I want to hold you tight
keep you safe at night
But when the stars start to fall
when the heavens start to crawl
know I will be there for you
because I know you will be there for me
Goodnight my friend
I love you.
-your best friend, Asriel.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
Hello! I love expressing my love for friends through words. You portray that well, I can tell you feel a deep connection to your friend and love them very much. its so good to have a friend like that in your life and I am glad you have one. The poem is well written, it is short but sweet. Despite its length it still gets the overall idea across. Keep at it.
Hi hi~! Welcome to YWS !
First off, I really love how this short poem is straight to the point and yet has so much meaning that it's open to interpretation to the reader. I love how this poem is directed to your best friend and it's really like an open letter for them to read and enjoy. And that while other readers can interpret this however they like, what's really important is how your best friend understands this and interprets it. I don't know how to fully describe this but it's like, while everyone can see it, only the two of you know the full meaning and can truly, deeply understand the piece.
I really enjoyed reading your poem and it somewhat inspires me to make such short pieces that is open to loved ones and the message truly gets to the point.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read something so good! Enjoy your time here <33
Hi Asriel
to begin, I assume that this was written to your best friend. I like short poetry, because it often conveys the strongest feelings in the shortest amount of words. To start, you talk about how you want to hold this person tight and keep them safe. Right away I noticed that you were using a rhyme scheme, where you rhyme tight with night. Then fall with crawl. But then you break this rhyme scheme in the last of the poem, which sort of caught me off guard. I did like what you did, though with the "you and me "being the words to end those sentences.
This is really sweet! In my opinion, this is a poem, telling your friend how you wish you could be there to help them and how much you trust them and know that they would be there for you too. It seems like you're separated somehow, but you still have a really strong bond which is really valuable to you. I like this verse where you use "heaven start to crawl" which made me really think. In my opinion, this means when things start to get out of control or unpredictable in your life.
I like how your formatting was simple, and it was well organized. It was really easy for me to follow along with this. Overall, this was a great poem, and I enjoyed reading it a lot! Keep writing, and have a great day.
Your friend,
Ellie
Thanks. I don't really know what else to say. It's not that I've been seperated from my friend, but I do feel as if I don't see them enough. They are precious to me, and I want to keep them safe all the time. But they are their own person, with their own life. I can't truly keep them from being hurt. Hell, I know I can't truly keep them alive. But I try anyways. This poem is just an expression of how I feel, I feel scared that one day my friend will decide that this world isn't worth living in. Without them, this world isn't worth living in. Sorry about the emotional rant.
Hi there!
For starters, this is a cute little poem. It's light and sweet. There are a few things I can point out that might need adjusting, but other than that, it's made well and it's really nice.
It's short, like a little note. I like that. This feels like something you'd jot down on a post-it note with a cute drawing and then slap onto your best friends locker. The only thing I'd change is the third line.
"But when the stars start to fall"
I feel like the "But" isn't needed, since it feels like it guides towards more of a negative aspect, but I think the stanza still needs something there. My recommendation would be to change the "But" to "And" but that's up to you, it's still just as beautiful with the word there.
Other than that, this is such a sweet little piece. It's adorable and I love this!
Welcome to YWS!
~Taost<3
Hello! AnotherCrowInRow (or simply Kay) is here with a quick review of your poem
So, let's get straight to the point! I like the topic you chose - I feel like I don't come across enough poetry about friendships, so yours was a refreshing change on a topic I always like to see in literary works. That's great.
I didn't catch any grammatical errors or spelling problems, so we can leave this part of the review as is
.
And now to the work itself! From these verses you can really feel what you want to say and that you care about your friend. It's a short work, but I liked it. The tempo and rhyme were pretty good at the beginning of the poem, but it didn't change to more personal words towards the end, which fits this poem quite well, so it can stay that way.
Maybe I would recommend making the poem a little longer? But that's just my personal preference for longer works, so feel free to leave your poem as is.
Good job and welcome in YWS! I hope you will enjoy your time here
Have a nice rest of day/night/whatever is in your timezone and stay safe!
- Kay
Im probably gonna review this later! ^^