dear you.
it has been
one month.
one month
and sixteen days
and three hours
and seventeen minutes
and some odd amount of seconds
since you left me
you left me
left me alone in a sorry world full of sorry strangers with sorry words they say to me
sorry
isnt it funny how words lose their meaning when you say them too many times?
sorry
sorry
sorry
it means nothing anymore
just a phrase said too many times
like your name
your name that i've written out so many times
trying to figure out
exactly what i want to-
say to you?
no
tell you?
i can't
say about you?
...maybe that works...
what i want to say about you.
it’s a meaningless word i’ve scribbled out over and over and over
in a black tornado of a page
sorry.
i tried
i did
its not working
and i miss you
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,089 Literary Works • 672,997 Reviews
Hey, this poem hits me in a weak spot, especially today, because I'm sick of hearing sorry from the one who I love at the moment. But anyways, I love the structure of this poem, it kind of reminded me of how the author Ellen Hopkins writes, and she is one of my favorite authors. You make me feel those days, hours, and minutes of longing, and how you are a point of not knowing what to say. Loved this poem
Hey!
I love the meaning behind the poem and how I can really feel your emotion through it. I like that you crossed out lines in your poem as it conveyed the internal battle of struggling with what to say to this person that you miss. I am curious with the set-up/shape of your poem...is there a purpose of the shape? Like what was your intention behind it? When you said, [quote] left me alone in a sorry world full of sorry strangers with sorry words they say to me [quote/], it sounds weird that you repeat the word sorry. I understand you are emphasizing how the word sorry loses its meaning, but it seems a little too repetitive. I would suggest in the beginning of the poem adding punctuation to the part where you say, [quote] since you left me you left me [quote/]. Adding the punctuation makes a dramatic effect of showing how your world stopped when he left you. The punctuation serves as a stopping point resembling your life stopping. The stop at the sentence also lets the reader really absorb the emotion and impact of him leaving you. Overall this poem was awesome! Not much to critique.
Very nice poem depicting the true feelings of someone who cares but doesn't know how or when to say it. I love the creativity of where the words are scattered and some are crossed out, it gives the sense of confusion in the narrator's voice.
The only things that throws up a flag for me is that you refer to the person's name and the word "sorry" as a phrase and in the beginning where you repeat "and _____ and ______" you could leave out the and's on the minutes and seconds. Also what is the word you want to say about them? The one you've scribbled out. Could it be love or sorry? What are you sorry for, why are you sorry?
(quote/)it means nothing anymore
just a phrase said too many times
like your name
your name that i've written out so many times(quote/)
With this stanza, I think you should change some words up. Change phrase to word. Put an adjective in front of your adjective name.
(quote/)dear you.
it has been
one month.
one month
and sixteen days
and three hours
and seventeen minutes
and some odd amount of seconds(quote)
In this paragraph why did you say one month twice and not everything else twice? I do like how you make this stanza sound dramatic.
(quote/)in a black tornado of a page(quote/)
I love this quote and it created a visual. You can even go further with this quote.
This was a great poem overall! Good job
I absolutely love this poem. It's a really relatable topic. I can feel the vulnerability, the sadness, and the desperation in the poem. I love the [quote] it has been
one month.
one month
and sixteen days
and three hours
and seventeen minutes
and some odd amount of seconds [quote/] it shows how pained you are without actually saying it. Also, the quote [quote] it’s a meaningless word i’ve scribbled out over and over and over
in a black tornado of a page [quote/] gives me a great picture in my mind.
Hey Red here!
I am looking forward to writing you a review.
Okay first of all I love the concept and idea behind your poem. Honestly it is something I know I can relate with and that i have done myself.
Somethings I would think about is that some of your lines could be shortened down, or like broken up. For example:
Here I believe that the lines could be broken up to put more emphasis on the message you are trying to portray. For example you could make it like this... ( Note this is something to just look at and you don't really have to do it.
left me alone in a sorry world
full of sorry strangers
with sorry words they say to me
sorry
isnt it funny how words lose their meaning
when you say them too many times?
To me, it might sound better this way. Also some small small things just to keep in mind, is grammar. Trust me I hate it and it is never fun when people talk about it ( At least for me)
But just remember to add your little... currently can't think of the word for it.... the
' this thing '
Yeah having a blonde moment I apologize
you need to put it in the word Isn't in the beginning of the poem, Plus don't forget to capitalize your I's and maybe you could add a few commas into your poem to help it flow.
for example like here:
Buy adding a comma you help break up the phrases.
Anyway hope this helps you and keep up the amazing writing. Can't wait to read more of your writing!!!!!!!!!!!!
~ RedHoodWriter
I really like this poem and it is really relatable to a lot of people. I really like the style and how you crossed things out because it is really realistic and looks like a diary of some sort. It shows the process of the poem.
This is my favorite part because i like how you related the sorry phrase to saying their name over and over. This poem is really unique and there is not really anything I would change about it because if you change it it would become too cliche.
This is honestly one of the best poems I have read!
Hey AmeliaDay,
Lopez18 here for a review
Let me start off by saying that this poem was very touching and deep. I love how you describe the word sorry as being a meaningless word that is said too often. How once you lose someone you realize it's too late to say sorry
I like how you started off the poem by stating how much time it has been since they left. Although, I think that repeating the word "and" in every line makes it look like you're repeating yourself. I think that just by taking out the word "and" the lines will sound a lot better and smoother.
Other than that this was a wonderful poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!
Hi!
is very easy to relate to because once something is said so many times it starts to lost the importance of it.I LOVE the format of your poem. It shows the struggle of these words being said on paper.
The
This poem shows the hurt and somewhat anger that she is feeling as she misses this person.
I honestly don't have anything negative to say about this poem I really like it.
I love the ending and how you just end it with this adds a deep ending to the poem leaving the reader feeling sad for the writer.
Really good job!
Hello, Minty here
because I can see this in my mind, and I just love the word choiceI love this poem so much, and I feel like this is relatable to everyone. Everone has had someone leave them, and having things to say but it is too late.
My favorite quote is
I also love the text formatting, because it shows the back and forth of the speaker's mind, and the anger and confusion.
I liked the crossing out of the words at the beginning, then when you did it again, it seemed really overdone and cheesy. So, maybe cut back on that
Overall I really liked your poem, and the theme. Keep writing more, I loved this
Hi Amelia! I'm DollyDee and I'm here to review your piece!
The feel of this poem was very jagged and hurt and I think the writing was so beautiful! It was a completely different take than what many writers do, and I enjoyed it!
I liked how this opened up the poem, because it immediately pulled the reader in to find out what this countdown was for. I don't know if you left the number of seconds vague on purpose, but it was a bit of shift going from exact numbers to "some odd seconds", so maybe add a numeral.
I like how you started using the word 'sorry' multiple times because it emphasizes one of the later sentences above that talks about words used too many times losing meaning. It shows the proof behind your words and helps the reader understand your thinking better.
I really liked how you crossed out these words in your poem. It showed a messy process of recovering and moving on and staying right where you are emotionally. It was very fitting for this piece and the perfect touch to give the reader a good visual representation of your thinking!
Overall this piece was really different, and I liked it! It stayed very on topic and had many moments of brutal honesty, which is something that always captures the reader. Great job!
DollyDee x