16+ Language

Take Me Home: Chapter Six: Bad Company

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Bad Company

          “Hello, son,” Richard Canter said. Steven glared at his father, his blue eye turning to ice.

          “Father, how is it that you manage to ruin every aspect of my life?” he asked, noticing Carrie’s eyes widen at his bluntness. Richard coughed, glancing at Charlette seated next to him.

          “Steven I gave you ownership in a multimillion dollar company,” the eldest Canter began, but Steven quickly cut him off.

          “Money isn’t everything, something you still don’t understand,” he interrupted. Refusing to look at the wretched woman from his past, which was currently burning holes into his face with those brown-black eyes, he chuckled. It was not a happy chuckle, but one filled with disbelief.

          Feeling the tension radiating around the table, Carrie thought it was time to try changing the subject by introducing herself.

          “Well, hi Mr. Canter. My name is Carrie Moore, I’m Steven’s…girlfriend,” she said. Immediately the woman with the straight brown hair shot her a death glare. If looks could kill.

          “Girlfriend?” Mr. Canter replied, having only glanced at Carrie as she introduced herself. He spoke the word as if it was poison in his mouth. His gaze immediately fell on his youngest son. “This is the first I’m hearing of this,” he said, addressing his son.

          “I don’t feel the need to inform you in every detail of my life,” Steven replied.

          “Pitié. Here I thought we could, talk about…us,” the other woman purred, speaking with a thick french accent. The woman sitting opposite of her was dressed in what looked like thousands of dollars. Her loose black dress was clearly designer, along with the expensive-looking necklace adorning her neck. Deep red lipstick and smoky black eyes gave this woman a very intimidating look. Carrie was strong though, and intended to stand her ground while surviving this dinner.

          Distracted with his drink, Steven’s face displayed a look of pure annoyance. Reaching under the table, she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. Half smiling, he returned the squeeze. Thankfully, the waiter came right then asking for Mr. Canter and his date’s drink orders.

          “Scotch on the rocks, please,” Richard said to the waiter with a wave of his hand.

          “A glass of Chateau Margaux, plaît,” the woman said, looking down at the drink menu in front of her.

          “Carrie, please excuse my manners. This is my father, Richard Canter. And this is Charlette. We dated, a while ago. It ended for good reason,” he spat, becoming rigid. With this information, Carrie soon understood why this Charlette was shooting daggers at her with those piercing rage-filled eyes. Nobody said anything, making the already tension-filled atmosphere that much worse. Once the waiter returned with Richard and Charlette’s drinks, the interrogation began.

          “So Carrie. What are you intentions with my son?” Richard demanded, looking her square in the eye.

          “Well, we just recently started dating, so I guess we’ll see where things go,” she replied. Unsure of where the conversation was going to go, she went along with it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Steven put his face in his hands. Out of habit he ran a hand through his ebony hair, making it a mess from stress after only a few short minutes.

          “And where do you live? How long have you been in Florida? Where do you work? What about your family?” Doesn’t beat around the bush much does he? Glaring at her, Charlette raised an eyebrow waiting for her reply.

          “Well, I currently live with Steven and Jay. I’ve only been in Florida for a few months, and they were kind enough to help me out. As for where I work, I’m unemployed right now, but I intend to find a job shortly. My family is…well we’re not very close. I’m from Michigan, so they’re not really in the picture,” she commented, rushing through her sentences hoping it would make the information less disappointing. Before Richard could comment, Steven interrupted.

          “My friend, Sandra Draper-Nielson, just had an opening at her company and may have a position for Carrie. They just have to get together. She’s an event planner. They do galas, weddings, home parties and get-togethers, fundraising events, and other things,” he quickly interjected. Carrie didn’t know if this was true or just something he thought of to lessen the blow. Charlette had a mischievous smile plastered on her face, and took a sip of her wine. Richard looked through squinted eyes at his son. His age left various wrinkles around his face, and his dark hair which was similar color to Steven’s was starting to grey. He happened to carry much more weight than his two sons, and further his narrowed his eyes.

          “Riding off my sons’ money then. No job, no home, no plan. You sure know how to pick ‘em Steven,” Richard huffed, sipping on his scotch. “I expected a little more class from you. I know Jay runs with the wrong crowd sometimes, and gets lost in his silly music, but you,” his father continued, “I am truly disappointed. Why can’t you try to patch things up with dear Charlette here, she is a much better option,” Richard finished.

          “Why would you do that to yourself chéri?” Charlette asked Steven, a look of pity on her face. She reminded Carrie of a cat, and evil one that had rabies. That’s it. Carrie never hesitated to speak her mind. The only reason they were at this stupid dinner was because Steven and his father were suppose to be discussing plans for the annual company party. Here we go.

          “Sir, you are rude. I don’t like you. At all. Your son is free to make his own decisions. It saddens me that he is stuck with you as a father. I would never steal or take advantage of Steven or Jay. As for my employment? That’s my business, along with my family and past. The reason I am with Steven is not because of his money. It’s because I care about him, and I enjoy spending time with him for who he is, not what he has. And you,” she snapped, pointing at Charlette, “Steven is not dating you anymore, so I suggest you get off you high horse and stop trying. If he wanted to be with you, then he would. I don’t know your guys’ past or what happened, but frankly I don’t give a shit. You’re no better than anyone else just because you look like a stuck-up, French Barbie. You can both shove it!” she finished, a little out of breath. “Steven, I’ll meet you back home, I’ll take a cab,” she said quietly, only addressing him.

          Mr. Canter and Charlette just stared. Her jaw hanging low, and his had frozen from bringing his drink to his mouth. Steven just smiled, and realized how much he was falling for Carrie. That was brave, and he respected the hell out of her for it. If she could speak her mind so easily, he could surely make it through this dinner. Sensing she wanted some time alone, he let her take the cab back to Stonessa and turned to deal with his father. Actually discussing the plans for the company event, the dinner went pretty smoothly. Richard didn’t say much the rest of the meal, and mainly nodded along to what Steven suggested. Charlette on the other hand was completely silent. Her silence didn’t stop the raging jealousy building up inside though.

 

          Carrie arrived back at the Canter household within an hour and fifteen minutes. Seeing as she ran out before they even ordered their food, she wandered into the kitchen. Heating up some soup she ate quickly. Sitting still was not an option for her right now, she was too pissed. Trotting up the stairs, she changed into more casual clothes. Jean shorts with a simple white tank top were much more comfortable.

          Knowing that she should calm down, and maybe even have some fun, the elder brother was the one to visit; she made her way to Jay’s room. Knocking at his door, she found that there was no answer. Checking the back patio she found him mixing a drink. Surprisingly he only had a few people with him, his band-mates Chase and Gale.

          “It’s a Friday night and you’re home right now?” she asked. Jay looked up from the bar, just noticing her, and smiled.

          “Well hello Miss Carrie! Yes, I’m at home, but why are you? I thought you and Steven were going to have dinner with dear papa bear,” he sarcastically said. That must be where Steven gets his sarcasm.

          “Well, yeah. But he showed up with some chick named Charlette who was a total bitch. Then your dad was being completely rude thinking I’m only here for your guys’ money. So I told them both off, and took a cab back home. When I left though, your brother was smiling,” she explained and Jay’s jaw dropped.

          “Wait, what?! You met Charlette? She’s in town? And you told off my dad?” he said, disbelief and excitement slipping through his voice, “Oh man I gotta tell Steven you’re a keeper.” Carrie laughed at this, and then looked at Chase and Gale.

          “Hey,” she said, waving at them.

          “Hi,” they said in unison. Gale was really tall, with straight blonde hair. He was good looking, and so was Jay’s other companion, Chase. Chase had shorter brown hair, and really green eyes. He looked more built than Gale and Jay. Must be into sports. They both smiled at her, and seemed inviting.

          “Well then, I’m guessing baby brother will be a little while. Wanna have some fun?” Jay asked, with that signature smirk raising a glass.

          “That sounds like exactly what I need,” she replied, biting her bottom lip.

          An hour later, they were still drinking and partying, just the four of them. Sitting by the bar on the patio had moved inside to the basement, where they had various instruments and entertainment. Down there, the three guys started jamming out to music, Carrie watching and laughing the whole time. They played classic rock favorites, just to have fun for the night. Gale was playing the drums, Chase the guitar, and Jay was singing at the top of his lungs. She was having fun, and let loose for the night. They started playing, Pour Some Sugar on Me, and Jay had Carrie sing with him. After their song, they were both trying to control laughter.

          “Wanna have some more fun?” Jay asked Carrie, raising an eyebrow. She was guessing he meant some sort of drug, being that the other guys had already done some. Her morals were drowned out by the alcohol, and after taking a deep breath she said,

          “Sure.”

          “Come with me then,” he replied, walking upstairs.

          They entered his room and she took a seat on his white, fuzzy bench. He was in the middle of the room and grabbed one of the many scarves that were hanging from the light fixture. Sliding his hand to the end of the maroon scarf, he reached into a sewn-in pocket. Pulling his two fingers out of the secret pocket, he held up the white powder. Cocaine.

          Euphoria. Energy and invincibility. Only trying a little, she got the desired effect. Listening to Chase play Hotel California on the guitar in the billiard room, Carrie smiled. Jay chuckled, and continued the game of pool he had going with Gale. Chase’s hand stopped strumming those six strings Carrie had been studying, and looked up.

          “Think you’re boyfriend’s home, dearie,” he said, having heard a door shut.

          “STEVEN!” Jay yelled, wanting to hear about the rest of the dinner. A minute later, Steven walked into the room to see Jay leaning against the pool table, fire crackling in the background, Chase playing the guitar, and Carrie approaching him.

          “Hi,” she said, somewhat worried that he would be angry at her for blowing up the way she did.

          “Hey you,” he replied, holding her head in his hands, “looks like Jay entertained you after your outburst,” he commented.

          “Yeah, you’re not mad are you?”

          “Mad? Why would I be mad? You told off my dad and the one person I hate most. What reason do I have to be mad? Partying with Jay? I’m okay with that as long as he doesn’t let you go overboard, which I know he won’t,” Steven replied. Jay gave him an ear to ear grin and walked up to his brother.

          “So what did their faces look like? Was he speechless? What about hoity-toity ex-girlfriend? What did she say?” Jay bombarded, sounding giddy. Steven smiled, and started to explain the speechlessness he received from his father and Charlette. Also, he started to talk about the plans that they had decided on for the annual party. Talking for another hour or so, Carrie and Steven went upstairs to his room.

          “You really amazed me tonight, you know that?” he said, looking into her eyes. She smiled in return, and he lifted her chin up to look him in the eyes. A little buzzed from the drinks at dinner and a few at home, he focused his eyes.

          “I know that you would never be with me for my money. I can see that in you. Money doesn’t matter to you, and I love that. It allows me to be myself around you,” he added.

          “I wouldn’t want it any other way,” she replied, kissing him. Her light feather kiss turned into one filled with true passion. He moved her towards the bed, shedding clothes along the way. Once the back of her legs hit the foot of his massive king sized bed, he picked her up. Wrapping her legs around his waist, he carried her towards the head of the bed, his lips never leaving hers. In that moment, their bodies were radiating with passion and love. Even though neither one had said, “I love you,” out loud, they moved together as lovers. Getting lost in each other for the evening, tangled under sheets, Carrie felt herself truly falling for him.

 

          “Hello?” Jay answered his phone, not recognizing the number displayed. Chase looked at him waiting to hear who it was that would be calling this late.

          “Who?” he asked the mysterious person. Confusion crossed his face, and then he raised his eyebrows in bewilderment.

          “Yeah, she’s here. Where are you?” he asked in a more hushed tone, so that Chase and Gale couldn’t easily hear.

          “Monday at noon?” he said, and a few seconds later he hung up his phone.

          “Who was that?” Chase asked Jay, looking at him like he was hiding something.

          “Nobody. Just a friend who decided to come visit,” he replied, taking his turn at pool. Jay was an excellent liar, and for once it was probably serving him well. This was something he needed to keep to himself. Janie. Janie Moore.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Dhendon
Review

Well, well, well. Now we are truly getting into the characters even more. First off, I am pretty sure I about fell in love with Carrie after her little speech at the dinner as well. That was truly excellent, and any reader who loves to tell people off every once in a while will fall in love with her from this moment on.

I like that you told us what happened between Carrie and Steven without getting too visual because frankly, not many people like all that visual, descriptive stuff anyway. We would much rather know it and move on, so points for doing that.

Personally, every time Carrie goes to party or hang out with Jay, I get really nervous that she will become majorly carried away. I'm glad to see that there is still the thoughts of audience as most younger readers will not need to know that massive drug use is popular in books. I'm glad that only a little hint of this was used because excessive use of such things can ruin a wonderful book. You have managed to use the ideas without overusing them.

Again, a few typos and errors, easily fixed with a revision or two. I found no major problems with this section. As always, I suggest some additional details, but that's my personal opinion. Overall, I see a wonderful story developing and I am excited to keep reading it. Keep up the excellent work!

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Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:43 pm

Hi there Andrea,

You've gotten pretty good feedback from Tenyo already. I agree that reading other works with a similar genre to yours will benefit your technique greatly :) Once that's improved I'm sure you can't get any better. For now though, I'll just stick to the story.

So far, I like where this is going. The relationship between Steven and Carrie continues growing. And what I've said about picking things up from the previous chapters has already happened. Carrie's back on track with getting a job. I feel like Charlette is going to stir up trouble somehow, and I'm eager in knowing what's going to happen there. I like her bad character and the father's as well. I can see how his meddling can harm the happy couple.

I also really like how you've ended this chapter. Although we don't exactly know who Janie is, the recognition of the last name is enough to make the reader suspicious. Suspicious enough to turn to the next page, which is perfect. Exactly what a writer wants!

There were a few grammatical and punctuation related mistakes scattered in here. They were small, but a substantial amount. I suggest you read it through and read it out loud to see where the mistakes are. It helps a lot.

One thing I'm starting to get cautious about is Steven and Carrie together. Is their relationship always going to be this smooth? If they reach a little difficult and I expect a big hiccup in their relationship to happen, it gets smoothed out by willing apologies from both sides. This is good - no doubt. But fights can make couples stronger when they make up again. And it seems unrealistic that they haven't had a single misunderstanding or argument. This is a little thing that's started nagging me, but could be included somewhere.

Reading onwards!

Deanie x

User avatar
Tenyo
Review
Tenyo wrote a review · Tue Jun 11, 2013 8:24 am

Hey Andrea!

First things first-
Steven's opening comment actually made me go wide-eyed. The relationship between these characters is deathly blunt and agonisingly formal. I love it! The chemistry is fantastic and the tension created almost solely by the dialogue is really good.

Going goggle eyed
People react in a thousand different ways, and it's not all in the eyes. If you've ever watched two people interacting or arguing (reality tv shows are great for analysing this) you've probably noticed that the whole body reacts. Feet shift, ears twitch, fingers tap, posture changes, jaws clench. You can excentuate your characters personality and habits much more if you take note of what the rest of their body is doing. That's not without acknowledging the next point though.

Zooming out
So, I call this one the Talking Head Syndrome, which is something associated more with movies and comic books than novels but the principle still goes. THS is when your attention bounces back and forward between the characters like a tennis ball, in movies this is when the camera jumps back and forth between two faces during a conversation.
In this piece every paragraph seems to be structured as 'he said, he did, she said, she did, he said, he did.'
Try zooming out a bit. How does the sun through the window reflect on the moods of your characters? For example: "Refusing to look at the wretched woman from his past, which was currently burning holes into his face with those brown-black eyes, he chuckled..."
In this case you could have a brief flicker of memory, maybe how the patterns on the tablecloth remind him of a moment with her. Or you could comment on the atmosphere, or use a different sense like how the smell of her perfume burned his nose. If all else fails, just leave the dialogue to speak for itself. You do have a knack for powerful dialogue, so you should have no problem with that.
Bring your focus outward from just their faces and reactions and include the rest of the room and the other senses.

Overall
Nice work =] Your writing ability is good but your techniques are limited. I'd recommend exploring other peoples writings, disecting various structures and methods and adopting the ones you like best.
Keep working hard and you'll be awesome.



It's like being in love, discovering your best friend.
— Elizabeth Wein, Code Name Verity