Kelpie – Amy Medek - Wattpad
Summary:
Kelpies can be controlled by the holder of their magic glittering bridles and saddles. But, once the Kelpies are given their bridles and saddles back, they no longer are under control and are free to do as they wish. This Kelpie (named Survivor) is mischievous and has a sadistic joy in killing people and animals at first, but later comes to realize the value of life through another's eyes (he's the Kelpie of the Mourning Pool (a pool at the bottom of a waterfall) (this is connected to the tale of God's Tears and also a place that is known to bring peace and solace to one's heart if someone needs to mourn. It is also said that the water there has healing properties and some people go there and risk it.) at the bottom of God's Tears (Twin waterfalls that run into the Mourning Pool) (God's Tears are called that because of the fall of mankind. It is said that God shed tears at Man's first sin, and it is here where he wept for the fall of Man.) Widower's Willow (rumor has it that the largest tree there was planted into the ground by Mr. Daniel Alan Samuels, by the site where he last saw his happy wife (Mrs. Lyn Sarah Torin Samuels) (she's 34 years when she dies) before she was spirited away by a Kelpie and killed. Her spirit haunts the tree, warning any passerby so they, too may not have the same tragic fate.) Eve Connors (she's 25 years old) is the main character of the story, and is hired to be a (originally hired to be and only expected to be) maid, (decides to take it upon herself to be) governess and friend of Mr. Samuels' daughter, and (decides to take it upon herself to be) caretaker of the captured Kelpie (Mr. Daniel Alan Samuels captured Survivor after much toil) (Eve Connors doesn't know that Survivor is a Kelpie at first) Jane Lyn Samuels is a curious little girl, and Mr. Samuels' daughter. She loves Eve and wants Eve to be Jane's new mom. Old Man Jack – a 'crazy' old man who is supposed to be the stable master for the horses, but for some reason he neglects the Kelpie. Mr. Samuels (he's 41 years old) is often haunted by the memories of that day, when his wife was taken in front of his eyes. He takes out his frustration by drinking and riding horses out to Widower's Willow, where he cries out all of his anger, hurt, and grief. (Strangely he feels closest to his wife there and feels as if she tries to talk to him there.) Out of all of the horses, the Kelpie is the only one that Mr. Samuels refuses to ride or use. He ignores the Kelpie that had murdered his wife and is now captured in Mr. Samuels' stables. Old Man Jack keeps the Kelpie's saddle hidden, and Mr. Samuels has the Kelpie's bridle. That way it's less likely for the Kelpie to escape. The Kelpie is often left in the darkest part of the stables, given no food or water, no attention, no sunlight, just left to die alone except for the occasional visit of Old Man Jack who comes over to taunt the dark fairy. (Or when Mr. Samuels thinks no one is looking, he tries to talk to the creature with negative results, and isn't satisfied with just the dark fey horse's suffering.) (Eve finds out about the Kelpie's condition and nurses him back to health without knowing that he's a Kelpie.) Though Mr. Samuels is aware of his drinking problem, he knows that he struggles to refrain from drinking when it's one of the only things that can help dull the pain and drown out the thoughts of his dear wife. He knows that in this state, it's no place for his daughter to grow up, but he can't find it in himself (by himself) to stop drinking and in doing so hurts her as well as himself (emotionally for her and physically and emotionally for him). Eventually he tries playing cold fish, but it doesn't work. After the withdrawal symptoms, he just jumps back into drinking. Cook takes care of the food, and does her best to keep the place in shape. But she can't seem to get Mr. Samuels from drinking or the last maid from dying of old age (and none of the local townspeople will accept a job to be a maid from the cursed Samuels Manor). She's around 27 years old. Mrs. Maria Hope was the last maid before Eve Connors was employed. Mrs. Hope actually started to lose hope when she found no answers to the ad she had put in the newspaper for a new maid, and just as she had stumbled and someone had caught her. It was Eve Connors who had caught the old woman. Eve had helped Mrs. Hope to the Manor, and just as she said that she had found a new maid to Cook and Jane, Mrs. Hope dies gracefully, as if she had fainted or fallen asleep. Nightmare: a dark fey creature that strikes a deal with Survivor (the Kelpie). "A favor for a favor." He steals the Kelpie's body for giving him power over dreams. The Kelpie is nursed to health by Eve when he finally is in such a weak state that he's taken to lying on the ground. At first he passively takes her treatment, but he longs to kill her (the only thing stopping him from doing so is that he's bound by the saddle and bridle that are hidden away into servitude of the human race) (it physically pains him and paralyzes him whenever he starts to revert back to his nature as a Kelpie). Finally, he resorts to hurting her in her dreams, but is stopped and collapses in her dreams in pain as she notices him. She gives him time to look at the moon and stars from an open window when he recovers since he can't walk, and it moves him slightly. He stops trying to kill her, and instead resorts to trying to scare her in her dreams and hurt her by bringing up painful memories. But no matter what he tries, she never gets the nightmares he wants her to have. (It's because she prayed to God for her to not have nightmares anymore as a child and He granted her request. She also is aware of her dreams while asleep, though she doesn't always remember them. But the Nightmare, since forbidden to enter her dreams by God, is willing to help the Kelpie out, for a price. A favor for a favor.) So the Nightmare gives the Kelpie the ability to when he visits her dreams, he makes her dream them as if she were awake (in other words, to remember her dreams). The Kelpie tries to convince her to free him and lets her know that Old Man Jack has the Kelpie's saddle hidden in a secret compartment underneath a pile of hay in a hole in the ground in the horse's stall across from his. She finds out that her dreams are really real since she finds the Kelpie's saddle. She hates seeing the Kelpie suffer, but knows that he can't also make others suffer due to his nature. So they decide that he promises not to harm a human being again unless it's absolutely crucial to his survival or the life of another. He reluctantly says to her "I promise, on my life as a Kelpie to swear to you that pact between us. Once I am freed by you, I will never even intentionally contact with a human again." At each passing day, the Kelpie's heart grows fonder of her more and more, until he can stand it no longer, but on that day she finds his bridle (for that is when Mr. Samuels had proposed marriage to her and she found it hidden in the chest underneath its false bottom). She carries the engagement ring loosely in her left, and the bridle in her right. The Kelpie backs away from her, not wanting to leave her, but knowing he must if he's to gain his freedom. His choice is taken from him when Nightmare interferes by telling him to give his body over as the favor, which causes the Kelpie to freeze at the request and Eve puts his bridle and saddle on him. Eve is shot by Mr. Samuels, which makes the Kelpie scream "NO!" The Nightmare laughs as the Kelpie's shared body retreats. "At last you feel the pain of loss," Mr. Samuels whispers.Chapters:
Kelpie – sectioned by (possible chapters)
1. Mr. Samuels wakes up from the nightmare of losing his wife and takes a drink.
2. Mrs. Maria Hope is near losing hope for a replacement maid when she is caught in an almost fainting spell by Eve Connors. Eve accepts the job, claiming that she was in search of work herself (though she's from outside of town herself, and doesn't know why no one will take the job).
Sequel Idea:
Possible sequel: Survivor and Nightmare fight each other for the Kelpie body, and Nightmare wins, and rules over Survivor's territory in a real body instead of just the ethereal. Nightmare finds out that Eve is still alive and tries to kill her. And since Survivor isn't the one controlling his body, the rules can be bent. Which means the Kelpie's body can be used to kill her once Nightmare has complete control. Survivor finally is drawn out of his own body in his humanoid shape, and Nightmare attacks as an equine shape of the Kelpie (what really happened was that Survivor's two forms were made separate, now only he can be human and only Nightmare can be Kelpie). He wrestles the horse part of himself and kills it, leaving only the man behind. Nightmare is dead and Survivor is reunited with Eve. Eve cries, saying: "I thought you couldn't bear the burden that comes with love." He ends the story with, "Love is worth the loss." And they finally kiss.
Hey AmyMedek, here for a Review Day review!
As this is a list of ideas I'll base this review off of the capability of these items to work in a story, item by item.
1. Kelpies can change form, so what happens when they aren't disguised as horses?
2. I like the interesting back story you've come up with. I would add in something of how Survivor got to this pool, though, and how he can survive because kelpies are usually in the ocean, meaning they need salt water.
3. Cool idea. Perhaps explain how the woman's spirit came to possess the tree. What drew here into it?
4. Nice plot twisting here. Can't wait to see it put into writing.
5-6. No problem here.
7. This seems interesting, but it has a few holes. If no one likes the "kelpie" and they don't want to be around it or take care of it, then why is it still in the stables.? There has to be some underlying reason why it's there.
8. Seems normal enough to any story.
9. This one seems like it could be useful, as Cook isn't necessarily one of the big name, important people, but it feels like you'll be using them and their character to teach the reader about the story. Using this sort of "third party" method is good.
10. Nice, simple plot shaker.
11. This part is really interesting, and will make your story dropped into another dimension of depth and fitness. Be careful , though, because a lot of people think it's cool to have that antagonist that wants to take over the body, but the body's owner never actually gets anything good out if it. Your idea seems okay, but perhaps not quite equal.
For the rest of it, there's some bookkeeping details that could be altered, but I'll stop there.
I give it:
cool, thanks!
Hey there, AmyMedek, and happy review day! I'm not really sure how to review this, since it's just ideas. I guess I'll type down my thoughts as I read through it.
First of all, kelpies are my favourite mythical species! So I suppose I love this idea already.
Her spirit haunts the tree, warning any passerby so they, too may not have the same tragic fate.)
Is Lyn's ghost the one who inspires whoever catches the kelpie to catch it? Just something to think about. She needs to have a proper part in the story, rather than just 'being there'. For example, here's two scenarios: 1. As the main character walks past, Lyn warns mc about the kelpie. 2. The main character is walking by, but the kelpie is creeping up on them (I know kelpie's don't do that, it's just an example). Lyn shouts 'behind you!' hence saving the mc's life. Though the two scenes are similar, she only has a proper, impacting role in the second.
Eve is shot by Mr. Samuels, which makes the Kelpie scream "NO!" The Nightmare laughs as the Kelpie's shared body retreats. "At last you feel the pain of loss," Mr. Samuels whispers.
I was going to say that you need some more conflict, and perhaps Eve should be put in danger for helping the kelpie. Then I read this, and that's exactly what you planned! It is a very bittersweet ending (especially if you skip the sequel and let Eve die) but very impacting.
That's all I've got!
ok, thanks for the help