If I could breathe underwater, I would swim to the very bottom of the very deepest ocean, where human kind has never reached its dirty, prying fingers. I would curl up in a ball, like a wounded animal. And breathe.
Don’t try to comfort me. I don’t want your kind words or your head on my shoulder. Please turn away. Maybe if I become still enough, silent enough, I’ll be blown away with the wind like hot desert sand.
Please turn away. I’ve had almost everything taken from me. I can feel the hollows in my bones, the emptiness between. All I have left is my pride. Please don’t take that. I can feel the hard lump in my throat. I know I am about to lose control.
Please turn away, while I lose my composure.
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142,219 Literary Works • 677,034 Reviews
I think this could be a poem! Let me try:
If I could breathe underwater,
I would swim to the very bottom
of the very deepest ocean,
where humankind has never reached
it's dirty, prying fingers.
I would curl up in a ball,
like a wounded animal.
And breathe.
Don't try to comfort me.
I don't want your kind words
or your head on my shoulder.
Please turn away.
Maybe if I become still enough,
silent enough,
I'll be blown away with the wind
like hot desert sand.
Please turn away.
I've had almost everything taken from me.
I can feel the hollows in my bones,
the emptiness between.
All I have left is my pride.
Please don't take that.
I can feel the hard lump in my throat.
I know I am about to lose control.
Please turn away,
while I lose my composure.
I don't know. I like it both ways!
Write On,
~~Heidi~~
Hi there! This is pretty short, but it definitely has potential. At this stage, I wouldn't really call it a short story, since there doesn't seem to be a plot. It's almost more of a poem, like a prose poem. So, you could either turn it into a poem or build a short story around it. You already have a character's voice established, so if you can come up with what happened, you can make a story. I know, easier said than done, right?
I really liked the imagery, especially the parts about blowing away like sand and the hollows in his/her bones. And the title, I like that too. It definitely made me want to read it.
Keep working on this! I'm excited to see what you can do with it.