Take Me Home: Chapter Three: Sittin' On The Dock

by Andrea2676Marie

Published June 2, 2013

16+

In Take Me Home

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Sittin’ on the Dock

Stepping into the massive entry, Carrie looked up in awe. There was an extravagant chandelier hanging in the open entry. The staircase curved up to the second floor and at the bottom sat a table with a vase of colorful flowers. The walls were an earthy tan, and she could hear the continued shouting from Jay.

          “What the hell Steven? I called your name like ten times! I can’t find the boat keys, and I’m late,” said Jay, waltzing into the entry where Carrie and Steven stood.

          “Whoa, who is this?” Jay asked

          “This is Carrie Moore, and she is my guest. She’ll be staying with us for a while. She’s new to town,” Steven explained. Jay cocked his head to the side and made eye contact with Carrie, while giving her an award-winning smile. Steven’s brother looked like quite the character. He was wearing a blue leopard silk button up shirt, with a casual purple suit. He also wore multiple necklaces and bracelets, in addition to a hat. His skin was tanned and he had a twitch in his left hand.

          “Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Carrie,” she said, extending her hand.

          “Yes, hello,” he replied, kissing her hand instead of shaking it. Maintaining eye contact with her for just a moment longer, she smiled at him. He was charming.

          “Well, baby brother, will you please help me find the keys so I can be on my way?” Jay asked his brother, raising an eyebrow.

          “I have the keys. It is my boat. Here,” he said handing them to Jay, “are you coming home tonight?”

          “Probably not. I’ll be back in the morning. Tomorrow you and I should get more acquainted,” he replied pointing at Carrie. Jay turned on his heel and walked out of the entry. Carrie heard a door shut soon after he exited the room, and assumed he had gone outside.

          “Well, he sure seems interesting,” she commented.

          “Yeah, I know. He can be a bit to handle at first,” Steven said, chuckling. He led her up the grand staircase and down a hallway, stopping right outside a door.

          “This is the room you’ll be staying in it’s one of the best guest rooms,” Steven explained. Setting the suitcase down on the floor right outside the room, he turned to her and said,

          “But it’s still pretty early, so how about I make dinner and give you the grand tour?” he offered.

          “Sure!” she replied. Carrie opened the door to her room, and quickly slipped the suitcase and backpack into the room. Then, she followed Steven back downstairs and into the kitchen. They had a really nice kitchen, a lot fancier than the one back home. The granite counters and expensive looking appliances made Carrie feel slightly out of place. She wasn’t sure if she even knew how to operate the stove, much less the coffee maker.

          “How does chicken parmesan sound?” Steven asked, looking into the refrigerator.

          “That sounds delicious. I love Italian food. Do you need any help?” she offered.

          “Nonsense. You are a guest in my home. And I’m a pretty amazing cook,” he bragged. Carrie smirked, and nodded her head. As Steven was preparing dinner, she found a bottle of wine in the fridge. After pouring two glasses, they started talking about places Steven might be able to get her a job.

          “Relax a little. You’ve got a place to stay now, and you really haven’t had a proper orientation to Stonessa, my dear,” Steven commented. He was prepared to show her the world. This girl traveled all the way from Michigan with no plans, and he wanted to step in and show her what was out there. She probably hasn’t even been to a proper party. They enjoyed the chicken parmesan that Steven successfully made, and Carrie was really impressed.

After dinner, he showed her around the house. There were so many rooms, all decorated beautifully with artwork and fancy lighting. However, her favorite part was outside. Walking through the main living room there was a set of patio doors that led outside. Once outside the beach was visible, complete with a dock where the boat must belong. As if living on the beach was not enough, he also had a pool that was surrounded by lawn chairs and lights. Towards her left she could see a giant gazebo with chairs and tables. It looked like the place to have an outdoor party. It was all so much to take in, how dramatically her life changed in a matter of weeks. Looking out at the big blue she smiled to herself.

The next day she woke up in her new room. The décor suited her, which made it feel more like a home. The walls were light blue, with a gold rug in the middle of the room. Her big four post bed was the main piece of the room, and it had a blue and white comforter with modern designs on it. There was various artwork on the walls, and she even had her own deck. The deck was only big enough for one chair and a small table, but it was perfect. Also, the room she was staying in had a rather large walk in closet. The bathroom attached to her room was decent sized, and had its own vanity. When she was looking at the closet, she realized that her suitcase full of clothes would only occupy a small section. She also desperately needed to do laundry, so grabbed her clothes in her arms and went downstairs to find the laundry room.

          Once downstairs, she spotted Jay at the kitchen island. He was still wearing the same clothes from the previous night, and even had sunglasses on inside. Considering it was 9am, she wasn’t sure if that was really early for him or not. She knew that Steven would already be up, most likely working.

          “Morning,” she said to Jay, who looked up. He seemed surprised.

          “Well mornin’ to you too. What are you doing?” he asked, cradling his cup of coffee.

          “Trying to find the laundry room. Am I headed in the right direction?”

          “Nope,” he laughed, “here I’ll show you.” Jay showed her where the laundry room was, and helped her figure out how to use the washer.

          “You going to get dressed so we can leave?” he asked.

          “What? Where?” she replied, really confused.

          “Oh, well you see the only reason I’m awake at this god awful time of day is because Steven wants me to take you shopping. Says you need more clothes and wants you to have everything you need here,” he answered her, smiling. Now he wants to pay for my stuff?

          “I don’t know if I can accept that, I’m already staying here rent free,” she said.

          “Oh please don’t fight it, just say yes. It will be fun, girls like shopping right? Shouldn’t you be jumping up and down all excited and whatnot?” he asked, raising his eyebrow.

          “Well I can’t go,” she protested.

          “Why not?” he challenged.

          “All of my clothes besides these PJ’s I’m wearing are in the washing machine now,” she commented.

          “I can fix that,” he said, “come with me.” Jay then led her to his own room. She had pictured his room much different than what she saw in front of her. Scarves and banners of all different patterns hung around his room, draped from the bed, dressers, and light fixture. There were three guitars scattered throughout the room, along with a record player that sat in the corner along with stacks of records. At the foot of the bed there was a fuzzy white bench, and Jay pointed towards it and said,

          “Take a seat and give me one second.” Carrie sat down, and he disappeared into what she guessed was his closet. About five minutes later, he came back holding a black shirt and shorts.

          “Why do you have girl shorts?” she asked, noticing that those were definitely not his or his brother’s shorts.

          “I have a lot of friends,” he replied, smirking. “The shirt is mine, so don’t spill on it or anything.” She laughed and took the clothes gratefully.

          “Thanks Jay,” she replied.

          “Welcome. Now, get dressed so we can get you some clothes and stuff,” he said. Carrie exited his room and went into the bathroom right across the hall, changing into the jean shorts and his shirt. He decided to borrow her a black tank top that read “Jack Daniels Whiskey” on the front. How classy.

          They left in Jay’s truck and headed downtown. Jay took her to a lot of different stores and shops. First, they went to Soul Brother, which was mainly filled with surfing supplies, and beach attire. She spotted a sundress there, and got a pair of sunglasses. Jay simply whipped out his credit card and handed it to the man at the register. He took her to Terry’s where she bought jeans, shorts, swim suits, tank tops, and the regular day to day outfits. Jay’s stomach started growling, and he asked,

          “You like seafood?”

          “Of course,” she replied.

          “Good, let’s get some lunch then,” he said, leading her down a different road off the main drag where they were shopping.

 

          Steven hung up the phone, frustrated once again with his father. He had business to deal with today, and was getting hungry for lunch. With that thought, he got up from behind his desk, and went to the kitchen. Then house was completely quiet, and he assumed Jay had taken Carrie shopping like he asked him to. Steven would have loved to take her, but he had so much to do today. Feeling stressed, he decided he would go visit Ashley. Ashley Langen was his best friend. She and her father owned the Marina in town, and Ashley would talk with Steven during lunch sometimes while they would go fishing together. Steven’s life was very different compared to Ashley’s. He was brought up in a wealthy family, who flaunted their money. Was Steven rich also? Yes, but that didn’t mean he thought he was better than anyone else, unlike his mother. This was why it didn’t mean anything to him that his best friend was not exactly wealthy. She was a great friend who was always there for him, and money didn’t matter to her. That’s what he loved about her.

          Putting his Mercedes into drive, he went over to Langen’s Marina, hoping that Ashley wouldn’t be busy. He was in luck, as he pulled up and saw her sitting at the end of a dock with her dog, Rissy.

          “Hey stranger,” Steven said, walking to the end of the dock. Rissy turned at started sniffing him.

          “Hey! Come to drown your sorrows?” she asked.

          “What?” he replied, slightly confused. She pulled a bottle from in front of her that he hadn’t been able to see. Smirking, he sat down next to her, occupying Rissy’s spot as she trotted away.

          “Don’t mind if I do” he drawled. She smiled back at him, with her strawberry blonde hair blowing in front of her face. Ashley was a few years older than him, twenty-nine, and thought she always had such fabulous advice to give Steven.

          “Carrie moved in,” he spat out, taking a pull from the bottle.

          “What?! You guys have only been seeing each other for a couple weeks! You just let her move in? Are you happy? When did she move in? Why are you just telling me now?” she rambled, knowing that she was bombarding him with questions. Steven laughed in response, and then said,

          “Hey calm down! I didn’t marry the girl! She just moved in yesterday. Yeah I’m happy because I really like her, and I’m just trying to help her out. I sent her out with Jay today to get her some more clothes and stuff because I had to work all morning,” he explained, passing her the bottle.

          “I see. Well, I’d say you better show her a good time or some other handsome, wealthy bastard will pick her up,” Ashley teased, “and if you have work to do, what are you doing drinking on the dock with me?”

          “I got frustrated with Richard.”

          “See that’s just weird. I know you and your dad have a really weird relationship, but calling him by his first name is just odd to me,” she replied. All Steven did was smile and take the bottle back, looking out at the bay getting lost in his thoughts.

 

          “Here you guys go, and can I get you another refill on the Brandy sir?” the waiter asked us.

          “Please,” Jay replied. Carrie raised an eyebrow, knowing that it was only 1:30pm. Jay just started eating his fish sandwich, glancing up at her and asked,

          “So what do you think of The Octopus’ Garden?

          “It’s nice, they have a really big menu,” she said. Grabbing a piece of her sandwich, she looked out over the deck and stared at the ocean. It was then that she realized she hadn’t done much in the ocean yet, besides swim at the beach.

          “Hey, Jay, can we go on the boat tonight? With Steven?” she asked, between bites. He smiled, still wearing those obnoxiously big sunglasses.

          “Sure,” was all he said. Soon they finished lunch, and Carrie was about ready to go home and shower when he said they had to go into one more store. Mayfield’s Riche was printed on the sign above a door they stood in front of. It looked really fancy. Of course, it was. To Carrie’s surprise it was all formal clothing though.

          “Why are we here?” she asked Jay, who was already touching dresses and moving around looking for something in particular.

          “Well, I don’t know how well you know my brother, but he will most likely drag you along to some fancy party where you will need an evening dress. To save time, I figured we’d get you one now,” he said, grabbing an orange, red, pink, and yellow mix dress. It was beautiful, simple and strapless. He grabbed it, held it up to her, and said,

          “Sure,” more to himself than her. He didn’t seem that interested in fashion. He seemed more concerned on making sure she got enough clothes to wear. Once again he went up to the counter, and Carrie had quickly grabbed a pair of gold heals to be rung up with the dress. Jay smirked, pulled out his credit card again, and they made their purchases.

          Once in the truck on the way home, Carrie felt so grateful that he had taken the day to take her shopping. He had told her that Steven wanted to take her, but he had work to do, and Carrie understood.

          “Thank you Jay, for everything today,” she said, looking over at him.

          “No problem, it was my pleasure.” He sure could be charming. Just like Steven. Suddenly she realized she missed Steven, and was looking forward to spending time with him tonight.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Jun 22, 2013

Hi Andrea,

Secretly I've continued following this through and I guess now it's time for me to get reviewing it! As a recap of the previous two chapters and this one included, so far so good! I really like how you introduce characters, especially how we are getting to know Jay and Ashley better. One thing I think you need to be careful of is creating a too perfect character. Steven is absolutely nice, picking up this girl and helping her out. But does he have an secrets about himself that he's holding back? Any really personal problems other than with his father? Otherwise he could become the new Edward Cullen - far too perfect. (That's coming from someone who does like Twilight)

Okay, now I just have two nitpicks for you. Just little accidentals...

“Yeah, I know. He can be a bit (I think the word much would slot in here to make the sentence less awkward) to handle at first,” Steven said, chuckling.
Rissy turned at (I think instead of at you mean and) started sniffing him.

Now there are three things that need addressing here to make this story even better. And it's not just in this chapter, but in the previous ones as well. As Dhendon said, when you are switching scenes the reader gets a bit confused. The best way to make it absolutely clear is to use ***. Putting three stars on it's own line at the bottom of the paragraph is a common way of telling the reader "look, we're going to switch scenes now."

Also, sometimes you go into too much description. I found myself hopping over it a bit. It was most noticeable when Carrie woke up the first morning in Steven's house. You described the room - which was okay. But then you went on describing the deck and it was two paragraphs long. I ended up hopping over it. Sometimes including a little less description could make it more interesting.

Last thing I shall bother you about! But it is something important. Voice. You switch the point of view a lot in the story in an unnatural way. Although the whole story is in third person, you sometimes include thoughts. I don't know whether these thoughts are connected to Steven or Carrie, and it takes me time to think about this. Thinking too hard isn't good when writing. So make sure it's clear! :) Let me explain what I mean about voice with a quote.

Jay cocked his head to the side and made eye contact with Carrie, while giving her an award-winning smile. Steven’s brother looked like quite the character. He was wearing a blue leopard silk button up shirt, with a casual purple suit. He also wore multiple necklaces and bracelets, in addition to a hat. His skin was tanned and he had a twitch in his left hand.

All of a sudden it goes from Carrie looking at Jay to the narrative voice just describing Jay. It would be preferable if it was all from Carrie's point of view. Like: She noticed a twitch in his left hand and was her eyes skimmed over the earthy tan of his skin. It makes it more intriguing for the reader too. Once you went from Lizzy at the counter looking at Steven, to Steven looking for Carrie, to Carrie when she was with Steven. It changes too fast and gets too confusing!

I hope all this feedback is useful! ^^ I'll go check out the other chapters now too :)

Deanie x

User avatar
Dhendon
Review
Dhendon wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2013

Another wonderful chapter of this excellent story. Again, I loved it. My only problem was when the point of view switched from Jay and Carrie to Steven in the middle, perhaps an extra space or some sort of break would be useful. I had to stop and think about what I was reading for a second at these two switches because it wasn't very clear, but I did like how the point of view changed to make sure that we weren't forgetting about Steven in all of this.

I liked the way that Jay was further portrayed in this section because I was very interested to see his continued character development, and I liked that we learned some more about Steven along the way as well.

In general, a very excellent story and I hope to see much more of this as you continue along. I am completely in love with this story and want to continue to see it expand. Keep working!



It is a happiness to wonder; it is a happiness to dream.
— Edgar Allan Poe