Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Morpheus’ Possession
Morpheus’ POV
Morpheus frowned, both impatient and disappointed by the current events. The Kelpie should be making progress already, but it seemed that the fey creature had grown attached to her.
“Love.”
The Nightmare, Morpheus, spat the word. It left a bitter taste in his mouth he couldn’t ignore. What a disgusting affliction to have. He felt betrayed by Survivor, his current accomplice, for the Kelpie had been straying lately from their deal.
It didn’t help that they both had so much in common. Both Morpheus and Survivor shared a common hatred for Mankind. Both of them hated their limitations set by God and Man. But here the common horse was, just lollygagging around like some love-sick puppy.
Sickening.
One way or another, Morpheus would have his way. A deal had been struck, after all, and both were bound by their word.
The Nightmare seethed, stalking around the manor.
A cry of fear and outrage rang in his ears, and the demon paused, listening. The muffled yelling sounded again. He followed the sound up the staircase and into a master bedroom. Seeing a man, full of grief, the Nightmare couldn’t help but grin.
The scent of alcohol drew him in, like a sweet and irresistible aroma. The Nightmare waited around the man.
Waiting by the bed.
Waiting for the man to sleep.
Waiting for his chance.
Daniel’s POV
Daniel cried out in grief and suffering. His wrists were shaking, and his body convulsed. It was so difficult to resist the beverage before him. So difficult just to numb the pain. To be able to lose himself in his own self-medication.
It was so easy just to grab it, just to taste a bit to take the edge off. He shook harder, doing his best to resist the urge.
He groaned in pain. Playing cold turkey was so difficult.
But it’d be worth it just to be able to be there for his daughter. She needed him. And he needed to be sober.
He needed…. Needed…
Needed to be sober. Just a little longer.
What would Lyn think if she saw him like this? Would she turn away in shame? Would she have been disappointed, to see what had become of him?
Would she-
Argh!
He groaned, holding his pounding head in pain.
It had never been this bad before. It felt worse than a hangover. Much worse.
Was it really worth it? Yes, he thought.
It is. I just have to suffer a little longer…
I just need to be there for her. For my sweet girl.
I just need… I need…
Daniel shook his head, his vision becoming blurry.
No, I need to resist.
I just need…. I need…
“A drink.”
Maybe one wouldn’t hurt. His hand shakily reached for a glass.
And, reluctantly, he drank it.
He shook again, hating his weakness. A wave of exhaustion hit him.
“No, not on the floor,” he told himself, struggling to get to his bed.
He struggled towards the bed, feeling as if he was swimming in molasses. One more step, just one more, he told himself. He sighed in relief as he touched the edge of the bed. He blinked, trying to clear away the tiredness and unclear thoughts. “I made it,” he rasped.
Barely made it.
And Daniel’s body, full of exhaustion and pain, collapsed.
Morpheus’ POV
Morpheus grinned as he witnessed the man’s unconscious state. He perched on the man’s chest and stared at the man’s closed eyelids as the demon put both hands on the man’s forehead.
Morpheus concentrated, staring through the man’s closed eyes and pushing his way into his new victim’s mind.
He let out a chuckle as he roamed through the man’s memories, pausing at one. “Daniel, how fitting. You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”
It figures, the man, Daniel, the source of Survivor’s enslavement, had a taste for revenge. Revenge for his wife.
The demon grinned inhumanly wide. Revenge he could work with.
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Heya, Amy! Casanova here to do a review! Anyway, I'll be doing this in two parts.
The Positives:
First off I feel like you have a really strong plot idea here. You're keeping it flowing, and I feel like you have a pretty good direction. So, props for that!
Morpheaus's character is pretty good. You get the anger in his character down pat, and I feel like you portray it well. I would say keep that up, and I could see how this would actually play out. So, props for that. Anyway, on to the next section.
The Negatives:
The first thing is the Daniel POV. The only thing I'm really getting from him is that he's a drunkard, and I didn't really find anything of value in that. I would suggest giving him more than just,"I need another drink."I would think that would be a lot better.
The next thing is how you've formatted this. In most places you have singular lines that could make a paragraph. I'm not a fan off large paragraphs, but it seems you could have structured this a bit better than what it is. Here's an example of what I mean-
These all seem like(besides that dialogue) they would make a paragraph together, and I'm having trouble understanding why most of your lines are broken up like this.
Anyway, that's all I have for now. And I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
Thanks! Actually, that helps a lot. I just need more development on Daniel, lol.
Remington38 here for a reveiw, pleasure to meet you.
Honestly I loved it already just from the title. I love Greek mythology and all of the different tales. You are such a talented writer, I can't even begin to describe it. I am terrible at describing events of pain because I don't ever portray it justice I feel, you do what I wish I could. I felt all of this along with the protagonist. I love how you switched from perspective and you speak like how I would image Morpheus would speak. You are incredibly talented and a wonderful writer. I hope to read more by you.
Cool, thanks! =)