I AM PULLING THIS NOVEL DOWN FROM THE SITE
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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Heya!
Anticipate means "think it will happen." So your character doesn't think she'll see any of her old friends and teachers? Doesn't make much sense.
This totally describes the town that I have been living in for most of my life. There is so much drama because everyone finds out about everything within a week. My only issue is that the name of this town sucks. Millville? Really? Its almost comical.
Please note that I just skimmed this because I got bored after the first couple sentences. I mean, your an excellent writer, you're just writing about things that the reader doesn't necessarily care about.
And please tell me that this isn't another Twilight book... ugh........
Keep writing!
-Lena
Hey, I'm Kaedee, here to review your work today.
I read this yesterday! I don't have a problem with long pieces as long as you don't...have to...plow...through them.
Which you...
...didn't do! (Did I fool you? Maybe not.)
You did a nice job...it caught my attention. I don't have any nitpicks for today...possibly that is because of my bad headache? I don't feel too good. So I'll come back again to nitpick when I'm feeling better!
I glanced over Chap 2. I saw what you said:
Um, a lot of you are guessing this is a cliche Vampire novel, well, let's just say wait and see. Honestly, Vampires are so last year. So come on, a real writer can't keep re-doing what's becoming 'played out,' I thank you for your comments and encouragement, and I will definitely post more.
I'll give you a chance. *winks* I'm definitely interested to see what the plot is, and what exactly is coming up. I'm looking forward to reading more.
~KD
Hi Wheadee (did I spell that correctly?)
Twilight is alright, but it's just a fad. Don't copy it, please don't. No offence but I'm sick of Twilight and its many, many spoofs and attempts to mimick it.
Because I live in Australia, I have no idea how old a junior is, or a senior. I don't even know how old a person is when they start high school in America, but I think it's 14. Just for a fun fact we begin high school at 12, then turn 13.
In my opinion you should go back and read it, then scan it as an editor and add it or take away your full stops and commas, because in some places they don't quite fit properly and there are numerous places where there should be one but are in their tea break or something. So, in plain English, be your own editor and add in some full stops and commas.
Also don't press enter so many times because that means I have to scroll down too much.
No, I'm just joking, you don't have to do that.
If you're going to make it a Twilight "copy" at least make it well! I'm sorry for being a tad rude about Twilight but I'm over it. (Not about how hot Taylor Lautner is.)
Bek.
I'm sorry, I can't even attempt to read this. It's way too long-I find myself saying this a lot-. I'm sure this edited version is wonderful, I believe I've read the orignal before. Maybe this one won't be so Twilight-ish. So, stating that, I'm excited to read the edited version, just shorten it up a bit. Cut this into three or four smaller passages, it would be an easier read. When-or if- you decide to do so please message me so I can review.
Big kiss, review dismissed!
Snufalupaumpkins! x)