Take Me Home- Chapter One: How Charming

by Andrea2676Marie

Published May 31, 2013

16+ Language Violence Mature Content

In Take Me Home

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

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Watching the palm trees, something she had never seen before, pass by through the window of the taxi made Carrie realize that she was definitely far from home. Having escaped the deadbeat life back in Rillmont, Michigan she was finally free. Theresa, her mother, would no longer be there to drag her down. She was really not much of a mother, both Carrie and her younger sister addressed her as Theresa. Turning the corner into Sunray’s Inn snapped her out of her thoughts, and at that moment she decided not to dwell on the past and instead look forward to a new beginning.
Paying the cab driver for the ride from the airport to the motel, she went into the lobby to check into her room. She didn’t have many bags with her, just one suitcase and a backpack. The nametag on the teenager at the front desk read Lizzy, and Carrie smiled.
“Checkin’ in?” asked Lizzy
          “Yes, my name is Carrie Moore, I don’t have any reservations.”
          “Well you’re in luck Carrie Moore, we have 33 rooms open. You lookin’ for just a single?”
          Carrie laughed at this reply, and stated, “Sure, whatever’s cheapest.”
          “Room 22 then. And how long will ya be staying?” Lizzy inquired
          “Umm, well I’m not exactly sure yet, I only planned as far as the plane ride and a spot on a map.” Lizzy smiled slightly, nodded, and grabbed a room key to scan the correct room.
“Well ma’am, let me be the first to welcome you to Stonessa, Florida. I hope you enjoy your stay.” Soon Carrie paid the $47 for the night in cash she had left over, and proceeded to her new room.
          Unpleasant was pretty fitting to the condition room 22 was in. It was clean, thank the lord, but it was not at all someplace she wanted to stay long term. The walls were a mustard yellow color, complete with orange laminate countertops in the small kitchenette. Daisies occupied the bedspread on the queen sized bed in the middle of the room. Setting her suitcase and backpack down, she hesitantly walked to the bathroom, unsure of how bad it would be, but breathed a sigh of relief once she saw a clean, plain, floral decorated bathroom. It was a place to stay. It would do, for now.
          Being only 1:00pm, Carrie decided she should visit the beach. She had never been to the beach, having lived in a small town her whole life in Michigan. From reading travel magazines at home she often pictured what it would be like to live by the beach, somewhere warm. Her fantasy was now a reality, and Carrie was grinning ear to ear. Finding the only sundress she packed, a swimsuit, and a book she bought with the little money she had at the airport, she set out to the beach. From Sunray’s Inn, the beach in Stonessa was only a fifteen minute walk. Lizzy was kind enough to give her directions. Walking in the sun, some 1,500 miles from her wretched home, was quite relaxing. Her brown hair with streaks of blonde shined in the sun, and she looked like a local with tanned skin and beach attire. Arriving, she gasped. It was such a beautiful sight. The waves of the giant ocean crashing against the shore, and sand that looked so white and soft, completely outdid her idea of the beach. Seeing it, feeling it, was a totally different experience. Taking off her flip flops, she trotted over to an unoccupied spot near a tree. She plopped herself onto the sand, and smiled. Even though she had no idea what her next move was, where she would end up in a week, not to mention the issue of having barely any money left, she was too excited to be worrying about any of these problems. Carrie opened up her book, “The Five People You Meet in Heaven”, that the lady at the airport told her was a must read. Just as she started to get lost in yet another book, WHAM! Hit right in the side of her head. Dropping her book, she looked up, suddenly irritated to see who the rude idiot was that hit her in the head with what she thought was a volleyball.
          “Oh my God. Sorry! Hey, I’m really sorry, we were just playing a game and things got a little outta control.” said a voice approaching her, laughing. Carrie looked up, and to her surprise, her rude idiot was very good looking. He had dark brown hair, almost black and striking blue eyes. It was the eyes that got her, they made her forget for a split second that she was planning on yelling at this man.
          “Hey, are you ok?” he asked. Carrie blinked, stared at him for another two seconds and he began to smirk.
          “Yeah, I’m fine. Just slightly frustrated. I lost my place in my book.” She said, irritation rolling off the tongue.
          “Well I’m really sorry, but can I please have my ball back?” his comment made her mad, and she didn’t know why but she was suddenly giving him a furrowed brow frown. He then noticed her expression and said, “Please?”
          She stopped frowning, grabbed the ball that had rolled behind her, and handed it to him.
“So since I hit you in the face, you’re already kind of part of the game, wanna join?” for some odd reason she seriously considered. Looking over at the sand court and net, she smiled. It really did look like fun. However, she decided to have better manners and not intrude.
          “I’m fine, thanks though. Maybe next time.” She replied.
          “How do you know there will be a next time?” the man asked, smirking and looking at her like he was expecting a smart ass reply in return.
          “Well, sir, I really don’t know if there will be a next time, I am just trying to be polite.” Her irritation was subsiding, and she was actually half smiling at their developing argument.
          “If you won’t play volleyball with us, will you at least come with me to The Nectarine tonight?” he asked. Was this really his idea of asking me on a date? He just hit me if the face with a volleyball!
          “Are you asking me out on a date? And I don’t even know what The Nectarine is, or who you are.” She was always pretty straight to the point. He smiled, playing with the ball in his hands. In the background, his friends were shouting at him to return to the game.
          “Yes. It’s a bar. And my name is Steven. That annoying guy jumping up and down over there is my brother, Jay. I’m not a serial killer, I promise.” He held out his hand, still smiling. She extended her hand to shake his and said,
          “Carrie.” She replied.
          “Nice to meet you, Carrie. So what will it be? Take a chance on a guy who throws volleyballs at women?” he teased. “I promise it’s nothing big, just a few drinks. The bar is right down that road there on the right side. There’s a sign out front.” He pointed down what she has assumed was Main Street. Carrie thought about his offer, and decided that she had already taken a chance on up and leaving home, so why not meet some new people? It’s not like she was going to go to meet him in an alley, it was a bar, right?
          “Alright. I’ll come. What time?” she asked. He immediately smiled.
          “Great. How does seven sound?”
          “I can do that. See you then?”
          “I’m looking forward to it. And again, I am sorry for hitting you in the head.” He smiled, and walked back to his game where his friends had grown bored of waiting and were now sitting in a circle talking. With that, Carrie felt awkward to continue to sit under her tree with her book, and decided to walk down the beach to analyze her recent encounter with Steven.
 

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
bigmacloves
Review
bigmacloves wrote a review Review · Jun 9, 2013

Hey its Bigmacloves here for another review.... P.S. I just copied some one else review sense they had all my points in it

This is an excellent start to a story. I love the ideas that are starting to develop in the story, and I love the plot line. I'm excited to see further development of the actions.

As for the characters, personally, I love how Carrie is portrayed. She is very straightforward which allows the reader to understand her thoughts without having to list out her mental conversations because her thoughts are shown in her actions and dialogue. I love a good story where the thoughts of the characters are shown without boring me.

The descriptions and details are excellent, and overall, I'm excited to keep reading what you will write. Good job.

daughterofapollo97 commented Comment · Jun 7, 2013

great start to the story. i love how you describe every detail which gives the reader a nice view of where the main character is and what she is doing.

User avatar
Dhendon
Review
Dhendon wrote a review Review · Jun 1, 2013

This is an excellent start to a story. I love the ideas that are starting to develop in the story, and I love the plot line. I'm excited to see further development of the actions.

As for the characters, personally, I love how Carrie is portrayed. She is very straightforward which allows the reader to understand her thoughts without having to list out her mental conversations because her thoughts are shown in her actions and dialogue. I love a good story where the thoughts of the characters are shown without boring me.

The descriptions and details are excellent, and overall, I'm excited to keep reading what you will write. Good job.

Thank you so much! Thanks for the support!

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Jun 1, 2013

Hi Andrea,

This was a really good beginning. You've got a nice personal style that's all your own, and I liked it! It had a nice beginning, middle, and ending to it. Steven sounds like a pretty awesome character, and I love how he has humor. Humor is a key part in any story, and it's all sounding pretty good.

I wonder where this will go now. I wonder where the drama and complications will set in. But I'm looking forwards to it! Keep writing and let me know when the next chapter is posted! I'd be sure to read it :)

Deanie x

Chapter Two is up! Thank you!

DannieInkblotHanson wrote a review Review · Jun 1, 2013

Hello! I read your thing and now I shall write a thing about your thing that I have read. Here I go.
You're doing a fantastic job with character. Right off the bat I knew what kind of person Carrie was and you gave us just enough of her backstory to show us how real she was and also give some room for revealing more of it later. And normally love-interest male characters come off cliche and flat but Steven's actually a cool character and I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.
Your setting discriptions were also greeeeeeat. I loved the beginning with the palm tree bit. Yay.
There were a few nitpicky grammar things with comma placement but that was probably an accident. You should probably reread and edit those. Typos. They are the worst thing about writing.
Overall, it's the start of a really great love story and I'm really excited to see what happens to Carrie and Steven. Keep it up! :D

Posted Chapter Two! And thank you!!!!!!

User avatar
samriddhi Comment
samriddhi commented Comment · May 31, 2013

awesome blossom story



Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind