Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Tom aimed the gun at Noah and narrowed his villainous eyes.
"Stop!" Olivia desperately pleaded.
"No!" Tom screamed at her, "He took too long and now Henry is dead."
The door that Parker and Noah were supporting was gradually widening, now arms of the undead were reaching through. Noah could not believe what was happening but he knew Tom must be going through a dramatic shock.
"Tom, calm down," Noah assured, "We just need to think of a plan."
Parker glance and Noah was whispered, "he is going crazy, man, you know how he gets. And we can't hold this door much longer. He is going to do something rash."
"Tom," Noah said softly, "Come and help us, then we can think of a way out."
"Oh, I have a way out," Tom informed, picking up Noah's supplies and pack. He walked over to the window and grasped the end of the rope. "You will lower me down."
"No, we have to stick togeth-"
"Shut your fucking mouth!" Tom screamed, pointing his gun now at Olivia, "Lower me down or I will shot her."
Noah and his sister exchanged looks. He knew that Tom cared for his brother more than anything else and that has caused this rampant mood swing. His eyes clearly showed this was not a bluff. Noah glanced at Parker, who nodded and got ready to hold the door by himself. Slowly, Noah made his way over and took the end of the rope.
"And just in case you think of letting go," Tom told him as he walked over to Olivia and pulled her by her hair, "I will be going down with her."
"It's okay, Olivia," Noah lied to his sister, "You will be fine. Just do what he says."
Tom lifted her onto his back and climbed onto the windowsill. He gave one last laugh and he began to descend. The weight of both of them was almost too much for Noah, who could feel the rope tearing his palms. He wanted to let go but knew his sister would not survive the five story fall.
"I can't hold it," Parker informed.
Noah looked back at him. The door was nearly a foot open and zombies were now almost fitting through. Parker shot a few bullets at them but soon ran out of ammo.
"I'm out," he announced, "Throw me your gun."
"I can't, I have to hold this with two hands or I'll let go."
He looked out the window to see that his enemy and his hostage were about thirty five feet from the ground. He turned back to Parker, who was swatting away arms that were trying to reach him. His feet were slipping further and further. The rotting hands reaching just inches from his face.
"Shit, I am going to slip."
"How many are there? If you run over here and take my gun you might be able to kill them all."
"No, there has to be dozens."
They exchanged grim looks, both knowing this could be the end. Noah looked out the window to see Tom about twenty feet above the concrete. He turned back to his friend who gave him a serious expression.
"I will run over and hold the rope and you will climb down," Parker told him
"No, we ca-"
"No, I will run over there and you will slid down. Do it quickly because I down know how long it is will take for them to reach me. On the the count of three."
Noah nodded, knowing that was his only chance for survival.
"One..."
He glanced down to see Tom and his sister about ten feet from the bottom. He wondered that if they could wait until Tom got off he could then go and help close the door. But his thoughts were interrupted by the door swinging open and the shrieks of zombies as they poured in.
"I couldn't hold it, hurry!" Parker shouted as Noah handed him the rope and began to descend. He slide down about ten feet before he saw Tom jump off, dragging Olivia by her hair.
"Damn it! That bastard!"
When Noah was just below the fourth floor window a terrible scream came from above. He knew Parker had been bit and yet he had not let go of the rope. Noah did not waste his friends bravery and began to slide after, the ropes burned and tore his skin. When he was about twenty five feet from the ground the rope suddenly slacked, At which Noah knew his friend had fallen victim.
He yelled as he fell the remain distance, crashing atop a car. He hit the vehicle and rolled off the side, landing on the cold concrete. He could hardly move but he knew that he must get his sister back no matter what. Using the car to lift himself back up, he then began limping toward Tom, who was several dozen meters away trying to start an old truck.
His sister cries of terror attracted the undead and they began to collect around them. Noah extracted his knife and limped towards them as Tom shot the abominations with his gun. He killed the closest ones and then noticed Noah approaching.
"Stop this! Give her back!"
"Oh you can have her," Tom laughed, pushing Olivia at her brother.
She ran over and hugged him. Noah never thought her embrace would feel so reassuring. However, the sound of a gunshot shot erupted in front of him and his sister leg go and fell through his arms. He gazed in horror as the back of his beloved sister's shirt began to turn red. Ten feet in front stood his former comrade, pointing his gun.
"No, no, no, no..." Noah whispered falling to his kneed embracing his sister limp body.
"Well, I'm off," Tom announced. "Here I almost forgot this," he pulled the photo of Noah's family out from the pack and tossed it on the ground before getting into the running truck.
Noah pressed Olivia's face against his chest and let out a scream that echoed around them. His tears dripped onto her hair and rolled down her pale face. He continued to weep and slam his fist against the concrete as the undead slowly shuffled towards him.
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Noah screamed towards the truck as it drove off, "I'LL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU!"
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Hi Angrynoodles,
But yeah pretty good.
Intense stuff, but you really need to edit this bad boy, certain words and punctuation are completely missing from most of it. Just read through it again, but read it out loud because you'll understand what I mean.
Just some little points :-
The door that Parker and Noah were supporting was gradually widening, now arms of the undead were reaching through. Noah could not believe what was happening but he knew Tom must be going through a dramatic shock.
This line:-
Noah could not believe what was happening but he knew Tom must be going through a dramatic shock.
That can be taken completely out, it sounds stiff and the readers already know that he's emotional, we know the characters know that so don't bother with it. It just slows the action down.
Also this line: -
He gave one last laugh and he began to descend.
This line made me laugh haha, I was imagining him doing a Dr.Evil laugh as he dropped out the window. Which was jarring because I didn't think that this guy was a baddie, he went from a distraught sibling to a cackling enemy. You want the baddie in the piece to make sense more than anything, we understand that he's just lost someone close and that he's making rash decisions in some effort to feel better, but I don't buy him becoming a laughing maniac, that kidnaps his friends. If you had him getting scared of the zombies, looking at Henry and freaking out completely, and due to this betray's his friends out of cowardice, that would work.
Also if Tom and Noah got into a fight because of it and in this rage filled moment, the doors break open. Tom could then kick Noah away and grab his sister in an attempt to prevent Noah from shooting him. That would be quite cool, the rest of the story from part 1 onwards has had this theme of desperation. That should carry through to this as well.
You've got something really cool here somewhere, I don't know if you're planning to make this story longer but it would benefit from more fleshed out characters and some more intense predicaments
Keep writing, good work.
LMJ
I will go over it again and correct the mistakes. Haha Dr. Evil, like Tom raises his pinky to his mouth. Thank you so much for reading all of them.
Haha yeah, that's okay, enjoyed reading them.
LMJ
Tom Kills Noahs SISTER absolute shocker i thought tom and noah were going to escape and they were going to find a new place and toms brother dies wow you know how to create a story and finish it off i hope you make a sequel to this because it is amazing
1. Please continue this story
2. please please continue this story
3. lost for words!
Haha I could look into continuing it. I might just start up a new series though. Thanks!