The tired old man says
“When you’ve lived as long as I have
You no longer doubt there’s a hell.”
I say different
As does every girl with empty eyes
And nails bitten down to the quick
Every boy with a sewn-up mouth
Choking down his screams in
A plastic bag
Every child walking home slowly, shadow
Lengthening as the sun goes down
“Hell is empty
Its devils dance around the earth
Clothed in human skin.”
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139,487 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
I enjoyed this poem- it's very thought provoking. You do a good job of incorporating quotes and using enjambement. Some of the phrases were slightly cliche- "empty eyes" and "sun goes down" but I think they worked farily well especially since you were referencing Shakespeare so cliche's alluding to long traditions in writing fit okay. Overall, a really nice poem. I'd be interested to read more of your work.
This is a very interesting piece of work. It is kind of dark and has this side of people you don't see.
keep up the good work
“When you've lived as long as I have
You no longer doubt there’s a hell.”
This is my favorite part of the poem. When you grow older you seem to find more and more difficulties in life and as those difficulties grow bigger and bigger you learn that there must be a hell.
Your sentences are very long. You should put a period after...
bitten down to the quick.
down his screams in A plastic bag.
Don't capitalized the "a"
Great poem.
This is a really intriguing peace of writing. I think that its interesting that it suggests that perhaps we are the devil. I like how that the three differently described people really add an element of emotion to the poem. The description makes me feel sad and empathetic for the characters, and believe that there is a hell that the people who caused them to feel this way belong in. Mind bending. Thanks for sharing.
Yes...By saying there is a hell,we try to solidfied the meaning of sins,because it was not created by us and we can not measure it.The evils had alreday lingered on earth before our ancestor’s memory.
Wow. Nice poem! I really liked the part about the screams. Interesting way of making hell seem less like the nether but more like some in us and around us. Nice work!