I AM PULLING THIS NOVEL DOWN FROM THE SITE
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Wicked Deception: Vivian 2Open a featured work or folder and click its Feature status to unfeature it and free up a slot.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
That's a great story. I'd love for something after this. Even though, usually, I'm not a fan for the stories just talking about ordinary life, but this one is pretty interesting. And like the comment above, both their personalities are unique and have their own touch. The only problem, to me, is that these characters might not show enough emotion. You don't really say too much about their emotions either, which is sort of strange. And, again, like the comment above, two troublemakers wouldn't take any sort of punishment seriously. But what I think you're trying to say here is that expulsion is something soooo important, that even these two actually realize that this is serious and life-changing. But it's just that I don't feel that way.
I also had a Creative Fiction Writing teacher once tell me that history and background are always important. A story with just action isn't a story at all. I see that you're trying to incorporate some of that already into the story, but giving some information about his brief life at school and what he thinks of Vivian isn't too much.
I hope I didn't criticize too much, I just feel that criticism is the only way for someone to improve. Maybe you'll take these comments seriously, or maybe these words are just something that will give more points, but either way....
An interesting start. The characters have distinct personalities, which is always good to see. Especially Vivian. She sounds like she's got more going on than meets the eye.
I liked this sentence. =]Well, here are my thoughts:
-
- This one, however, I'm not feeling. It seems too...contrived. Not like something someone would actually say.
-Principal Child. Is Child the principal's last name? Or is he a child? Confusing.
-If the two main characters are such troublemakers, it doesn't seem likely that they would passively accept the threat of expulsion. People who are addicted to trouble usually say boo with the consequences.