Forever rewrite chapter 4

by Alice
  • July 26, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter
  • Romantic
  • Forever series
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Sorry this story has been deleted.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Teague
Comment
Teague commented · Mon Aug 04, 2008 9:47 pm

**LOCKED** by request.

-:pirate3:

User avatar
alwaysawriter
Review
alwaysawriter wrote a review · Sun Jul 27, 2008 4:01 pm

But did
Don't start a sentence with an interjection.

paranoia, he
Semi-colon instead of a comma.

her, and
Take out And and replace the comma with a semi-colon.

tomorrow, and
No comma.

He would take her to the club tomorrow, and tell her then. Right after he bribed DJ into playing her favorite song.
Combine these two sentences.

her, and
No comma.

played, they
Semi-colon.

He didn’t care what game he played, they were all mind numbing at three in the morning. So any game would do.
Combine these two sentences.

up, and
No comma.

groaned, why’d
Semi-colon.

yeah. Last
Capitalize the Y in Yeah.

Oh well
Comma and add Are after it.

you knew
Capitalize the Y in You.

He glanced at his mom, she was preparing his weekly chores list.
"He glanced at his mom, who was preparing his weekly chores list."

makin
Makin'

damn it really was
Take this out.

II’ll
I'll

Okay bye
Comma after Okay.

The three tasks he set forth on first. Eagerly anticipating the night.
Combine this two sentences.

I liked it. :)



You can't fool me! I listen to public radio!
— Squidward Tentacles