This world is not yours to rule
nor is it mine
yet you believe you serve a higher purpose
you believe you are doing the right thing.
All you're doing is hurting my friends.
why do you think this is okay?
the amount of people you've hurt
the amount of people who you've killed
you claim we have an agenda
you project.
you hunt demons
yet you never thought to look inwards.
congratulations, you did it.
you won the country
you've made your plans clear, and you're not going back.
so I won't back off
I won't stop talking
I won't let you kill my friends
I won't let you take them away from me.
I will speak out against every injustice I see.
But you don't care
because to you, my friends are inferior
to you, I am misguided
to you, it is not a crime to kill us
it is not morally wrong to you
explain it to me
explain to me how you believe that the LGBTQ community is evil
when they have only tried to get their rights
Lesbian
Gay
Bisexual
Trans
Queer
and many more.
Human.
Every day I live in fear
I fear for my friends
I have nightmares that someone will hurt them
kill them
torture them
abuse them
and who do you think is responsible for that?
you tell me I'm overreacting.
I tell you to open your eyes
see the harm you are causing.
I can't force you.
you want to hurt my friends
you want to kill my friends
you want them dead
dead
dead
dead
you will take them from me, one by one.
you are going to kill everyone.
so I have one last question to ask you
Do you think that even the worst person can change?
That anyone can be a good person if they really try?
Here's a better one.
Do you want to have a bad time?
because if you continue on the path you're going, you're REALLY not gonna like what happens next.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Hey there! Plume here, with a review! And a belated welcome to YWS!
Wow, what a powerful poem! And quite relevant to the times, too. I think your message comes through very well in this poem. The way you've used enjambment helps to convey that anger the speaker feels. The questions they ask throughout also contribute to that feeling of anger, and also help call attention to the hypocrisy that is often exhibited by anti-LGBTQ individuals.
One thing that I would say is that this poem feels quite rant-y. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, per se, especially if this poem was a way to channel feelings (which poetry is generally very great at!). However, if you wanted to elevate it past just an expression of feelings, I think imagery would be a great way to keep the angry tone of the poem while making it even more hard-hitting. Metaphors are also a great way to add some understated professional nuance as well.
Another thing about rant-y poems is that they tend to circle back on themselves and cause redundancies, which I think happens here a bit. The poem is slightly long-winded, and reading it over to eliminate some lines that just repeat what you had said previously can be a good way to prune it down to make it even more effective.
Specifics
This bit was a bit unclear to me; it seemed like the speaker was included in the "we," which felt incongruent to the rest of the poem. If you meant it as something the "you" in the poem was saying, I would put "we have an agenda" in quotes.
This line was super powerful! I think this might have been my favorite part of the poem.
Overall: nice work! Thank you for sharing this poem with YWS; it has a powerful message that shines through each line. I hope to read more of your work soon; until next time!
okay first off, I LOVE THE UNDERTALE REFERENCE IN THE LAST LINE. OH MY GOD PERFECTION. this poem is also really powerful in a lot of ways. well done!
the repetition in almost every line is really neat, it adds to the punch of the overall message about oppression. I could honestly see parts of this poem be used as like, a chant by a protest group. really good work.
"you hunt demons / yet you never thought to look inward." IS SO YUMMY. i love that line a lot, most people that look down on others for being "wrong" are usually the wrong ones themselves. lovely writing.
it would be really neat if you added a line about the "spear of justice", to tie it in with the title of the poem. that would be SO COOL.
overall, very nice poem. +1000 points for the sans reference that was so cool. keep it up, I wanna read more
love, ash
Spear of Justice is actually the title of the song that plays when you fight Undyne in the pacifist or neutral routes.
that makes this so much cooler. i love the undertale soundtrack so much
Playing the pacifist or neutral pathways will cause the song "Spears of Justice" to play whenever you engage Undyne in combat.
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/fnf modsAmbrose1234/Spear-of-Justice-159579