Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
i still remember
the first time I admitted my love to you
I was in a dark place
you were there for me
I told you that you are a sibling to me
and when you responded
you told me that I am a brother to you
and it felt good
to know that I had someone who could look out for me
to know that I had someone to look out for
when you couldnt be with me, you gave me one of your stuffed animals
when I planned to kill myself
you said if you failed to stop me, it would be the last thing that you do
you care about me
you want me around
you dont want me to be dead
youre the first person who Ive loved like this
I want you in my life
i want us to be like this, where we can be together
not all the time
its nice to know that youre nearby
cause with you I finally have a shoulder to cry on
i finally have someone to cuddle with
to hug
to share my thoughts with
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
Hello! Valkyria here to leave a short review on your work. I noticed that this has been in the Green Room for a while, so let's get it out.
This was an amazing poem about a friendship that transcends time. I found it so sweet reading all the moments between the narrator and their friend. It felt so personal, but it touched me deeply.
I interpreted these lines as a romantic confession, so it was interesting to see it go towards the platonic route. But, I think that's just as important as any romantic love. So many lines show how beautiful and deep their friendship is.
Keep an eye on the grammar consistency. There's many lines that aren't capitalized, but there are some "I"s that are. Since the uncapitalized letters seem to be intentional, make sure that's consistent throughout the poem.
Overall, this was a very sweet poem. Well done!
Hi there Ambrose! Niteowl here to leave a quick review on this poem. Sorry it's been sitting in the Green Room so long!
Overall, I think this is a sweet poem about the devotion of friendship. I think everyone wants that sort of love and acceptance.
When I read this the first time, I thought it was going to be a confession of romantic love and this was going to be an unrequited love for a friend poem. So I like that you subverted this expectation by making this a deep sibling-like platonic bond instead.
I like the imagery in these lines. I would have liked to see a bit more specific examples like this through the rest of the poem.
Grammar-I noticed that you mostly chose to write without capitalization and minimal punctuation. This works for the most part, but there's some capital I's randomly scattered throughout. Not sure if that was intentional or just autocorrect being "helpful." Personally, I write in my phone or Google Docs a lot, and it's great, except for when it decides
Every new line
Must start with
A capital letter.
(see what I did there?
Overall, I found this to be a lovely ode to a devoted friend. Keep writing!
Love how this is more of a sweet note than a rhyming poem. Something different and unique compared to your typical poem. Love it!!