Young Writers Society

Hello this is Foxmaster!!!🦊
I used to be a person with long hair until I grew tired of it, so I am really enjoying this. I can totally relate to some of these, ha-ha.

They leaned over to tie their shoe, and their hair fell over their shoulder onto their foot.

Nosy old people with no sense of personal space.

Babies.

Toddlers.

Right off the bat this story had me giggling at every sentence, its just funny from beginning to end XD. As a person who use to have long hair (I have since chopped it off), I can fully agree with that sentiment and relate to some of the woes. I burst out laughing when it says "The conditioner had run out yesterday." and how the whole story is written as a horror story, that's the icing on the cake.
Overall it was an enjoyable read and you basically owned it, I don't know what else to say, but bravo.
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- Goodnight and good morning, Rokita.

As someone with long hair, I can confirm that all of this is very true! I thought all of it was really funny, but I burst out laughing at the “the conditioner had run out yesterday” line and the single-word lines. I think this one: “A random stranger walked up to them and started telling her how pretty their hair was, and they waited in horror; they knew what would come next.” Sound really ominous for some reason; I know when it says “they knew what would come next”, it’s probably talking about people touching their hair, but I like to imagine that bad stuff happens when people compliment their hair, like the mc’s hair having a mind of its own or something. Overall really great, made me laugh

This is so good! I have never related to a work so much. Like WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO TOUCH MY HAIR i think maybe three different girls have told my my hair is soft and asked if they could touch it. I would also like to mention the horrible feeling of not putting your hair up and then nearly choking on your hair when being active. Just me?
(I'm sorry that this was 100% unhelpful but I just had to rant X D

hi! omg, this is like so relatable as someone with long hair that’s hard to deal with. except without the drying part, i have oily hair.
i like how these are short ‘horror’ sentences. so horrifying! lol.
good job! i like the humor and such. it was a nice change from what i usually read. heh…:)

Hi AceassinoftheMoon, I thought I'd leave a quick review.

This was a fun piece to read, and the short sentences even gave the story a bit of a rhythm. The question forming in my head as I read through each sentence was: and then what happened?
The trials of having long hair seemed endless for this poor protagonist, who exeprienced one hardship after another. But conflict as we know drives stories, and I think you captured this conflict really well. There was one point that confused me and I had to read it over several times to understand it:
"A random stranger walked up to them and started telling her how pretty their hair was, and they waited in horror; they knew what would come next."
Here you address the protagonist as "her" but at every other point she is addressed as "them". To maintain consistency, I would recommend changing the "her" in this sentence to a "them".
The last line feels like the final straw. After all that happens with the battle with detanglement and the ensuing desire for others to brush her hair, this final question is thrown into the mix.
All in all, I really enjoyed this story. The use of both satirical tone and short sentences makes it a fun read.

Keep on writing!
- Poetry Misfit

Hi AceassinOfTheMoon,

Mailice here with a short review!

I'm coming back to give a short review of this, because the thought of it has once again confirmed me not to let my hair grow.

What struck me positively was how the story here feels like a real story. Every sentence is a beginning and an end and every paragraph brings you deeper into the story. It feels like a summary of a day in the life of a person with long hair. This is very well done because with these short sentences it reads as if you can almost insert the time, like sentence 1, 7 am, sentence 2 7:30 am, etc... and yet each sentence can also read individually, which makes it possible to read the sentences individually. So you can actually show each sentence as a single "story" and you would still have the same effect as the whole story. I like this approach, whereby you've managed to actually force a brief creepy moment with each sentence without seeming extreme or with any gory moments. Definitely a big plus.

What I didn't notice so positively was more how the story increasingly reads a bit too fast from the second half onwards, making it seem like you put more thought into opening the story rather than ending it. (I also think you can definitely go on and on).

"Can I borrow your brush?"
"Can I touch your hair?"
"Can I help you brush your hair?" the person with short hair asked, reaching for the brush.

Firstly, I love the theme of personal space and the need of perfection and control in your own life or at least thats how I have interpreted it. The stress and struggle the person has within keeping their hair organised and tidy emphasises the need to earn others praise or gain a sense of self-worth. I also like the stressful atmosphere reflected by tangled hair, stuffy air and an itchy sweater. Its also relatable in the fact that it reminds me of how it is to have long hair, or to be in a hurry and not have what you need.

Nosy old people with no sense of personal space

Babies.Toddlers

"Are you ever going to cut it?"

Ha! This poem! (Well,it’s not really a poem,but still) I myself used to have long hair before I cut it.These are real horror sentences.Forget Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft,this stuff will give anyone with long hair nightmares.I think it’s cute,funny and whimsical.I really have no favorite part,I thought all of it was lovely.I hope you have a wondrous and amazing day and night.

Ha! This poem! (Well,it’s not really a poem,but still) I myself used to have long hair before I cut it.These are real horror sentences.Forget Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft,this stuff will give anyone with long hair nightmares.I think it’s cute,funny and whimsical.I really have no favorite part,I thought all of it was lovely.I hope you have a wondrous and amazing day and night.

oh my goodness i love this