They walked into a coffee shop, down the street from her job. They sat in a booth and awaited their order. They looked at each other for a moment, but then Matt spoke.
“You know that skirt is to short right?” He chuckled as she blushed and tugged on her skirt.
She had on a blue V-neck top, with ruffles; a tight black high waist skirt that stopped above the knee; and black and blue pumps with ruffles at the top. Her hair was in a bun with a few stands of hair falling over her glasses.
“IT IS NOT! These are my work clothes, unlike your casual wear!” She said trying to offend.
He wore a white dress shirt; brown, red, and tan tie; tan pants; and brown shoes.
“This is NOT casual. Besides I saw all your male coworkers staring at you. Don’t be seducing your friends now!” He laughed when she threw a balled up napkin, then laughed as it landed in his face.
“Shut up! I don’t do that!” She laughed along too.
Their laughter died down when the waiter came.
“Can I take your orders guy?”
“Yeah, um…Can I have a coffee with sugar and cream, and a muffin please? Blueberry.” She looked up to see none other than Sean!
“Oh, hey Sean! I didn’t know you worked here?” He smiled at her and nodded. They chatted for a minute before Matt broke in.
“Well I don’t care who you are, I would like coffee too. Black. Nothing added.” He looked at Amari, then at Sean, then back at Amari. Who is he anyway? That was the look he gave her.
Oh no, she thought.
“This is Sean, Kassi’s new boy to- I mean boyfriend.” Oh almost slipped!
She was just waiting for the moment when she would have to pull him off of Sean after he hit him. But she underestimated him, because instead he stood and shook his hand.
“Sorry for snapping earlier, I’m Matthew, Amari’s best friend.” They smiled and then Sean went to place the orders.
“What?” Matt saw the look Amari had on her face.
“You know what! I thought you were going to hit him!”
Matt’s expression changed. He looked down at his napkin and sighed.
“Believe me, Mar, I wanted to.” Then he tried to smile but it was fake. She could tell, it was her best friend after all.
She put her hand under her chin and smiled.
“Matt, you know I’m your best friend and I love you like a bro right?” He nodded.
“Good, because everyone else and I know you are a good person.” That got him to smile and look back up.
Just as she said it, two girls outside the shop looked inside and pointed at Matt. Then they took picture of him. What the hell? Great ANOTHER boost to his ego, she thought.
“You know you’re not that cute right?” Amari told him, hoping to bring his ego down.
“Aw Mari, come on. You know you want these rock hard abs!” He pulled his shirt up so the girls outside could get a good shot. Even some of the women in the restaurant turned their heads.
“Yeah, whatever! Just put them away!!”
Why Mar, you know you like it?” He looked at her deviously and she blushed for the, what, millionth time?
“MATT! PUT YOUR GODDAMN SHIRT DOWN BEFORE I BREAK MY HEEL OFF YOUR ASS!” She yelled in utter embarrassment and he laughed.
“Fine, you win.” He tucked his shirt back in. Then Sean brought the order back. He said something funny and they all laughed.
But even in the laughter, she heard her name.
“AMARI!” someone called.
Oh no. She had been so happy to be with her friends and calm today from when they entered the shop.
Nothing like an ex-boyfriend to raise your blood pressure.
Terrence.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I really do love this story! And thank you for not having any cellphone calls in this one!
Even though you have a lot of work to do in term of an actual plotline(sorry!), you need to work on actually describing your surroundings, and getting some emotion into this piece.... I just love the attitude in this and it's so funny!
Right now, I'm going to correct what's in here:(unfortunately not all of them...)
"... tight black high-waist skirt.."
"She said, trying to offend."
"He wore a white dress shirt; brown, red, and tan tie; tan pants; and brown shoes."
This sentence is kind of confusiing owing to all the semi-colons.
"He wore a white dress shirt, a brown, red, and tan tie, tan pants and brown shoes."
"He laughed when she threw a balled up napkin, then laughed as it landed in his face."
Tsk,Tsk! Incorrect grammar and repetition!
"He laughed as she threw a balled napkin which landed on his face."
"Can I take your orders ,guy?”
"She could tell... he was her best friend after all."
"Oh no. She had been so happy to be with her friends and calm today from when they entered the shop."
Might I suggest structuring this in a different way?
"Oh,no...She had been so calm and so happy to be with her friends since entering the shop."
How's that?
Also...instead of capitalizing words you want to stress, turn the into italics. It looks more natural that way. And try to limit the amount of question marks and unnecessary punctuation that you use. Believe me, it gets annoying sometimes!
In the end, I liked the characters, the dialogue, the predicaments and the attitude! So keep working! I'd love to see more of your writing
I really do love this story! And thank you for not having any cellphone calls in this one!
Even though you have a lot of work to do in term of an actual plotline(sorry!), you need to work on actually describing your surroundings, and getting some emotion into this piece.... I just love the attitude in this and it's so funny!
Right now, I'm going to correct what's in here:(unfortunately not all of them...)
"... tight black high-waist skirt.."
"She said, trying to offend."
"He wore a white dress shirt; brown, red, and tan tie; tan pants; and brown shoes."
This sentence is kind of confusiing owing to all the semi-colons.
"He wore a white dress shirt, a brown, red, and tan tie, tan pants and brown shoes."
"He laughed when she threw a balled up napkin, then laughed as it landed in his face."
Tsk,Tsk! Incorrect grammar and repetition!
"He laughed as she threw a balled napkin which landed on his face."
"Can I take your orders ,guy?”
"She could tell... he was her best friend after all."
"Oh no. She had been so happy to be with her friends and calm today from when they entered the shop."
Might I suggest structuring this in a different way?
"Oh,no...She had been so calm and so happy to be with her friends since entering the shop."
How's that?
Also...instead of capitalizing words you want to stress, turn the into italics. It looks more natural that way. And try to limit the amount of question marks and unnecessary punctuation that you use. Believe me, it gets annoying sometimes!
In the end, I liked the characters, the dialogue, the predicaments and the attitude! So keep working! I'd love to see more of your writing
I'm sorry, but this has absoulutly no plot line whatsoever.
Umm....why so many question marks?