Let me not die in the arms of another,
As winter draws crosses again;
And while your slugs may had others to dance with,
My skin is still cold from your reign.
Let me not live in the trance of your lover;
Set free your cracked-winged butterfly!
While the black whole wonder, was your colour blazed thunder,
It was too early to learn how to die.
Still remember! Remember! That night of our embers,
When the shadows were too young to crawl.
Though you blossomed my neck with red petals so tender,
If only I had known they would fall.
So here I shall die in the arms of no other,
For your deep breath rests beneath ground.
And as if I had lived in the light as your lover,
It is here, in my chest, you are found.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
very poetic. great use of extended metaphor. my favorite lines were," And while your slugs may had others to dance with, My skin is still cold from your reign." that pretty much sums up love. I especially like how you don't feel the need to drone on and on and rather get your point across short and sweet. its very powerful. I also loved the broken wings part. a classic metaphor that never looses its power. The internal rhyme also gave it a nice flow. Fantastic poem
very poetic. great use of extended metaphor. my favorite lines were," And while your slugs may had others to dance with, My skin is still cold from your reign." that pretty much sums up love. I especially like how you don't feel the need to drone on and on and rather get your point across short and sweet. its very powerful. I also loved the broken wings part. a classic metaphor that never looses its power. The internal rhyme also gave it a nice flow. Fantastic poem
A butterfly with a cracked wing is never truly free - they are trapped in a cage of walking as their delicate freedom is destroyed. I really like how you use this as a metaphor for the eventful world of love. Love starts off beautiful as the unique wings of a butterfly but it can collapse at the simplist scratch - any winged creature is doomed without their main way of life. (flying) An example of this is that butterflies need to be able to glide through the sky's so they can consume the needed pollen of the flowers that dance before them. The line set free your cracked-winged butterfly emphasises the idea that there are foreseen doubts with this relationship yet you do not want to reveal this to your lover so you use something beautiful and respected like a butterfly. An interesting poem that has a multicoloured metaphor -Marshymallow.
P.S. How has this not been reviewed when you posted it only October 3rd?
Thank you
I dont know why this never got reviewed... I think something technical went wrong :\ I'm so glad you were able to understand the metaphor of the butterfly 
thanks again!