Alesso
I glance in the cracked mirror in the front hallway. The only illumination comes from the dirty window across from it. My eyes reflect back into it, but the rest of me is mostly hidden in the dark. I try not to stare too hard.
"My Lesso," Mum coos, coming up behind me and brushing hair from my face. It is too long, but we cannot afford a haircut, not even for my Judgment Day. It's not like it matters; I won't be going anywhere, contrary to what everyone thinks.
"Mum."
"You look fine, love. Wish we could've gotten you a haircut, but we just can't afford that right now. I think you can make Fredrick easily."
"Just Fredrick?" I kiss her cheek.
"You could make York just as easily. Just remember your mom when you're rich, Gatsby. And look out for your cousin."
Let me explain something. My mother is obsessed with 'The Great Gatsby'. She wanted to name me James, after the main character, but that would be redundant since that's our last name. Instead she nicknamed me Gatsby, and that's what everyone calls me. I read the book... and it did not end well for Gatsby.
"Yes, Ma."
"Good. Now be off, Gatsby, and remember, the Classed don't run!"
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I know the Sinclaire girls are talking about me. I can see them glance over. They, of course, look perfect, with their white outfits and 'S' pins, and they look disgusted to be on the same bus with Slum, the nobodies, when clearly, based on the glances they get, they are somebodies.
The one girl's got short, pale hair and brown eyes. Her laughter attracts everyone's attention. I don't think I've ever seen a Sinclaire laughing like this girl in public.
The other girl is more poised than the laughing girl. She looks... embarrassed for her friend, and she refused to look at me, while her friend stares. The poised girl is much more beautiful than the laughing girl, sure to be Sinclaire again.
Her golden hair is wavy and perfect. I think it's natural, but I don't really know. Her eyes are lined with thick coppery lashes, and a fine dusting of freckles cover her cheeks.
The laughing girl has more personality.
Mav elbows me in the ribs, "Sinclaires?"
I nod slightly, trying not to look at the girls.
Mav grins, glancing back at them. The girls barely spare him a glance. However, he's my best friend and cousin, but he's practically a brother to me.
"Look 'a them. That one's a beauty."He's clearly talking about the blue eyed girl, the one with the freckles. "Damn. Now she's a Sinclaire. Other's probably Sinclaire too, maybe high Vanderbilt."
"Yeah, she's cute," I say absently, still trying not to stare.
"Cute? Gatsby, what's wrong with your head? She is fine!"
"She's a Sinclaire."
"So? You could be too."
"Yeah, right."
He shrugs, lifting one shoulder. "Make a nice story, wouldn't it? Slum to Sinclaire."
"I suppose."
Maverick rolls his eyes and looks back to the blue eyed girl, shaking his head. "I'd sin with that Sinclaire."
"Mav!" I reprimand, appalled.
"What? I'm kidding. I don't disrespect women."
I don't look back at the Sinclaires again the entire ride to Town Hall.
End of chapter
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140,098 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hello there! I'm back to review another chapter of this great story!
Keep writing! PM me when you post the next chapter please! 
This is quite interesting, reading two different POV's on the same scene! I love writings like that.
Right off the bat, you point out this Alesso guy is someone totally different from the Sinclaires by saying he glanced at himself in the "cracked" mirror. A cracked mirror says "Slum" all over it. The way you described his home shows the readers he is not from Katarine's Sinclaire class like you previously said in the last chapter. This is a whole new POV, from a whole new setting, and it's good you are showing the readers two different sides of this great world you've made up.
Is Gatsby some kind of genius guy born from the Slums? Because everyone keeps saying he will move up from the Slums to another higher class, though he himself doesn't think so. I can't wait to see what will happen to Katarine and Gatsby. Some part of me is saying the two of them will either end up in the same class, or they switch classes. I don't know, and that's why this is good, because you keep the readers on their toes!
Now, there ARE a few things I have to correct you on, but it's only for the good of the story to make it even better for future readers. I'm sure you already read the below reviewers, so I won't correct you on that run on sentence and everything else they said down there. You don't need to be told twice.
~One thing is this:
"Mav grins, glancing back at them. The girls barely spare him a glance. However, he's my best friend and cousin, but he's practically a brother to me."
I feel like the third sentence is kind of thrust into there when it doesn't really go together with the other two sentences. One minute Mav is looking at the girls, in turn the girls aren't looking at him, and then all of the sudden Gatsby is talking about how Mav is like a brother to him. I don't know, maybe you should have a whole new paragraph earlier in the chapter where he talks about Mav a little bit more, saying he is a brotherly-figure, maybe talking about his appearance compared to Gatsby.
~Second:
"He's clearly talking about the blue eyed girl, the one with the freckles."
I don't remember Gatsby saying anything about a blue eyed girl. I know he's talking about Katarine, but you never said that in his description of her. You said perfect wavy golden hair, thick coppery lashes, and freckles. To another reader, they might have not known who you were talking about the first time. Maybe you can add in the blue eyed part in that paragraph of her description, so other readers won't get kind of confused.
~Lastly:
These two POV's sound the same. They're still REALLY good, but Katarine and Gatsby both think the same way, and two different characters who grew up in two different environments should think in different ways. I recently just learned this myself, and the person who told me this said it would make your story and your characters seem more real, with different personalities.
For example, Katarine grew up in high class, with lots of money, and she is very professional. To be honest, you did pretty well with her, making her think like a lady and all (like a Sinclaire would). She described her class in a slightly proud way, just like a Sinclaire would.
Gatsby, though, is from the Slums. He grew up in poor conditions, and someone who grows up like that should be a tough person, with a tendency to save every last penny or bite of food or anything that could still be useful since saving up should be a habit for people like him. This is still good though.
I actually don't know how to explain this well, hahah, sorry. But you get what I mean, right? They are both two different characters who should think a little bit differently.
Check out this link: Is it okay to switch POV's?
-That's where I asked on the forum about two different POV's, like in your situation. Read all of the replies. Especially the last one. I hope then you'll understand what I can't really explain. Sorry about that.
Other than that, I LOVE this story! I can't wait for the next one!
~R
Hi there!
I think this is a great chapter, especially since you're still at the beginning of your novel. It's always important to start developing your characters as early as possible and I think it's cool that we get inside the head of this boy Alesso. It's a contrast. The first chapter, we got to see Katarine and how her life is as a Sinclaire. Now we get to see Alesso and how his life is as a slum. The contrasting views on life not only develop your characters, but it also gives us more insight into this world you've created. I love it.
So even though this chapter is in basically the same form as the last chapter, I think it advances the story well. Chronologically, nothing has changed, but with the introduction of Alesso, the story has advanced. Now we the readers have something/someone else to think about. This keeps us involved and interested, itching to read the next chapter.
Alright, onto the structure bit of the review.
I know that this is his mother's dialogue, but it's a bit repetitive. Alesso has just finished explaining that they didn't have enough money for a haircut and then his mother says exactly the same thing. I'd suggest letting one character explain this instead of two of them. Of course, Alesso had no way of knowing that his mother was going to say the same thing so it may not bother him, but it may bother the readers a bit.
I think the Gatsby thing is so cute. I really do
I'm not sure if this is technically a run on or not, but I do feel like it's a bit too long to be a single sentence. If you break after "and 'S' pins", that should make this part flow a lot better. So it would be written like this: "They, of course, look perfect, with their white outfits and 'S' pins. They look disgusted to be on the same bus with Slum, the nobodies, when clearly, based on the glances they get, they are somebodies." That sounds a bit better, doesn't it?
So, Mav basically comes out of nowhere. It's like Alesso is on the bus and then *poof* Mav appears. Maybe you could describe one of them getting on the bus? Or at the beginning of the bus scene say something like, "I know the Sinclaire girls are staring at me.I can see them glance over here where Mav and I are sitting." If you say something like that, Mav is already in place and mentioning him later won't come at as much of a surprise.
Just a tiny nitpick here.
Overall I really enjoyed this chapter. Alesso seems like a real interesting character and I can't wait to find out more about him.
Let me know when the next chapter is up! I'm so into this story
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hi again!
Sorry this review is a little late. After reading the chapter, I had to go do something. Now I'm back.
I liked this chapter, even if it was kind of short. I liked the interaction between Alesso and Maverick. I thought it was pretty cool to see both sides of the story, the Sinclaires and the Slums. They're called Slums right? Is that the lowest class? I just love the names you came up with, both the classes and the people's names. Especially Alesso.
Now to the review. I didn't find much wrong with this chapter, so that's another plus. Here's what I found:
~ This is a run-on sentence. If you read this out loud, you would be gasping for breath. It's super long! This could probably be shortened into two or three sentences. Here's one way...
They, of course, looked perfect with their white outfits and 'S' pins. They all looked disgusted to be on the same bus with Slum, the nobodies, when they clearly are somebodies.
There's plenty of ways to change it so that the reader isn't begging for a break. You can change it to the one above, or change it to something completely different. Whatever you want.
~ I think this sentence would sound better if you changes it to something like, 'One of the Sinclaire girls had short, pale hair and brown eyes.'
Sounds a little better, don't you think?
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~ This isn't really a critique, more of a question. So, Maverick is her best friend, cousin, and brotherly-like figure to her? I found that a little strange. He's her cousin; isn't that enough? Feel free to correct me if I'm totally off track! Haha.
Overall, I really like your story. It interests me a lot. I wish your chapters would be a little longer, but that's okay. Please let me know when you post more!
Your till the chocolate chips,
InfiniteSnowfall
Alesso is a boy, just saying, haha. He's the boy Katarine and Ara were looking at in chapter one. Thank you for your review! I'll be sure to go back and fix that.
Oh... I feel dumb now. I'm sorry. Alesso could go both ways, so I just assumed. I've been imagining a girl this whole time. That's gonna take some getting used to. :p