Chapter 1
Chapter 1
So I had changed my mind. I wasn’t going to stay here with mom, dad, and Tierra, but I did stay for the summer, and now it was time to go home. Don’t get me wrong, I miss all my friends, even though Daniella is away in Asia studying abroad and Kassi went on a long search for herself around the world. I didn’t get that one though. But we still talk all the time. I was looking forward to going back to ECOT (Educated Class Of Tomorrow wink-wink I changed it) to see all my friends.
Anyways, I was packing and gathering up all of my belongings when Tierra came into the room with an unhappy look on her face.
“Sissy!” She whined. “Do you really have to go?”
“You do realize that your fall, spring, winter, and summer break, you can stay with me right?” That cheered her up.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I had finally arrived at my destination, my apartment. It felt so good to be home. I walked up the stairs, and inserted the key. I was about to turn the nob when a twinge of pain went clear through my side. My gunshot wound still hadn’t healed after all this time.
Thinking back to that night, when Matt had almost joined a gang and they wanted him to prove his loyalty by shooting one of the opposing gang members. He accidentally shot me. Thank goodness, he didn’t join them. I wonder how he’s-
Nicki Minaj’s Stupid-Stupid rang on my cell. I reached into my back jeans pocket to take out my anime designed and be-dazzled phone.
Speak of the devil.
A: It Mari Here
M: Hey Mar, it’s Matt, how are ya’?
A: I’m great actually, just got home, getting bags out the car.
M: I know.
A: Huh
M: Come Outside
Click
I opened the door, set my bags down, and ran downstairs to greet Matt. I gave him a hug, but I when I stepped back to examine him, I was surprised.
“MATT!! What happened to your curls?” I asked in complete shock.
“Ashlyn made me straighten them.” He replied, even blushing a little.
“Awww, but I loved your curls!” He swatted my hand away when I started playing with them.
“Can we just go inside?” He said trying to bring the attention off himself. We grabbed the rest of the bags and headed back upstairs.
Once inside, I closed the door, and he sat down. I walked into the kitchen and checked the fridge, making a mental note to go to the grocery store, because all that was in there was lemonade. I grabbed two cups from the cupboard, and set them on the sink.
“So how’s Kate-Bear?” I came up with the nickname for her when we were dealing with the whole Kassi and Sean drama.
“She had her first modeling job yesterday, so she’s still in Beijing, but she’ll be here by the time school starts.” He replied and I continued pouring the lemonade and listened.
“I started talking to Maci again by the way.” I stopped and raised an eyebrow, bringing the glasses to the table and sitting down.
“Oh…” It was more questioning than a statement, “and how’s she doing?” I asked not really wanting an answer. We were friends but we didn’t really talk much before, just a hi-hey-nice weather- type friendship.
“She’s beautiful. From her eyes, to her lips, everywhere, even her-“ I intervened.
"Yeah, okay, thanks." I rolled my eyes and we sat for a moment.
“I’ll be right back.” He went into the bathroom.
“Mhmm.” I murmured. Then my phone rang again.
XXX
A: Yellow!
T: Hey Amari, it’s Travis.
Oh the cute boy from the mall, I thought to myself.
A: Heyy!
T: Hey, you get home safely?
A: Yeah, it feels good to be back in Columbus.
T: Wait…you're in Columbus?
A: Yeah…why?
T: That’s where I live!”
Matt came out and gave me a questioning look, but I just told him to “Shh”.
A: What?!?! You could tell me you’re goldfish name, but not that you live here!
T: Ha-ha! What school?
A: ECOT
T: No Way, that’s where I go!
A: Oh my god, we should meet.
T: Okay, let’s go to Stix on Sunday.
A: That’s fine, mind if I bring a friend?
T: Sure! Long as I can bring one.
A: Okay, I’ll see you then.
T: Okay
Click
XXX
“Who was that?” Matt asked.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good job doing this! I wanted to read this because of all the NEW and DIFFERENT things in here! Being an author, your basic instinct should be to appeal to the reader. I'd say you got that down, flat!
First, I'd like to talk about the dialogue scenes. They're out of place in that kind of format. It's interesting and definitely catches the eye but you got to admit, there are a few rules to prose. So I've tried to rewrite them for you in direct speech:
Speak of the devil.
"It's Mari here."
"Hey Mar, it’s Matt, how are ya’?"
"I’m great actually, just got home, getting bags out the car."
"I know."
"Huh?"
"Come Outside."
“Mhmm.” I murmured. Then my phone rang again.
"Yellow!"
"Hey Amari, it’s Travis."
Oh the cute boy from the mall, I thought to myself.
"Heyy!"
"Hey, you get home safely?"
"Yeah, it feels good to be back in Columbus."
"Wait…you're in Columbus?"
"Yeah…why?"
"That’s where I live!”
Matt came out and gave me a questioning look, but I just told him to “Shh”.
"What?!?! You could tell me your name's Goldfish, but not that you live here!"
"Ha-ha! What school?"
"ECOT."
"No Way, that’s where I go!"
"Oh my god, we should meet."
"Okay, let’s go to Stix on Sunday."
"That’s fine, mind if I bring a friend?"
"Sure! Long as I can bring one."
"Okay, I’ll see you then."
"Okay!"
“Who was that?” Matt asked.
It looks disorganized still but you have to admit, looks more like classic prose.
There were some spelling errors and this story lacked a whole ton of description but I'd say teens would give this a chance!