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18+ Language Violence

Broken glass

by 4revgreen


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

My home is filled with broken fucking glass and I just jumped into it with bare feet, voluntarily. I knew what was coming and yet I still put my feet down. Blood trickles from my wounds and I limp to a conclusion; I am an animal. Not any kind of animal, but one that doesn’t mind broken fucking glass and pulls out the shards like nothing. A predatory beast who blends right in with the scenery, not noticed by the prey right up until the moment of attack. I just haven’t attacked yet.

The glass shards scatter the floor of the bunker and I hit out, slamming my fist into the concrete walls with a cry, the newspaper article at my feet. The concrete is hard, no shit, and my knuckles are bleeding. The real injury distracts me from the glass that I’m pulling out with my shaking fingers as I slide down the wall onto the floor. A gust of wind blows through the makeshift chimney and the newspaper flies upwards. It’s grabbed by a hand, presumably my own, and pulled towards a still beating heart.

I know what it says. I know who it’s about. I know why my mum didn’t want me to see it.

Next to me is the past. In front of me is the looming future, towering over me with an uncertainty tainting the possibilities. Would I end up as the headline, or would I become the editor, on a shattered computer, waiting to be the writer?

The ink from the article seeps through my cold skin and into my lungs, each breath reminding me of my heritage, the weight of what I could become pushing down on my ribs as the words really began to circulate within my system.

There are still shards of glass in my feet, buried deep under fast healing skin. Pulling them out would result in open wounds I don't want to infect.

“I was only 17,” the wind whispered to me from outside, forcing it's way in “17 years of innocence doesn't equate to two hours of torture,”

The dirt crawled through the cracks in the bricks and suffocated my throat “This is what happened to me, buried underneath the worms and the filth, choking and spluttering, spluttering and choking and dead dead dead,”

My lungs expand with the weight of the dirt as I choke and splutter like she did. Cold hands touch the hard, stone floor and my knees scrape over the stray rocks. My throat contracts, forcing up the dirt and the realisations. The newspaper flutters in a sudden gust of wind, drifting just out of my reach, towards the door and the steps and the outside and the rest of the victims of my paternal side.

A single, selfish warm tear rolls down my frozen face. I'm scared for myself, for what I am capable of. The glass shards on the ground pierce my hands and knees as I crawl towards the door, leaving a trail of blood and anger behind me. I'm not crying for them, I'm crying for me. They're already dead and I'm still breathing, every second is torture, not knowing if I will smash the mirror into shards of glass myself, or let someone else. 


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87 Reviews


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Thu Mar 07, 2019 2:10 pm
TheMulticoloredCyr wrote a review...



Hello, hello, wasup? Yeah, okay, I'll skip on my regular format (pragraph by paragraph with my general thoughts at the end) because it really doesn't work all that well for a work like this, at least, the way that I use it, and just give my general opinions.

I will first complement you on your imagry and your use of purple prose to create a stunning picture in the minds of your readers. You really did do a great job on that front.

Okay, I'm done being nice.

I have no problem with swearing. I swear like a sailor myself (when not in the presence of athority figures), but here it does nothing for the piece. Every time a swear word is put into a sentence, either on its own, between words, or in the middle of a word, it creates a sort of pause that breaks up the flow of the words. This can be good, in the same way that perfectly smooth brushstrokes are not always a painter's goal, but where the goal is to create vivd images and feelings, swearwords can only serve to hurt the final product. There are and will always be exceptions, but this is not one.

Also, on the topic of your imagery and word choice, your constant remiders of the blood, the glass, the injury, are necessary in some places, but in a few (and I mean very few, this wasn't a very big problem) your reminding us, the readers, of those things took away from whatever new piece of imagery you were adding to the scene.

Overall, it was a great peice. Not without flaws, but those that I could see were few and, well, not far between due to the general shortness of the piece, but certainly few. Wonderful job.




4revgreen says...


thank you for the review :-) it means a lot. The only reason i used swearing was because this was originally going to be the start of a longer story, where the protagonist was a very angry and disturbed individual, but I do see your point. Thank you again





You're very welcome.



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188 Reviews


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Wed Mar 06, 2019 5:51 pm
LadyBug wrote a review...



I really enjoyed this! The first part where she jumped into the broken glass made me cringe and made me want to read more at the same time. I think that was an awesome opening to the story! The plot was clear and well written, you had my attention for the beginning to end, and I think your writing has improved since the first one I saw by you, the Rev Green. I felt I was there too, living through the story.

What I would suggest is maybe proofreading once more, I saw one or two grammar mistakes. And maybe making it flow a bit more and maybe transitioning the story a bit.

Other than that it was totally amazing and the cliffhanger you left me on was cruel :P. Good luck and keep writing! I can't wait to read more by you!

Jade




4revgreen says...


thank you so much! it means so, so much! and yeah i've never been the best proof reader :-)



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Tue Mar 05, 2019 4:28 pm
FireSpyGirl wrote a review...



Hi there!
This is good! It is well written and well formatted. You did a really good job writing this. I especially love the mystery.

"Next to me is the past. In front of me is the looming future, towering over me with an uncertainty tainting the possibilities. Would I end up as the headline, or would I become the editor, on a shattered computer, waiting to be the writer?

The ink from the article seeps through my cold skin and into my lungs, each breath reminding me of my heritage, the weight of what I could become pushing down on my ribs as the words really began to circulate within my system."

This part is my favorite. The mystery in those two paragraphs, the imagery, the description...I love it!




4revgreen says...


thank you so much! It honestly really means a lot to me :-)



FireSpyGirl says...


:) Will you please tag me when you write more?



4revgreen says...


of course :-) I have a wattpad account with a lot of my stories already on there if you want to see them



FireSpyGirl says...


I have one to!! XD. I would love to see them, if I can remember how to get into mine....XD



4revgreen says...


my username is gayboyscience XD



FireSpyGirl says...


Mine is Rosenliz41



4revgreen says...


just followed you :-) it'd be super amazing if maybe you could leave some reviews on my stuff on there, if you ever get the time :-) t



FireSpyGirl says...


I'll do my best!




Hearing these stories makes me realize that I never did anything with my childhood.
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