16+ Violence

The Siege, Chapter four: Hunters

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Word count: 2.793

Alice

The stink wasn’t unbearable; it wasn’t even the plain, usual stink of feces, and there were much of it down there, without a doubt. This was one of the seven main pipes leading the waste outside. This stink was something she couldn’t even identify; she wasn’t completely sure if she was dazzled by it or if it was all in her head.

The sewers had a pathway for people built in there, the one they were walking on right now. They would have been in complete darkness if only it wasn’t for the device Dan had with him, shining with blue light weakly in front of them.

She still wasn’t sure why Shael wouldn’t allow them any light. Well yes, they could be discovered much easier with a light down here, but then they would be able to fight the enemy.

Why am I suddenly so hungry for battle?

“Daston, when do you think they will throw something serious at us? I can understand them being shocked by the sudden attack, but it’s been few hours since we entered now.”

“They already did”, Dan answered, and Daston nodded silently.

“What do you mean?”

“I believe The Fort had dispatched the special hunting unit to get us down. Without a doubt, they will be using quite the technology to assist their task”, Dan said not looking at her, though he was frowning.

Why am I acting as such a scrub? I already know every detail of the operation, I am surely prepared for whatever they throw at me now!

“Dan, perhaps the greatest miscalculation you could make was the actions The State will make against us. You couldn’t have possibly predicted exactly what they will do.”

The younger of the two men adjusted his glasses with a smile. “Maybe you are right. And maybe they won’t send The Trackers to search for us now.”

Dan stopped, and pulled five steel balls out of his pocket. “But according to my math, they are already on the move. And here I’ve got little something to protect us.”

Dan placed three balls to the walls of the pipe; instantly, they caught onto it and started rolling, getting lost in the darkness. The other two he dropped into the water with a plop. They had too taken another shape and swam somewhere beneath.

“Just what was that right now?” Alice couldn’t resist asking.

“Look” Dan pointed forward, into the water. The sound much alike the explosion of a firecracker was heard, followed with a small splash of water.

“One Tracker is down. It was closer than I had expected, though.”

“Let’s move”, Daston said. “It would be fun if you explained us what you just did, but we need to be on the move.”

Dan and her both nodded together. She was surprised when a much louder crack with a mini-explosion happened somewhere behind them, in the darkness.

“I had used the last year of being employed by The State to sniff around a bit. I have found out much about their weaponry, and one of those discoveries was The Trackers. Those are designed to find and follow their targets while being completely in stealth to the humans. They can also track in almost any conditions.”

As soon as he was sure Dan and Alice followed, he kept on explaining:”These were quite the problem to our plan, you know? They may never know our exact location if we are to live. So I have designed the Hunters. They are able to operate in any conditions we may encounter. The Hunters will actually catch the radio signals The Trackers emit and bring them down, as they are slightly faster than them.”

“Brilliant”, Daston was the one to speak first. “But how were you able to connect with such an advanced tech?”

“Hey,” Dan turned backwards to face them, “ain’t I the young prodigy of The State?”

His gleam frightened Alice. She felt her skin shuddering before his look. The proud look. Was his confidence really that justified? If he underestimates them for a moment… he will doom them all, not only himself. Damn that man.

“Anyway, I’ve got the unique frequency emitter in my pocket. The two Hunters in water will always check on the canals in front as well as the backside from us, same goes for the two on the walls. The third is programmed to go into the hunt freely to confuse the enemy.”

She soon got used to the cracks from somewhere in the darkness. Now, it would have been half an hour of walking through the pipes. It’s time for her to use the heat sensors.

As she was slowly bringing it upon her face, she barely noticed the pale signatures hiding just behind the next wall…

“Down!” she screamed, but it was all too late. The blinding light was pointed right into their eyes.

“Run!” it was Daston who yelled, stepping right in front of Dan who was walking first in line.

Gunfires.

She could see Daston’s body was twitching before the might of the bullets. Dan grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back to where they came from.

Daston was shot down.

The plan had already failed. This was never supposed to happen.

Daston was not supposed to die here. No one was supposed to die.

But he did.

Dan pulled her through the darkness for quite some time, taking several turns to get away. It didn’t really seem as if they were followed; they seemed to be happy with taking down one of them. But it was only for now.

The gramps was dead. Bullets showing into his body were still flashing before her eyes. The fastening droplets of his blood too.

Was it the first time I saw someone get shot? Somebody I actually knew?

Somebody was shaking her shoulders recklessly.

“Alice! Alice!” It was the young, male’s voice. “Get a hold of yourself, god damn it! You have been trained by Shael personally!”

Shael. Such a dark, beautiful name. Daston is such an ugly name though. Who could like somebody named Daston?

Bang. Was it another gunshot?

No. Her cheek tingled and pricked. She got slapped. Everything turned to darkness. Darkness they had been walking in for the past hour.

“Alice, I need you.

“Dan”, she gasped. “I’m so sorry. But, Daston…” she felt her eyes swelling.

“Daston is fine. This is actually going according to the plan.”

“What?”

“This is the way it had to be done. But we need to hurry. He has to be rescued as soon as possible.”

“But Dan, they shot him all over, there is no way he lived.”

“Trust me, okay? I will explain everything when we reach the checkpoint.”

She managed to nod to him. What just happened now? This is not the Dan she knew so far.

“Listen. The third Hunter was specially programmed. Actually the part of each of our gears is emitting radio signals. If any of those gets separated, the Hunter will follow him. And here I’ve got the last Hunter who can track that isolated one, who happens to be Daston.”

Alice nodded yet again, and prepared her sniper. She had checked the heat sensors this time, and was ready to constantly keep an eye on it.

“Something is wrong with the plan. I should have checked the heat sensors earlier, Dan. They were already there.”

“I promise you the explanation later. We must go now. There is a problem, though. The Hunter is extremely fast, and small. If we lose it out of sight, we won’t be able to save Daston.”

Tracking down that marble-sized thing in almost complete darkness? And she had already seen their speed. They almost disappeared. Was she able to do it?

“You can do it; after all, you are Shael’s soldier. You are the best one there is.”

Yes, she can do it.

“How are we gonna defeat those solders?” it was the question that bugged her.

“It’s one more thing we don’t have to worry about now. We just need to reach Daston.” He have already leaned the marble metallic ball to the wall. It had instantly caught onto the it, trying to break free from his grasp and run.

“Ready?” he asked her.

“Sure.”

He released the Hunter, and Alice run. The only thing she had to look at was the small Hunter, luckily reflecting the pale blue light Dan’s device emitted. Its speed was incredible; her muscles started to hurt after the few minutes of a long sprint. The last time she had felt the muscle pain was during the “Master’s” training she took during the time she spent in Summer Cottage.

It slowly started slowing down, and rolling over from the wall to the ceiling of the tunnel.

She almost failed to notice the waste water turning into the crimson red.

She just had to jump over the ripped arm.

Dan barely followed her, but he was still behind, she could hear the echoes of his footsteps.

Now she encountered a body whose arm was twenty meters down this pipe.

A soldier.

His bulletproof vest, at least to usual bullets was torn to pieces, his gun was broken in two. There were dozens of soldiers in there now, parts of their bodies all over the place. Their blood was slowly filling into the canal, crawling like disgusting worms.

And there he was, Daston, lying in the middle of this mass of thorn apart soldiers.

He smiled to her.

“What is this…” she lost her breath.

Dan reached them. He jumped and managed to take the two Hunters sticking onto the ceiling.

“Everything went fine, Daston?” he asked him. His voice was back to his usual.

“Pretty much”, Daston coughed out. “I’m not sure what to do with these twenty seven bullets rammed all over my body, though.”

Alice couldn’t take her eyes off him. The wounds were everywhere, yet he was still alive. But his arms… they were stained with blood up to the elbows. His mouth and teeth were bloodied too. What the hell just happened here?

“You know we shall take care of it soon. The main thing is, this squad is eliminated.”

“Dan”, Daston spoke once again. “This was not the squad we wanted to get rid of. These people were all veterans and highly ranked, but they were not… special.”

Dan noticed what was just told to him, but he simply didn’t seem to care of it. He scratched something into the notebook of his.

Daston still haven’t moved from the position he was since they reached him.

“Why don’t I know what’s exactly going on here?” Alice said. She felt helpless.

It was Daston to answer her now. “As soon as we’re safe, I will tell you everything you need to know. We are in the middle of battle now.”

She pouted, but she could do nothing.

“Help me get up now, can you, darlin’?

Well, she could do that. She held her enormous sniper in one hand and she let Daston wrap one of his hands around her neck, lifting him up, and staining her with blood. He barely managed to stand, but somehow, it seemed like his strength was returning rapidly.

She accidentally glanced over his fingertips; they were wounded. They were split like an overripe grape, and bleeding.

He saw what caught her attention, and winked at her.

God damn.

“Let’s proceed again”, Dan said. He was checking onto his notebook again, completely ignoring them. He led the way past the slaughtered platoon of soldiers.

They were supposed to reach a checkpoint soon. To meet an insider that would lead them to a place they would be able to operate from through the year. She had expected a fight, here in the tunnels, but what happened just now just pushed her off the tracks. It seemed like it was all perfectly planned, but she knew nothing about this action.

You will learn of it when we reach the checkpoint. All right, now she just needed to escort them to it.

Daston was now able to walk on his own, though limp, and holding his stomach constantly. At one point he coughed as if he would throw up, but he spit the bullet out.

She was surprised, but she knew what answer she would get if she asked them anything now. “I know, I know. Later” she spoke, looking Daston, imitating the dumb face. The old man returned her with a smile.

Daston suddenly stopped them. Alice noticed his ears bleeding, but she stayed silent. They had to be gravely silent if they were to succeed now.

The real threat was here.

They needed to reach a place in the sewers where they would be picked up by the insider. But Shael was sure they knew about the existence of this passage, and that they would put the guards there. Actually, he was certain they knew about the insider too, that they would have numerous trackers onto him. That’s why they had to reach this place, even if it was guarded, and disable the Trackers, so that the insider would be able to reach an actual, unknown passage.

The only problem was the abilities of the guardians. It was almost guaranteed they were not human. And she had to kill, or trick them.

Well, she was ready for it.

She saw Dan having one of his Hunters ready in his fingers. They were standing completely still, not producing a single sound, so she just grabbed the Hunter over from Dan him.

She had trained especially for this cause. It was one of the things she had learned from the Master’s book, too.

Who cares if The State had soldiers with ten times sharpened senses if she could move completely silent?

It was all or nothing, and it was nothing strange. Every move they make in here will be like that. One mistake and they are all dead.

Alice stepped forward, and made no sound. If she only came across a single puddle… She decided to run. They were still more than hundred meters away from the fake checkpoint, so she could take a good run-up.

This is something I have never tried before… but it’s all or nothing, no?

She stepped onto the curved wall of the giant pipe’s inside. Her feet locked onto it. Only few more meters. She could see the gap in the wall, even in this darkness.

Now!

Alice leaped up to the ceiling, and onto the other side of the wall, turning herself to the opposite direction. Meanwhile, the Hunter had left her hand and bounced off into the darkness.

It was less than blink of an eye, but she was certain she saw the fire leaving the rifles, bullets rushing towards her, when she bounced back onto the way, and ran towards Daston and Dan.

I succeeded. The Hunter will be able to remove the Trackers now, and our man will be able to reach the checkpoint. If we get out of this tunnel alive.

She had reached the turning where they were waiting for her. Daston was already running down the path, but Dan was waiting for her.

Bullets flashed around them, but she finally hid behind the wall.

Splash.

Dan followed her, but it seemed it was not fast enough. He got hit to the backside of his shoulder.

“It’s nothing. Run!” he yelled. They were not hidden anymore. They had to reach the checkpoint fast; fighting this opponent is a battle they can’t win.

Dan just took a bullet for me.

But she didn’t let the thoughts overwhelm her the way they knew. She focused on nothing else but running for her own life.

“Use it, now!” Dan yelled.

Alice turned around, explosive shot already ready in her fingers. With harmonic click, it took its place in her sniper, but it had no time to enjoy its new home. It was already in the air, flying towards the ceiling.

This won’t slow these monsters too much, but it will certainly blur their senses. This shot is a spicy one. Literally.

The explosion crushed the stones and lifted the dust, but it also spread the smoke to kill off their sense of smell. The stink in here was almost unbearable, but they were not ready to risk the mission if there was a way to be completely certain.

They were on the run yet again, but she could see Daston standing next to a small opening in the wall. This time, they let Dan crawl in first, and she was the last one to enter.

Someone really, really small closed the entrance behind them.

Finally, they have reached the “checkpoint Suspension”.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Sun Feb 15, 2015 10:39 pm

Hi Alchemist!

It's me again, with what will probably be an even shorter review than before >.> I don't think there really is much to say with your chapters that hasn't already been said, and in most cases there isn't any use me repeating the nitpicks and so on! So I will simply stick to the little I have to say. Like before, I will have to say you are good at the action scenes, and I think you are starting to see a pattern in this. I also like how you have included this new technology. It seems like Alice is being heavily counted on when it comes to doing certain things in this mission, but is still being kept slightly out of the loop. She seems to understand the importance of them continuing on with the mission, but it must be pretty hard for her to feel so disconnected from what is actually happening. For me, I am looking forward to finding out what power they have which is helping them stay alive even though they have been riddled with bullets. Hm... the curiosity. I hope it is a plausible explanation!

I have only little nitpick and it is with the choice of names. I am not sure if I have mentioned it before but Dan and Daston sound awfully similar and it is hard to have them together because the reader can easily get confused. You should really consider changing one of their names, more so that it can start with another letter. Or if you do want to keep them then maybe have the name apply to someone who is not working in this group, so you don't get two people with the same names in the same chapter or scene. That could be a way of changing things up without getting rid of a name you might like.

Another thing I want to mention is that although you are great when it comes to action scenes, I feel like that is mainly what the story has been all about so far. And that makes it really hard for me to care about what is happening. Sure, we get to know the characters a bit but it's hard to have basically zero plotline apart from violence and action. The scenes begin to blend into one another and it's hard to see the bigger picture or the point when all we have been told so far is that there is a revolution going on. I also think we need to have more of an emotional connection the characters. If that connection runs deeper then maybe it would be a break in the action and we could care about things a bit more. But otherwise I think the story might begin boring some readers, or the chapters might become all too similar to one another.

So this was a very short review! I didn't have too much to say, so I will continue on with reading.

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Deanie x

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rainforest
Review

Hello there! Unknown391625 here with another Team Aqua review!

It's awesome! It is really good. When you see the title, it intrigues you to read the story. It sure did the same to me! And also, I enjoy how you put how many words you put in the story at the beginning. That's is really good. IamTraunt named all of the nitpicks I caught so I have nothing to say. You categorized the story and the genres correctly. Same with the rating. Though the ending sounds a little cliche. You need to add more so it makes you wanting to know more. Just the ending didn't sound so good. Overall, good job! I wanna see more from you. Don't give up and always write, Alchemist!

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IamTraunt
Review

IamTraunt here to review!

Nitpicking Time!

The stink wasn’t unbearable; it wasn’t even the plain, usual stink of feces, and there were much of it down there, without a doubt.

This sentence is a little choppy, to ease it out a little, I would suggest putting:
The stink wasn’t unbearable; it wasn’t even the plain, usual stink of feces, and there was a lot of it down there, without a doubt.

They would have been in complete darkness if only it wasn’t for the device Dan had with him, shining with blue light weakly in front of them.

'With' isn't quite the right word, it should be 'a' and a few other words need to be added in:
They would have been in complete darkness if only it wasn’t for the device Dan had with him, which was shining a blue light weakly in front of them.

I can understand them being shocked by the sudden attack, but it’s been few hours since we entered now.

You missed out the 'a':
I can understand them being shocked by the sudden attack, but it’s been a few hours since we entered now.

"They already did”, Dan answered, and Daston nodded silently.

The comma should be inside the speech marks.

"I believe The Fort had dispatched the special hunting unit to get us down. Without a doubt, they will be using quite the technology to assist their task”, Dan said not looking at her, though he was frowning.

Again, the comma needs to be inside.

Just what was that right now?” Alice couldn’t resist asking.

This sentence is a little choppy, and some words were unnecessary. Why not put:
"What was that right?” Alice couldn’t resist asking.

"Look” Dan pointed forward, into the water.

You need a comma inside of the speech marks.

She was surprised when a much louder crack with a mini-explosion happened somewhere behind them, in the darkness.

You already told us that it is dark, it is unnecessary to tell us again.

"Down!” she screamed, but it was all too late.

This word is unnecessary.

He released the Hunter, and Alice run.

This should be 'ran'.

She had trained especially for this cause.

I think it would sound better if you put 'she had been trained'.

And that's the nitpicks done!
Seeing as I haven't read the previous chapters I won't talk too much about the characters or storyline. But I must say you have got something interesting going on. Your pace is fact, your flow is mostly smooth and you have very intriguing characters - I'm sure your readers are caught up in this very adventurous story. Good job!

Keep it up!

Hey! Thanks for those nitpicks! Can I ask you one thing, If you have time to answer: what did you think of Trackers/Hunters? It was only introduced now, was it well explained and did it have any sense to you?

You're ever so welcome :)
Yes, everything made sense. It was clear and it was very intriguing. Well explained. It was really good.

Thank you, it means a lot to me! :)

;) It's what I'm here for! If you need a review just ask.



If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
— W. Edwards Deming