Word count: 1.353 (short I know)
Aleron calmly watched the branches burning. His gaze was jumping from the campfire to the lantern every few minutes. Something was so different about the fire inside the lantern, except for the color itself, was it the pattern of its moves, sudden stillness, or the fact that it wasn't producing any smoke.
The man took him away from his village. They ventured deep inland, following the trail of the canyon, and finally stopped to rest near a cave.
"What's your problem kid?" someone said. Aleron hopped in surprise when he realized: the fire inside the lantern was the one who said that. It's voice was hard to understand, it seemed like the crisping of the fire somehow produced the sound. Fire twisted weirdly and it somehow formed an eyes and mouth. It was watching him.
"Sir! The fire just talked to me!" he whispered to the sleeping man.
The stranger briefly opened his eye. "Of course he did."
This man had taken him from his village. It's not as if anyone could stop him, or if anyone had wanted to; Aleron had been looked upon like he was a pest of some kind since he was born. His father hated him for taking his mother with him, and since Aleron was sometimes...seeing things, it made his father hate him even more. And after all, his brother was dead; his father wouldn't abandon him but something happened to him. Since brother died, he lost his mind. He had no family left, and the rest of the people wanted him gone.
Aleron looked at the flame again. It returned the empty look, without a word. It seemed intrigued by him somehow, like it wanted to know everything about him.
"Why did you take me away, sir?" the kid asked. The man gave him chills, but everything was better than the place where no one would look upon him as a friend. This man, even he knew nothing about, gave a friendly and feeling of safety.
It seemed that he fell asleep. Aleron was disappointed, he had so many questions, but then he looked upon the fire. It kept looking him, impatiently.
"Isn't it rude to stare like that?" crisping voice broke the silence first.
"Sorry", Aleron lowered his head. He couldn't hold his look away long enough; few seconds later, he was focused on it once again. "What is your name?" he asked. "You already know mine."
"I don't need to have a name", its voice was exalted. "The names are something you humans give to each other, but for someone like me they mean nothing."
"You speak high for someone trapped inside the lantern", the smile broke on the man's face, his eyes still closed. "My name is Sethis, and you can call him Flame. He has no other name; he is the spirit of the mountain."
"The spirit of the lava spitting mountain, the volcano, human", Flame pouted for not being introduced appropriately.
Sethis finally gave up on his sleep. "You seem to have forgotten who captured you, silly Flame." He was dead serious; they stared at each other for a few seconds, but then Flame looked away.
"Release me if you dare and I will beat you right now!" Flame was angry. Aleron looked up on them in awe, listening carefully.
"There's no need to scare the kid, Flame", Sethis said. He pulled himself behind and leaned onto the rock, sitting upright.
"Why didn't you help my brother... Sethis?" Aleron was cold. He looked him straight into his eyes, but he seemed as if he had already known the answer himself.
"He decided for himself that he would trade his life to bring me to the land. When he reached me, there is nothing I could do. Besides, it seems to me that you know very well what is down there in the water."
"Everyone knows about algae. They are everywhere and they dissolve everything that touches it", Aleron pretty much declared.
"But you have seen those lights deep down below, didn't you?"
Aleron nodded shyly. "Dad had always told me there is nothing there, that I'm imagining things."
Sethis burst into laughter. "That fool!" Aleron never heard anyone call his father fool. He was a chief, after all. "I'm sorry I haven't found you earlier, kid."
"Why were you looking for me, then?" Aleron was the most interested in this one.
Sethis seemed to be thinking about if he should answer to his question. "I have a reason to believe you are incarnation of a man who lived long time ago."
"Woah", Aleron sighed. "But...what is an incarnation?"
Sethis shook his head in disbelief. "It doesn't really matter. What matters now is that you have become my apprentice."
"Really? You will teach me magic?" his eyes shined and the smile spread out of excitement. He even jumped to his feet, his fists in clench.
"Why couldn't have you been a little bit older", Sethis tried to whisper to him self, as if he failed to keep the thought to himself. "Yes, magic. Actually, you can start right now. Take the Flame and go play with him."
"Hey!" Flame protested while Aleron was running towards him, absolutely overcome with joy. "I didn't accept this!" Flame yelled, and his body completely filled the lantern. "Be careful!" he kept yelling when the long rod was picked up, and the lantern swung, almost making a full circle in the air.
"You shall pay me for this", Flame spitted out while being carried away, but Sethis replied him with ignorant smile. He soon closed his eyes and seemed to have felt asleep.
Aleron wandered away, with the rod over his shoulder, just like Sethis was holding it. But his reckless run made it swing like crazy and angry groaning was heard from behind all the time.
"Allright!" Aleron stopped. "What do we do now?" He asked, but instead of waiting, he swung the rod like it was sword. They stopped in the clearing near the small creek that made the canyon. The large columns of water-carved stone were all around. The creek must have been a giant river long time ago.
"Stop!" Flame protested once again in desperation. This time Aleron finally obeyed.
"But I really want to learn the magic". As soon as the words were said something happened. Heat spread from his palm through the rod and the Flame's face disappeared. Fire started bursting upwards from its top; Aleron finally dropped the rod out of the surprise, and as abruptly as it started the fire ceased.
"You dropped me!" Flame screamed. "Don't drop me ever again or I'll kill you."
"I-I'm sorry", Aleron sobbed. He fell to his back when he dropped it. He didn't move his eyes from the Flame, nor he was able to shut his mouth.
Flame seemed to have cooled down when he saw the boy's expression. "You are strong, young human. Maybe even stronger than Sethis."
"Really?" Aleron seemed to be overcome with joy yet again. He stood up and moved to pick up the rod.
"I think that Sethis will only hold off your power. Lets run away, I will be the one to teach you the magic."
"You will?" the voice was heard from behind. Sethis appeared from behind one of the big rocks, smiling warmly. He lifted his arm and the rod flew towards him, until he caught it.
"Damn you." the Flame smirked. "I will get away eventually, human."
"Aleron", Sethis turned towards him. Aleron was afraid, and looked down, expecting to get scolded. "You actually did almost nothing right now. It was all Flame, trying to get away."
"Oh", Aleron sighed.
"I said almost nothing. Flame would have never been able to do what he did if you were a normal human. He channeled your body to release his power; what I do is channel his power to command the fire itself. But that is the least of my powers. For the beginning, I will teach you how to use Flame."
Aleron gasped, almost drolling out of happiness, and Flame was nervous. He turned away, talking something to himself.
They returned to the cave, and finally spent some time resting.
End of chapter
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WOOO! Ok, so I read your prolong, and now I have read your first chapter. I'm really feeling it, this is my new favorite story. I really like the protagonist, he is full of many sorrows and woes, which will make his triumph even better. This flame spirit is pretty wise too, ha, reminds me of an awesome anime or something. This story has a great deal of things going for it to make it awesome. Sethis is pretty interesting too as a mentor, it would be crazy if he ends up dying like most teachers do in heroic stories, that would be sad. Let me not get ahead of myself though.
"He decided for himself that he would trade his life to bring me to the land. When he reached me, there is nothing I could do. Besides, it seems to me that you know very well what is down there in the water."
That was messed up, Sethis showed no gratitude, he seems like he only cares for the protagonist, which makes me an extremely determined teacher. I can't wait to see their further interactions as teacher and student.
Oh man! You gave me 3 reviews and I didn't reply! I feel so rude, sorry. Not sure how I failed to notice them. Sorry once again!
No problem, I will continue to follow up on your stories, i kind of took a break from the website due to other things but I will continue to review you, I love your story.
Hey there! Good morning ^.^
I wonder it's going to play out with Aleron learning magic as well. It was a bit sad to see how he had such a difficult life beforehand, but then again, I heard it's life knocks that make you who you are today. It's good to see things like this because then it shows how he still managed to survive through the difficult past and get to who he is today.
This was a good chapter! I liked how we got introduced to Flame, it's an interesting addition to the story
One things I wanted to see a bit more of was Sethis's appearance. Was there anything remotely different about his face, or clothes or the way he carried himself that made us know that he is from different lands that no one has been to before? Or that show he has magic? He could look completely differently to Aleron and all the other villagers he has spent his life around. So, it would be nice to have a bit of a description.
How does Aleron immediately know that when he says apprentice, he means apprentice to magic? You can be an apprentice to many different things, so it would be weird from him to assume magic is in this case so quickly. Unless, there are telltale signs that Sethis has magic. But then again, as I mentioned with the description above, maybe this could help you solve that problem. Also, maybe mention something that shows he was guessing when it came to magic being what he was talking about.
How did Aleron see the lights beneath the sea? Would he just go up to the coast and just peak into the water and see the lights, or dis he go out into a boat and take a look at the deeper depths? I wondered about that a bit. I hope we get to know what these lights mean in future chapters as well...
Aleron is super excited about the practice of magic! It makes it sound like it's something pretty rare, and not many people get to use it. How does he know it even exists? Did some people at his village have it before? I know these are minor things that aren't really to the point, but little details like this can really get the reader hooked and make them want to keep reading
How did Sethis know Aleron's name and everything before meeting him? It would seem strange, especially as Aleron doesn't seem like someone special a lot of people talked about, but rather someone who was more so covered up and tried to be ignored. Unless he used magic, which you should explain, then there is no way he would know Aleron. How did Sethis even know Aleron had the potential to work with magic, or can anyone do it?
Okay, I guess these are enough questions for today. I hope this review helped, and as always, I will go continue reading more
Deanie x
hey Deanie! You are awesome!
I'm glad you are asking questions. Some of those, like, how did he knew Aleron's name, is just a mystery and to be revealed later. But most of your questions actually reveal a description I overlooked, or something that needs to be thought through more. I'm glad you do this it's extremely helpfull! I won't be able to work on it for a few days though, at leasdt untill I'm back from my vacation.
No problem! There is always time for editing later
Alchy! I'm back again!
Main Points
Okay so there's something I want to point out:
There's this paragraph:
and this paragraph:
So after reading the first one, I was wondering what the reaction of the villagers, and his family were, then later on when reading the second one my questions were answered. Both the paragraphs say the same thing- that the man took Aleron away- except the second one explains alot of things like the questions I asked before. So my suggestion is: take the second paragraph and move it to replace the first one. The first one becomes somewhat redundant due to the presence of the second so I think it would flow a lot better and make more sense if you did move the second to completely replace the third. I hope that wasn't too confusing
I actually disagree with Noelle.
Overall, I enjoyed this very much and am off to read your next chapter right now!
Silverlock
Ohhh, I really didn't notice that little repetition. Surely chapter doesn't really need both of these.

Why the water is corrosive, everyone knows(algae). How it became like that, nobody knows. So its juggling with these information that I find important, though I described the first one in this chapter becouse I thought it would slow the prologue's pacing.
I'm glad you liked it!
Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!
I do believe you meant to say 'The difference between the campfire and the fire inside the lantern' instead of using the word 'something'. I mean, I'm not sure if you want to call it a campfire or not, but you get what I'm saying here. The beginning of this sentence seems to be an incomplete thought.
The word 'sir' should be capitalized here. It's used as a title for Sethis so it follows the same rules as names.
Ah, so here is the answer as to why the brother was killed as he swam in the ocean. Well, I'm glad to finally have that explained, but I still think it would work better if it was explained in the prologue. You don't even have to go into great description in the prologue. Save the effects of the algae for this chapter. Do add something in the prologue though where the father, for example, cries out against the algae. I don't know how you'd like to mention it, but please do. Otherwise it's a bit strange since we don't end up dying when we swim in the ocean.
I really like Aleron in this chapter. I feel his wonder and excitement whenever Sethis mentions teaching him magic. I also feel his disappointment when he realizes that Flame had done most of the magic. You did a good job relating those emotions to us. I personally think that's a great trait in a writer. Do keep that up
Sethis is also a very interesting character. I like the transition here from him being a big, scary guy in the prologue to being the man he is in this chapter. It's a nice transition and really grabs our attention. Now I'm left thinking that maybe Aleron's father and brothers and everyone else are the ones in the wrong. Maybe Sethis is the right person for Aleron to be with.
Overall, this is a good chapter. You've transitioned from the prologue very well. I don't have any questions as to what had happened between chapters. There's also a very healthy time gap between the prologue and the first chapter. Prologues usually take place a while before the story. At least, the ones I've seen. So I was totally expecting this gap in time and it fit in well.
Alright, onto the next chapter!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Thanks for the awesome review!

I'm really glad you're giving me your impression of the story, it actually helps so much since I can understand what the reader will see. There were a few propisitions too which I will take into the consideration!
Hey there!
So yeah I read the whole thing and I fell its pretty good. Like Laure said you can develop your characters a lot, but you probably knew that already.
Anyway, TYPOS!
"...dissolve everything that touches it..."
I think its supposed to be touches them, since you referred to the algae as "them" previously.
You know what? I'll stop. Why don't you just read through it once and fix the mistakes yourself.
I get really pissed sometimes when I ask my friends to read my work and the come up with typos.
Let me know when the next chapter comes out okay?
Toodles!
Thanks for the review!

Im glad you felt like that, I will certainly have a lot of character developement to do, and will be real careful about that one.
Yeah I usually still have tons of typos left, even after two or three rounds of editing, so I will surely do it again.
Last, the first part of the next chapter is already out! xD
Thanks for reading!
Hai Alchemist, Laure here for a review! Is midnight and I'm on my tablet so if I make any mistake, I'm very sorry, midnight reviews aren't really my thing but I can't sleep tonight. So, this seems pretty interesting, a talking fire,a boy taken from his village, lots of questions to be filled b seems promising. The length is very short for a chapter, have you think about lengthening it or do you plan in keepi it this short? In any case, is entirely up to you just advising you on the general protocols here.
Because this chater is so short, my review is going to be pretty brief too. I'm going to outline the main points here for you. Because is so brief, there is no room for character development hence we can't get to know the character. There are also some questions that needs to be answered. In the first paragraph, you said the colour as different, how was it different why was it different, describe the fire to us. Don't just leave it there. And then the same with e next paragraph, if the fire said it, it wouldn't be someone would it? It would be something. What did the fire sound like, it's appearance? It's tone and voice? Always show us these things because it gives us a clearer image of what's going on. You said, they looked evil and scary. I think you can go for some better words than scary and evil, they are terribly vague and non-description. If you add in some figurative language, you can actually set up the mood for your readers so that we get in tune with both the situation and the characters.
Onto the part with Aleron's conversation with the man, I would like to know more on that. How did the man know, the whole thing was over so abrutply I was just left there wondering what had happened. I would have expected at least some sort of exchange between the two, some questioning and would Aleron's give up so easily? I mean the fire just talked to him and also, I would like to see some of his own thoughts on that. Before jumping straight into another round f questioninng. I would like to know more on his village and why they abondoned him, and also, why did you use the kid at the end? We already know is Aleron. And also, I find it kind of abrupt when you wrote about the fire for the entire chapter then suddenly switched to why Aleron was taken. Shouldn't it be Laeron evaluating the situation before moving onto that? The connection between those two seemed very choppy and needs to be developed.
You also need to develop your characters, descriptions and show your surroundings and character's a bit more, this feels like the skeleton of a chapter than an actual chapter though everything seems promising. Keep up the great work!
-Laure
Oh man, this was supposed to be a draft only, I felt like starting a chapter but wasn't even close to finishing it. But you gave me quite a few lines to consider while working on it, thank you very much, and can I ask you to return to it when I'm fully done? I'm really not sure how this got published! XD
Hey the full chapter is out. I know it's longer than what you wanted to review at first, but at least give it a glance, it will be helpful!
xD, well that makes way more sense! I will read it first and review your second chapter. Sounds good?
Sounds great! Thanks for reading, and sorry for making you confused! XD
Hey, can I also ask you to say everything that's on your mind while reading? I really need someone to tell me straight-forward: you are fine, or you suck. xD Maybe it's too random to ask you for such a thing?
Hey there! Here for a review again!
Now, You have made this little piece quite intriguing in itself. And yes the magic has captivated me. Yet again. But I think you could've made it longer.
"...He was confused and scared, but everything should be better than a place he was hated in."
There's something about this line that doesn't quite sound right. I get What you're trying to say. But I think you can make it sound better, especially since the place Aleron is from has never seen visitors before.
It appears to me as if the people didn't exactly respect Jared the way they should've as a chief, to hate his only descendant in this way. I guess that's for another day though eh?
Well, Ciao for now!
Actually, this was meant to be a draft, and unpublished, I'm confused... this is barely a beggining of a chapter, but thanks for the reveiw so far! Can I ask you to return when it's fully done? xD
hey, the full chapter is out, I hope you can read it and give me your opinion!