You’re not particularly memorable
I’m more in a habit of thinking of you.
Like a phantom limb aching
I feel the loss of your presence
Your smile, sweet and shocking as
A bite of popsicle.
I could take apart poems
But you could take apart me
And present your findings in
Essay form.
It’s a comfort to me that at least
The same light dawns on us both
Whitening the same lingering regrets
Muzzy eyes, queasy hangover dreams.
I wonder if sometimes you think of me
When the sweetness in your stomach
Fizzes up to your head, then your heart.
Just as I do.
You were the mirror to my soul
It’s not that I’m lonely without you
Not all the time at least
I just don’t understand myself
I find myself hard to interpret
My actions quizzical
My motivations laughable
Lapsing into darkly familiar patterns
I wonder what you’d think of me
When you think about me
If you think about me at all.
Sometimes I feel like I’m trapped in my own mind
Cycling over and over the same memories
Until they are worn so bare
I can no longer remember
Where one blurs into the other.
I am haunting myself.
It’s not that I’m sad without you
Not all the time at least
I just don’t understand myself
Not half as well
Not as much
Not at all.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,795 Reviews
Hola pallio
overall this is pretty great. Relatable on a very deep level, a place that a lot of people dont like to venture.
I really like the line "A phantom limb aching.", but i think if you swapped the word Phantom with missing it keeps the whole "ghost" vibe of the line, but it adds it without saying and that's a cool effect.
"a bite of popsicle." I feel that this line's a little too happy for this poem. Even if this line is meant to be a happier one, it's too specific. A more bittersweet similie would work better, like it was sweet at first but later you saw it as painful.
"Not all the time at least" should be "Not all the time, at least". Just grammatical.
"I am haunting myself." That. Is a fantastic line. I love that.
I really like the decent into denial at the end. Thats cool.
overrall, i liked the whole contrast between the two different parts, all mixed together. Your self doubt, and their perspective/ opinion of you..thats my interpretation of it, at least.
Great piece and keep them coming!
have a jolly day
Hey Rose here for another review!
First let me say that I really enjoyed this poem. I really liked where you are writing in this poem about how this guy could have been the one but, yet he wasn't. I really like this part
There was not any grammar mistakes of what I saw. So that is a good thing. I also especially love the amount of detail that you put into this poem.
Keep on writing!
~Rose