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How James Bond earned the name 007

by 4revgreen


( In English we were meant to write a story about a fast car chase or something inspired by James Bond but I don't like writing action stories so I wrote this instead. It's obviously not the best in terms of writing, but it's just a fun little break from writing seriously all the time)

Like an angry and sick old man, the car groaned as it crawled through the tunnel. The wheels heaved under the weight of Mr Bond, who'd put on a few pounds over Christmas. "Damn my wife and her cooking," he muttered as the seat belt restricted his breath, rolls of fat suffocating his heart as his tiny arms struggled to actually reach the steering wheel. Once known as the "Best spy in the world," Mr Bond now preferred "The best PIE in the world,"

Something crunched under the wheel, like an egg under a steel boot, and Mr Bond slammed on the breaks, his size 3.5 feet only just making it. Oh god, he must have run over a squirrel. The stumpy little red man pushed open the door and slid out of his sweaty leather seat, knee bones clicking under his fat thighs. He padded painfully slowly over to the front of his car where he discovered, to his stomachs dismay, a completely flattened child. This mornings breakfast splashed over his shoes and over the flat child, unfortunately. Grimacing, he bent down as far as his hips would let him and peeled the flattened bloody corpse of the child off the ground

"Oh, look at that," He chuckled as the body revealed a flattened squirrel underneath it "I did run over a squirrel,"

Making sure no-one was looking, the spy threw the child in his boot along with the others- this wasn't a one off incident. Six other small body were stacked up in the back of his car.

At that precise moment, which was possibly the worst moment that Mr Bond had ever been caught in, a police car with bright blue flashing lights rolled up beside him, siren blaring like good old JJ here often did in the shower, re-enacting classics such as Beyonce's "Single Ladies,". The officer, who was only doing his job, seemed relatively confused when he saw the fat man in a too small suit standing in the middle of the road, but cheerily approached him like a predator would in a dark alleyway.

"I'm – oh, Well," He stated "Well, well, what do we have here then?"

"Hello, Well Well," Mr Bond gulped "I'm Jond, Bames Jond, wait I mean James Bond - and uh," but he couldn't think of what to say.

The officer's eyes widened as he finally spotted the stack of pancake looking children in the boot of the beat up old car "By gar- how many children are in there?"

"Oh- OH! Seven," A worried James scratched his tomato red head.

And that, children, is how Mr JJ Bond got the nick name of double Oh seven


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351 Reviews


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Mon Apr 08, 2019 12:29 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely night. And to help you get your work out the green room.

Okay let's start.

So I only saw one thing wrong with your work, well I can't really say it's wrong I just want to point out this one thing I saw, but I thought this shorts story was really well written and I really liked reading it. I just wanted to know if you have read the books or watched the movies? Because I have watched the movies and I'm sure James has blond hair. If you look that this sentence you said he had red hair.

"Oh- OH! Seven," A worried James scratched his tomato red head.

Or that's what I that's what I think your saying.

But other than that I really liked your story. Your description was spot on, you gave me a really good image in my head, and I liked the little world you created. And I liked James' new personality, it's not the one I'm used to, so that was fun to read.

I hope you will keep writing really fun things to read, so I may have to time to read and review your work again. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




4revgreen says...


Aha, thank you for the review! I actually meant that he had a really red face but I can see where that would be confusing, so I might go back and change it.





Oh, okay! XD I understand now. Thanks for pointing that out.



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6 Reviews


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Sat Apr 06, 2019 2:12 pm
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WildBloomer wrote a review...



Hi @4revgreen I am here to do a maybe quick review on your work here, okay so I am a big fan of the movies of James Bond so I am really keen to see, what this is like

"Best spy in the world," Mr Bond now preferred "The best PIE in the world,"
Lol this bit was so funny to read I just laughed, this beginning bits really good, I am getting a lot of description here, and I can all ready see an image forming in my head.

He padded painfully slowly over to the front of his car where he discovered, to his stomachs dismay, a completely flattened child.
Oh my gosh I all most started crying at this bit it was so upsetting, to read. I mean there are never more upsetting things then some one or something dying or being killed.

re-enacting classics such as Beyonce's "Single Ladies,".

I listen to Single Ladies a lot so this bit made a lot of sense and was quite funny and kind of nerve raking.

The officer, who was only doing his job, seemed relatively confused when he saw the fat man in a too small suit standing in the middle of the road, but cheerily approached him like a predator would in a dark alleyway.
This line is grate, but I just have one nit pick so far out of the hole thing, it is that, I feel like this does not have a nufe full stops and just a lot of commas, that's just one thing that I can say about this that was sticking out to me all the time.

"I'm – oh, Well," He stated "Well, well, what do we have here then?"
so the next bit of this line was like a true thing for a police to say I am sorry but really that was just to true.

Hello, Well Well," Mr Bond gulped "I'm Jond, Bames Jond, wait I mean James Bond - and uh," but he couldn't think of what to say.
This was yet another really, really funny line to read.

And that, children, is how Mr JJ Bond got the nick name of double Oh seven
Lol this is really a good way to end this.

So really I think this was just to true and really funny to read, I look forward to reading more of your work. :D

@WildBloomer out to pas the love of the flowers




4revgreen says...


Thank you so much for the review :-) I'm glad you found it funny! I don't usually write funny things so it's nice to see someone likes it



WildBloomer says...


Good to no that you liked this review. :D




Poems were like people. Some people you got right off the bat. Some people you just don't get - and never would get.
— Benjamin Alire Saenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe