Published July 19, 2013
Phoenix
My mind felt numb. My whole body was heavy. After I had finished talking with Miss Chariot, she’d told me to hand the phone to my mother, who had made me, rather aggressively, leave the room. They wanted to talk in private. That meant for sure that she was hiding something from. She knew about it all. And Miss Chariot was helping her to hide something from me. My own mother, conspiring with someone I’d never met.
I stared at my ceiling, breathing slowly and mechanically. In. Out. In. Out. It wasn’t helping me to calm down. I mean, how do you calm down when you find out that you’re a witch and your father was a wizard and your mother supposedly didn’t know this? The whole thing seemed crazy, but I believed it. I could tell from the way my mum was acting that it was true. It was strange; she seemed rather obviously unhappy with how things were progressing, yet, for some reason, she was letting it all happen without any resistance.
When I finally answered her, Miss Chariot told me that I was a witch and that my father had been one of the greatest wizards of his time. She said that I was a descendent of the Night family and that I had been sent into hiding with my mother for my own safety, which is why no one had told me in the past who I really was. Stories of the Night family had apparently been well censored amongst the non-magic world, which was why I had been safe. But, now, it was time for me to learn about being a witch and take up my lineage. It was a lot to take in and in the end I had only managed to ask her one question.
“Will I get to see my father?” I’d asked.
“I’m sorry,” Miss Chariot had said. “He is also in hiding.”
So why couldn’t we hide with him? Why couldn’t I just meet him? What was he hiding from? Was I in serious danger? I still had so many unanswered questions.
After the phone call, my mother informed me that I would be attending Nightingale Academy in the new year. She told me not to worry, that she and Miss Chariot would take care of everything. Somehow, that didn’t reassure me. I didn’t tell her that though. I had to trust her. She was all I’d had my whole life and I needed to continue believing in her. I needed her.
After that, summer seemed long. I know, it’s six weeks, and, if you think about it, that is long, but right now it seemed really long.This was mostly because, for the first time in my life, I was actually looking forward to going back to school. Why? Because I was going to Nightingale Academy as of this year, and that meant the best schooling in the country, brilliant social status and classes on magic. But none of that was the most important thing. The most important thing was that this had to be the key to finding out more about my family. That woman, Miss Chariot, knew something about my father, and by the way she spoke, she probably wasn’t the only one. All I had to do was get that information out of her.
“Here we are,” the shopkeeper said, placing a large pile of books on the counter. “This is everything you should need for year nine studies at Nightingale Academy.”
I had to stop myself from swearing. “That much?”
“Don’t worry, the school provide you with the rest.”
That’s not what I’m worrying about!
I placed some money on the counter and, whilst he got my change, tried to figure out how exactly I was going to get all of that all the way home. Some of the books I put in my bag and slung it over my shoulder, wincing from the weight of it but there were still about five left, which I had to carry in my arms. As I left the shop a noisy crowd of kids entered it. They gave me some of the dirtiest looks as I passed them, but they were magic folk and, though I was too now, I didn’t look anything like them.
“I wonder if should get a wand,” I thought out loud.
I’d never done magic before, obviously, so I didn’t know whether a wand made it easier or not. Looking at the large pile of books in my hand, I decided that I could manage without one and started to make my way in the direction of home. The streets were slowly becoming more and more deserted by the minute and the clouds in the sky seemed to be readying for rain – if I didn’t hurry I would probably get caught in it with a pile of heavy books in my arms. The kids who had entered the shop after me suddenly came running up behind me and one of them clipped me as he went past. The weight of the books made it impossible for me to regain my balance and I fell, face-planting the floor.
“Ouch,” I grumbled, pushing myself onto my knees.
I could hear the little brat who’d collided with me laughing with his little friends. I was embarrassed and infuriated but there was nothing I could do about it. The kid would get away with it. He and his friends ran off, leaving me picking my books back up. Just as I was reaching for one of them a hand appeared and picked it up for me. I followed the arm up to a face, an incredibly beautiful face. The boy must have been about my age, with honey blonde hair that was gelled into spikes. His eyes were a stormy blue, with more grey closer to the pupils. His features were rounded, making his face seem almost gentle and his lips were pulled back in an inviting smile.
“Are you ok?” he asked. His voice was just as gentle as his face.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you,” I said, taking the book from him and standing up.
He stood up too and brushed the dirt off of his trousers. Then he gave me one last smile, turned and walked away. At least not everyone in the world of magic was stuck up and cruel for no good reason.
We sat in awkward silence. This was how it had been between us for a while now. I mean, what could we say? Once I left for Nightingale academy I wouldn’t see Maya again until Christmas.
“I’ll miss you,” she assured me.
I nodded, “Same,” I said.
“How the hell can you be a witch?” she shouted suddenly. “It’s not fair. You weren’t a witch before.”
“I know,” I said distantly. “I’m still trying to get to grips with it myself.”
She smiled at me. “Make sure you become a really good witch.”
“I’ll try,” I said grinning at her.
This was it, the last time I’d see her smile like that for months. Would I make new friends? Would any of them equal her? I wrapped my arms around her and closed my eyes. If only I could bring her with me…But I couldn’t. Slowly we unravelled from each other and I watched her leave.
Tomorrow, I would go to Nightingale Academy. Tomorrow, I would be one step closer to the truth.
I didn’t sleep well that night, tossing and turning and seeing snippets of images that didn’t make any sense to me. When I woke in the morning, my mother had already collected my cases from my room and was loading them into the car boot. Watching her from the window, I chewed on my nails nervously. She stopped once the boot was closed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Then she came back into the house and I heard her calling for me from downstairs. I slipped into my jacket and headed down the stairs.
She smiled at me and brushed my hair behind my ear affectionately. “Got everything?” she asked.
“You should know,” I said. “You practically packed for me.”
She laughed lightly and led me out to the car. Then we set off and I said goodbye to the different things from the neighbourhood that we passed in my head. Soon, we entered a part of London that was unfamiliar to me. The houses here were bigger. The people moved differently. The streets were unnaturally clean. There were fewer cars. Why drive when you can fly, after all? I had never been so far into the magic zone. Everywhere had magic and non-magic zones. It wasn’t exactly intentional. People had just become naturally segregated due to how magic affected your social and financial standing. Of course, there were always people in the middle, rich, soul selling non-magic folk and misfortunate, poor magic folk. But generally, they lived here and we lived in the poorer part of town. I guess it wasn’t like that anymore. After all, I was one of them now.
The car slowed in front of a large modern building made almost entirely of glass, turning into the car park at the side. Once mum had selected a parking space, we both got out of the car and retrieved my cases. Then she walked me into the building and I got my first taste of what it was like to be on the inside of the magic world. There were crowds of people everywhere and no one carrying the luggage like me – they were all floating it. I wondered briefly if I would be able to do the same. I decided against trying it. Miss Chariot waved to us, immerging from the crowd and walking towards us.
“I’ll take those from here,” she said, waving her hand so that my bags flew off towards a desk.
The woman manning the desk looked over at Miss Chariot, nodded and loaded my bags onto a conveyor belt behind her. Then Miss Chariot placed a hand on my back and guided me over to her side.
“Let’s get you to the transporters,” she said.
“Can’t mum come with me?” I said desperately.
“She won’t be able to get through the barriers,” Miss Chariot explained.
I turned to my mother. This would be the last time I saw her till parents evening. I brushed Miss Chariot off and wrapped my arms around her, whispering into her chest, “I’ll miss you.”
She returned my hug and rocked me gently from side to side.
“I’ll miss you too honey,” she said.
For a while we stayed like that. Then we pried ourselves apart and she placed a kiss on my forehead. Backing away, she waved and Miss Chariot placed a forceful hand on my back and guided me towards the barriers. When I cast a look over my shoulder, I couldn’t see my mother anymore – I was too short to be able to see her through the crowd. Someone sidled over to Miss Chariot and muttered something to her. She turned to me and pointed to the barriers.
“Head through the barriers and I’ll meet you on the other side,” she said.
I wanted to object but I didn’t have time; she was already gone. Obediently, I joined a line in front of one of the barriers and moved forward with the crowd. As I got closer I peered round the side of the line to get a better look at the barriers. They were like the barriers in the London underground, except that in the place of swinging doors there was a translucent film that pealed open and closed as people passed through it, and instead of oyster cards people were scanning their fingers. I watched the person in front of me carefully as they worked the machine. When they were accepted the light flashed green, the film peeled back and they passed through. Then it was my turn. Placing my finger on the scanner, I waited for the green light but it never came. Instead, I got a red light and a buzzer. Confused, I took my finger off then tried again. I got another red light. Behind me people started getting agitated at the wait and started muttering.
I tried cleaning the scanner and trying again but I still got a red light. That was when I became aware of angry footsteps heading towards me and looked up. A boy, about my age, scowled at me with bright, icy blue eyes. He had skin as pale as mine and shocking black hair to contrast with it and he held himself with arrogance.
“What’s the hold up?” he asked frustratedly.
“Um…It won’t work,” I stuttered, feeling my cheeks heat up with the attention that I was getting.
He placed his finger on the pad and waited. The light lit up green and stepped past me, through the barrier. Then he turned and looked at me with suspicion.
“It’s working perfectly fine,” he said accusingly.
I tried again but I still got the red light.
“It’s not working for you because you don’t have any magic. Non-magics don’t belong here. Leave.”
I looked around helplessly, trying to find Miss Chariot in the crowd. She was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, I was aware of another person at my side. Another boy had appeared, with short spikey blonde hair and dark eyes.
“You heard him,” he shouted, pushing me back. “Get out of here.”
“Hey!” someone yelled, jumping out of the crowd and placing themselves between me and the blonde. Yet another boy had appeared. He had brown hair and was chubbier than the other two. “Leave her alone. The machines malfunction sometimes.”
“Oh yeah. Did your daddy tell you that?” the blonde retorted, smirking.
“He did as a matter of fact,” the brunette stated proudly.
“Please,” the blonde scoffed. “Your dad’s barely more than a caretaker here. I doubt he knows a damned thing about the barriers.”
The brunette ignored him, turning to me and smiling down at me with his light brown eyes and dimpled cheeks.
“Come on,” he said cheerfully. “We’ll go get someone to open the barrier.”
“Wow, abusing the power of being the caretaker’s son for some random non-magic,” the blonde said snidely.
“You’re one to talk,” the brunette threw back at him. “At least I don’t behind mummy and daddy’s fortune and prestige.”
He removed a wand from his bag and readied it. Would this really escalate that far? Spotting the wand, the blonde laughed raucously and threw his bag to a girl stood behind him.
“I don’t want to be insulted by someone who still has to use a wand for his magic,” the blonde shouted.
So wands do make it easier, I thought, wishing I’d bought one now.
“At least I’m not just some idiot following every order Phoenix gives you,” the brunette said defensively.
The look on the blonde’s face grew into one of intense fury – I was certain that he would strike the brown haired one down right then, but someone seemed to have beaten him to it. The wand in the brown haired one’s hand caught fire and it spread all the way to his hand, burning him. He instantly dropped the wand. Everyone turned to look at the boy with the black hair.
“Stop it, Phoenix,” another boy said, stepping forwards. “Using your fire magic was taking it way too far.” I recognised him as the boy who’d helped me up when I’d dropped my books in the street.
“Get lost Leo,” the blonde said. “This has nothing to do with you.”
Then he flicked a hand in the direction of the brown haired one and he flew across the room. I shrieked. How had this escalated so quickly? Pushing through the crowd that had formed around me, I ran towards the boy. He groaned and pushed himself up.
“Are you ok?” I asked worriedly.
He nodded and let me help him up.
“Now why don’t you and that non-magic get out of here?” the girl who was still holding the blonde’s bag shouted.
“What on earth is going on?” Miss Chariot called out, finally swooping in to save the day. She walked straight over to me but looked at the crowd of students, awaiting an answer. When she didn’t get one from them, she turned to me. “What’s going on, Amethyst?”
I looked up at her blankly, my mind unable to string my thoughts together properly. I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, apart from one thing.
“The barriers won’t open for me,” I said shakily.
“What?” she said. “Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
She breathed in then huffed the breath out impatiently. Taking my hand, she led me over to the barriers, parting the crowd that had formed as she went. She placed my finger on the scanner again.
“Let magic flow through your fingers,” she commanded.
“How do I do that?” I asked.
As the lights blinked red again, she sighed impatiently, pulled my finger away and put her own in its place. The lights went green and she pushed me through the open barrier.
“There,” she declared. “We will sort the rest out later.”
The crowd became alive with whispers as people asked why I was getting special treatment and why Miss Chariot was personally escorting me. People were wondering if I was a security threat or a terrorist. There had been previous attacks by anti-magic establishment on institutions like the transporter network. It was no wonder security was so tight.
“Now, Phoenix, Gemini, Alex come with me,” Miss Chariot said to the blonde, the brunette and the other boy who’d gotten involved.
“No.”
My eyes shot up to look at the boy who had spoken. He had spoken back to someone with as much authority as Miss Chariot – who did he think he was? But he wasn’t even looking at her; he was looking at me. As soon as I looked up my eyes were locked into his gaze, and I couldn’t look away. His skin was pale, probably as pale as mine, and contrasted perfectly with his night black hair that stopped just short of his shoulders and partially obscured his eyes. But it was his eyes that had me captivated. They were light blue, ice blue, and I was trapped in his ice cold gaze.
“Who are you?” he asked, catching me off guard.
“Did no one ever tell you that you should give your name before asking for someone else’s?” I said, grinning at him.
“Show some respect,” the blonde said.
“Why should I?” I scowled at him. “You don’t seem to show anyone else any.”
I could feel my cheeks burning up and I was sure that I was turning bright red. Everyone was looking at me, which I was certain wasn’t a good thing, and as I spoke I was aware of the looks they were giving me. They were obviously not entirely pleased with what I was saying and some of them even seemed to be becoming slightly hostile.
“That’s Phoenix Parker you’re speaking to,” some dumb blonde girl in the crowd shouted at me. “He’s way above you in social stature.”
“And he asked for your name,” the blonde boy mocked.
“You talk like he’s some sort of king,” I said. I curtseyed sarcastically. “I am humbled your highness. My name is Amethyst Night.”
“Amethyst Night?” There was a look of shock in those icy eyes at that. “Is that some kind of sick joke?”
I frowned. Around me people were whispering again.
“I think I’ve heard of the Night family.”
“Who are they?”
“Aren’t they a noble family?”
“My mum once told me not to ask about the Night Family.”
What was going on? At least I wasn’t the only confused one. Most people seemed to have heard the name but couldn’t place it and the only one that could, Phoenix Parker, was looking at me like a ghost. How did he know something if the others didn’t? What did he know? Why was he so shocked? Was it because I’d gone into hiding? Did he think I was still meant to be in hiding? So many questions again.
“No,” Miss Chariot said. “You are before a member of the Night household. Perhaps it should be you showing some respect.”
I looked around, searching for some answer as to what was going on in the faces of the crowd but I got nothing. People looked confused, angry even but, mostly, they just looked scared. Then my eyes met his again, hostility suddenly forming in his gaze.
“Now Phoenix,” Miss Chariot continued. “A word please.”
His gaze lingered on me for a second before he left with her and the blonde boy, Gemini. The brunette followed them, patting me gently on the shoulder as he went past. At least I’d made one friend.
Left alone in the station, I looked around for some clue as to where I was supposed to go next. Everything was so overwhelming. Someone sidled up beside me and I turned to look at them.
“Hi,” the blonde boy, Leo, said, smiling. “You have no idea what’s going on here, do you?”
I nodded shamefully. He chuckled and guided me through the crowds towards a girl who was waiting for him. She had strawberry blonde hair and pale blue eyes and her smile lit up her face. She greeted me cheerfully as we walked up to her.
“What was all that about?” she asked Leo.
“Phoenix and Gemini were bullying the new kid,” he said jokingly.
I chuckled awkwardly.
“Where’s Alex?” the girl asked.
“He had to go with Miss Chariot,” Leo said. “This is Amethyst Night. She’s new.”
“Oh, I’m Rune. It’s nice to meet you.” She offered me her hand and, when I took it, shook mine effervescently.
She led the way through the station to where the transporters were. As we walked I took the opportunity to talk to Leo. He seemed kind and I thought that he might be able to give some answers to some of my questions.
“Why did that guy react like that to my name?” I asked.
“Well, I haven’t heard much about the Night family but I do know that the people at the top are trying to make sure that the general public don’t find out too much about them,” he explained. “They’re a noble family, I think. I know of Gabriel Night.”
“Gabriel Night?” I repeated.
Could he be my father?
“Yeah,” Leo continued. “He’s one of the most wanted men in the magic kingdom. I don’t know exactly what he did, but I know that he’s hated. Sorry.”
I shook my head, trying not to show him how distraught I was.
“It’s not your fault,” I said.
Then I saw what I assumed were the transporters as we turned a corner. They were large, chrome pillars with a thin layer of some sort of strange liquid stretched between them. Slowly, the crowd formed lines in front of each transporter. I looked at Leo nervously and he gave me a reassuring smile. As we moved closer and closer to the transporters I wondered where they’d lead. I’d seen pictures of Nightingale campus on TV, but they were only eagle eye views or pictures of the main building, which looked like a miniature town hall. Now, I was stood behind Leo, watching him walk into the liquid and disappear. I waited. Then, when the light went green to signal for the next person to go through, I took a deep breath and stepped through.
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Absolutely lovely dearie. I'm really enjoying this story. Im however having to re-read it as I haven't read it in a few years.
Nice chapter there!


I really like how this is going. I wasn't expecting Amethyst to have that much attention however, but wow! What a blazing entrance to the magic world.
I also think you've improved your writting since chapter one (less repetition I think), no typos detected, and smooth explanations about the enviroment and such.
As for the story, it still flows a bit quickly, but things are getting more and more interesting, and that's definitly a good thing
On top of that, barefootrunner and HomeschooledTeen are right: this does seem extremly similar to Harry Potter. I can almost see a mean teacher that'll bully her around all the time for the next chapters now, and I hope you'll manage to get something more unique. Maybe develop the relashionship between the magic and non-magic folk (something that Harry Potter didn't really did).
Your current style is very enjoyable, so I'll believe you'll find a way. Have faith and keep on writting
~Shell Master Tortwag~
Thanks. ^-^
Hi there and once again, happy review day! Let's jump straight into another review on your work!
Okay, so my first thought was that this is exactly the same as Harry Potter, only with a girl. You have a prologue with a baby changing hands, then a revelation by a recruiter, a school of witches and wizards, then a train station, and finally, a "you're famous" moment. You even have small details such as the similarities to his parents and having a criminal relative. You really need to make this story your own and not a rehashing of a different writer's work!
To remedy it, I want you to stop that train and use a different mode of transport. I want you to take elements that are similar and change them into something your own. Perhaps change the recruitment procedure. Tweak stuff to be more original and belong to you, not JK Rowling.
Also, I got just a tad bit confused between the brown-haired and blond boys when they were fighting, and I didn't know who was saying what or doing what. When you gave them names, I got even more confused. Phoenix wasn't fighting too, and neither was Leo, as far as I could tell. If, at the start, when they were yelling at each other, you could have given them names already, it would help clear up who was doing what. Some of the dialogue and action were also slightly unrealistic, for example Ms Chariot only saying "That's enough," when a boy was burning up another's hand! And you didn't show any further reaction to the pain! Burn wounds make you want to scream and find water as quickly as possible. So keep it real! Also, Ms Chariot doesn't even blink when the boy refuses to obey her. She should be white with fury and threatening to expel him!
Other than that, good job!
Just keep writing!
barefootrunner
As I said before, this chapter sounds half done. But good job though!
~Maria Rowlands
Yey! An update! A new chapter! Whatever you wish to call it.
Wonderful as usual.
Just a few things that I want to mention, because after all this is a review.
1)3 then followed the threes along
You go from the actual number, to the word of the number, then back to the number again. Now, when you are referring to the platforms (1N, 2N, ect.) that's fine, but otherwise you need to be consistent in how you refer to the numbers.
2)Iall ready knew that.
Just forgot a space between words here. (I think this is the only grammar error that I spotted, and if you are anything like me it happened because the computer couldn't keep up with your typing.
3) I looked around, searching for some answer as to what was going on in the faces of the crowd.
Here I just think you should write a line or to describing exactly what she saw on the faces of the crowd.
I loved this next installment of the story, although I do agree with PatrickGibb in the sense that I am getting a very Harry Potterish vibe to this story. When I read the train scene I was like, "Don't let him tell her there's no such thing, don't have her go through a secret passage."
But you deviated from that quite nicely, and I got less 'Harry Potter' and more 'Nightingale Academy'. Just watch that, because truthfully I don't want this to be to similar to Harry. That would take away so much from your story. It has a lot of differences, yes, but it also has similarities. Take care that the similarities don't overwhelm the differences.
Well, that's all for now! Until next time.
Happy Writing!
HT
Thankyou again for the review. I agree with everything you said and admit that I do have trouble with the Harry Potter thing. I hope that as you get to read more of the story you'll see less and less of Harry Potter in it. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story.
Okay, just read this one as well.
The thing that I must say is that the expanding mystery of the equally expanding family tree is a very nice touch, and at the moment, is holding me in interest. Not to mention the introduction of other characters, who I'm still wondering about.
However, with the wands and the train to school (As well as the stuff I mentioned in the review of your first chapter) I have to say that this is getting perilously similar to Harry Potter. And as a reader, I'm guessing Nightingale Academy will be a castle as well.
Again with the names though, I'm hoping that the history of you're characters will tell me why some of them are named interestingly, like 'Pheonix', while other others are strangely tame, like 'Leo'.
I can't stress to you enough though at how great you're style of writing is, with a couple of flaws, but the description is not over- or under-described, it is perfect.