16+ Language Violence

Undead Hour Part 2 of 3

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Noah snuck towards the set of cabinets and slowly opened them. Their low creaks seem deafening to him but he knew it was all in his head. He searched around but all he could find were empty prescription bottles.

“Nothing,” he muttered. “I will have to go to the next room.”

He crept to the door, pressing his ear against it. Low moans and patter of shuffling feet were the only sounds audible. He knew that once one of them saw him it would pounce and they would all then attack. But with Henry dying there was no time to stop and ponder. He turned off the flashlight and took a deep breath before opening it.

It swung open and he stepped into the unilluminated corridor, scarcely lit by window he had broken just prior. A stream of light led down the hall, exposing several undead corpses. A few of them noticed the sudden dim glow and turned towards it. Noah stepped into the darkness, but he was still able to see their horrid faces.

Their skin was shredded and peeled along with their tattered, blood stained clothing. With eyes that appeared like white pearls and stringy unwashed hair. The sight was never familiar, no matter the times witnessed. He took a deep inhale only to gag on the musk of rotten flesh. His stomach churned and he reached up to cover his mouth.

Pull yourself together! he screamed inside his head.

His feet slowly shuffled along into the next dark room. Closing the door, he switched on his light and pointed it in front. Before him stood a molding zombie, its head slowly lifted to meet his own. Noah almost let out a scream but quickly extracted his knife, stabbing the abomination in the forehead. He fell back against the door, his heart beating so loud he feared the lifeless bodies may hear it. It took him a moment to muster himself back, but once he did the search continued.

“This is it?” he mumbled to himself, holding up the only item he found, a roll of bandages. “Well, one thing to check off.”

Knowing he still needed more, he returned the corridor and entered another room. Once again he only found a single item, however, this time it was a bottle of pills. The label showed it was an antibiotic.

“Damn it, he isn’t sick he is wounded. This won’t help,” he whispered.

He put the bottle in his bag in case he would need it in the future. He continued into the hallway but only took a few steps when one of the lifeless bodies turn towards him. Its head slowly creaked to the side. In a flash Noah whipped his knife out and thrusted it through its temple. Gently, he lowered the corpse to the cold floor before entering the next room. He looked around for a moment before coming across a large cabinet, which had a padlock around the two handles.

“If it is locked no one else has gotten into it, but I don’t have any bolt cutters or anything.”

His mind raced, knowing that behind the lock awaited medicine and supplies he so desperately needed. Suddenly, his arm raised his pistol to the lock. His finger twitched against the trigger.

“No, they will hear me and attack. Damn it.”

He stood still thinking, rubbing the back of his head as he did so. He had no material to cut through the lock nor the metal of the actually cabinet. He leaned against it but before he could ease up a deafening gunshot erupted from the floor above.

“Oh shit!”

A roar of zombies muffled by the fury of gunshots echoed through the hospital. Noah knew their situation must have turned worse. Without a choice he pointed the gun and pulled the trigger, shooting the lock off. He did not read labels or even inspect the items but simply dumped everything into his bag before slinging it onto his back and returning to the hallway. Several bodies turned to him but he did not stop, just aimed and fired. When he reached the room at which he had entered he tugged on the rope, but no response came.

“Hey! Pull me up!” he shouted, no longer needing to be quiet.

After a few interminable seconds the rope began to pull him back up. When he reached the his group and climbed back through the window he could not believe the sight. Parker was backed up against the door with a pistol in hand. The door had been forced ajar and seemed to be slowly opening as the weight of the zombies pushed from the other side. Olivia stood beside Henry patting his hair, while Tom was the one who pulled Noah up. Noah ran to the door to try and force it shut.

“Give me the bag!” Tom demanded, although he did not wait and simply tore it off Noah.

Unzipping it, he dumped the contents onto the floor. Medicine, water bottles, cans, and a photo of Noah’s family scattered among the tiles. But Tom did not care, he frantically began to read the labels in search for a painkiller. Oliva dashed over and grabbed the fallen photo and began to weep.

Tom let out a soft cheer as he held a bottle in front of his face. He uncapped it and ran to his brother, shoving Olivia out of the as he did. The sight angered Noah but he knew the situation was dire. Tom held his fingers against Henry’s neck for a moment before pressing his ear against his brother’s chest.

“No, no, no, no, NO, NO!” He cried.

The rest of them realised Henry had just past. Their comrade in his hell had simply died in silence. Olivia’s tears streamed faster, Parker pounded his hand against the wall and cursed, while Noah simply stared with his mouth agape. Tom glared up at him in rage for a second before pulling out a gun and pointing it at him.

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”

Comments & reviews · 2
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LMJRayner
Review

Hi Angrynoodles,

On to the second part :) I really like where this is going, nothing is going right and if it does there's consequences. I did however have trouble reading parts of it, this paragraph I think needs some rework: -

"He crept to the door, pressing his ear against it. Low moans and patter of shuffling feet were the only sounds audible. He knew that once one of them saw him it would pounce and they would all then attack. But with Henry dying there was no time to stop and ponder. He turned off the flashlight and took a deep breath before opening it."

Some words are missing and others are in the wrong place. This happens a few times throughout, and although it doesn't fully detract from the reading, it does effect it a bit, something to look into. Might just need another edit run through from you probably.

I like the way you go from this really hectic, time is running out action scene and then it turns into this stealth, have to be quiet section. The contrast is really good, if it was me though, I wouldn't have him kill any zombies, that might sound a bit weird but if the chapter was him sneaking through the hospital, coming close to being caught by the zombies but doesn't. Maybe just as he's about to be caught the gunshot goes off and distracts them. That would be really good. It would build this slow moving tension, almost to breaking point. And also if the reader sees that the character can take care of himself, easily killing two of them with a knife, it takes away some of that tension later on. You want there to be real fear and danger and to do that you need them to be vulnerable. I'm not saying that they can never kill zombies, that would be crazy! Just bare that in mind is all.

The ending was great, again you have two predicaments fighting for space. Zombies at the door breaking through and one of the group turning against another. Very cool, and makes it really exciting.

Look forward to the next part :)

LMJ

Hello again! Holographic Ladybug here for another review!

~The Good Bits~
This is all there is this time! I found absolutely nothing wrong with this. :)
On another note, this was very intense and very good. My favorite moment is the end with [SPOILERS!] Henry dying and all that. That sounds really cruel and all, but I absolutely love how Tom was freaking out. (Ok, that doesn't sound much better, does it?) I really like moments like that (I'm not sounding like a very nice person, am I?) when a character goes out of control or completely loses it. It's especially emotional/intense because he was just about to give him painkillers (correct me if I'm wrong) and then he died. Wow. Intense and very emotional. (I probably sound like a terrible person right now, though.)

Happy holidays. I can't wait until the next part. :)
~Holographic Ladybug

.P.S. I love your username.

Haha you're back. I actually just uploaded the last bit. The ending is very surprising. And Henry died while Noah was on the lower floor, Tom just did not realize until he check his pulse



Human minds are more full of mysteries than any written book and more changeable than the cloud shapes in the air.
— Louisa May Alcott