My Best Friend

okay..I am resednig this because I don't know if you got it or not...

Wow, this poem doesn't just show the relationship between two best friends but it could also show the relationship between a very close couple. The poem itself was kinda hard to read, as in some points in time it was hard to navigate. So shown below if what I would do to help you with the flow of ideas. Do not take it personally, I just want to offer some advice.

Your Poems reads like this- (What I would change will be in parentheses)
Our friendship crept up on me -

A roller(add a space)coaster. It built up (Put 'slowly' here- it is a weird one worded line, that doesn't seem to belong with the flow)
slowly

Talking between classes, (make a new line here- combine birthday with parties) birthday

Parties, (New line here- as you are listing things) mutual friends.

Then suddenly the tracks slip( put a - here)

Beneath your car and you’re (Add the word "going" it reads...you're/down down down. That makes no sense)
(Is this you talking because you suddenly go from talking about us to 'your car' you're...)

Down down down

And you can’t hear but for the

Screaming of the wind and

(Okay, the three lines above this message, make me unsure about what is going on. You need to do something that will clarify what is going on)

Your heart in your throat and

Your stomach torn out.

(Same thing in these two lines)

We fell into friendship like you

Fall in love, the first time (Put 'round' here.)
round.

Reckless, fearless. (Recklessly and fearlessly would be better than reckless, fearless)

Together(Put a comma) we are better than apart(put a period)

Together(Put a comma) we are something braver(Put a period)

Train-hopping from carriage to

Carriage with a bottle of two

Parts vodka one part

Cherry PowerAde swinging loosely

In your fist, laughing because

It’s only 10:45 and we’re tipsy

Enough and we’re sixteen,

Sixteen and our skin is

Tingling with the October cold

And our pupils are too far

Dilated and everything is too (Put bright here)
bright

And we are too loud.

(This here is WAY to confusing with the flow of the poem. You, as the writer, need to clarify your thoughts better, to create a better flow)

Thousands of texts(comma) (Put this on the next line)hundreds

Of hours on the phone(Put a dash here and start a new line)not talking

About anything in particular(put a dash and start a new line) just

Savouring(Misspelling- Savoring) listening to your voice and

The way you laugh husky and off- (Put kilter here)

Kilter. (Put this into a new line) And it’s not the first poem I’ve

written you either.

So many words so much to say when

All I really mean is that

I love you.

You are my best friend.

(Clear up what you mean with these few last lines, as it is very hard to understand what is going on with how you say something.)

Again, sorry about being so critical with this review, but I just want to help you become better.
~From The Reviewing Powers of GreenTulip

Strange here, and I have a review for you on this little day called Review Day!
I really liked the way you described the friendship in here. I really like how you did it, how well it flowed, and how you showed you love your best friend. It really knocked me out, you know that? Great work, showing that you do truly love your best friend (Not in a romantic way, or is it? DUN DUN DUN!). Is this hard to read? A little. The pattern seems to be lost in its own tracks. That doesn't bring down the emotion you put into this. This brought a smile to my face. Nice work
Overall, I really did like this
Strange gives you..
7.5/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend *Hair flips*

An interesting view on friendship indeed.

This reminds me of the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes," if you've ever seen it. In any case, I love these lines,

"So many words so much to say when

All I really mean is that

I love you.

You are my best friend."

I hate it when people think that the only time and place to use the world love is between boyfriend and girlfriend, but in this case, the love is the friendship that these two people have gained between each other.

The poem flowed well, and you did a great job of sticking on subject, but putting enough info in there to make it unique in itself.

Thank you Aquareed!

Hi there,

The other reviewer said how it was hard to read, but I actually found I read it quite easily. I thought it was one of the best 'friendship' poems I've read in a long time. I loved the idea of how you talked about a relationship in such a raw and open manner. I can vouch that everything you say is true, and so it did sound very realistic.

Your writing style is also fairly defined as well, which is always a hard thing to master.

This was my favourite part here:

''It’s only 10:45 and we’re tipsy

Enough and we’re sixteen,

Sixteen and our skin is

Tingling with the October cold

And our pupils are too far

Dilated and everything is too
bright

And we are too loud.'

It was just so clear to me what kind of image the speaker wanted the reader to receive in their head. The language you used was really appropriate for what you were describing. I didn't find the end confusing at all, I actually thought it was TOO explicit. As in, you should try and SHOW the reader, not TELL them what you mean. You've spent a whole poem showing us how your friend i your best friend, and then you say it at the end as well. It's just not really needed to be honest.

I hope your best friend liked it just as much as I did,

H.L.P

Wow, this poem doesn't just show the relationship between two best friends but it could also show the relationship between a very close couple. The poem itself was kinda hard to read, as in some points in time it was hard to navigate. So shown below if what I would do to help you with the flow of ideas. Do not take it personally, I just want to offer some advice.

Your Poems reads like this- (What I would change will be in parentheses)
Our friendship crept up on me -

A roller(add a space)coaster. It built up (Put 'slowly' here- it is a weird one worded line, that doesn't seem to belong with the flow)
slowly

Talking between classes, (make a new line here- combine birthday with parties) birthday

Parties, (New line here- as you are listing things) mutual friends.

Then suddenly the tracks slip( put a - here)

Beneath your car and you’re (Add the word "going" it reads...you're/down down down. That makes no sense)
(Is this you talking because you suddenly go from talking about us to 'your car' you're...)

Down down down

And you can’t hear but for the

Screaming of the wind and

(Okay, the three lines above this message, make me unsure about what is going on. You need to do something that will clarify what is going on)

Your heart in your throat and

Your stomach torn out.

(Same thing in these two lines)

We fell into friendship like you

Fall in love, the first time (Put 'round' here.)
round.

Reckless, fearless. (Recklessly and fearlessly would be better than reckless, fearless)

Together(Put a comma) we are better than apart(put a period)

Together(Put a comma) we are something braver(Put a period)

Train-hopping from carriage to

Carriage with a bottle of two

Parts vodka one part

Cherry PowerAde swinging loosely

In your fist, laughing because

It’s only 10:45 and we’re tipsy

Enough and we’re sixteen,

Sixteen and our skin is

Tingling with the October cold

And our pupils are too far

Dilated and everything is too (Put bright here)
bright

And we are too loud.

(This here is WAY to confusing with the flow of the poem. You, as the writer, need to clarify your thoughts better, to create a better flow)

Thousands of texts(comma) (Put this on the next line)hundreds

Of hours on the phone(Put a dash here and start a new line)not talking

About anything in particular(put a dash and start a new line) just

Savouring(Misspelling- Savoring) listening to your voice and

The way you laugh husky and off- (Put kilter here)

Kilter. (Put this into a new line) And it’s not the first poem I’ve

written you either.

So many words so much to say when

All I really mean is that

I love you.

You are my best friend.

(Clear up what you mean with these few last lines, as it is very hard to understand what is going on with how you say something.)

Again, sorry about being so critical with this review, but I just want to help you become better.
~From The Reviewing Powers of GreenTulip