I wrote this as an expression of thanks to the YWS and its members for being so supportive of my work and everybody else's work. Some lines are simply there because they rhyme while others are there for power and meaning.
Creativity has been drained away,
Endless hordes of mindless drones,
Sit at their computer every day,
Forever on Facebook and never leaving home.
But not here.
Big brother spitting out more,
Perfect role models for those with closed minds.
Social status has become the law,
Talent is a power that was left behind.
But not here.
Is today the vision that once made us shudder?
What happened to caring souls?
It’s dog eat dog, never care for another.
Brilliance and vision is forced down a hole.
But not here.
I find it hard to make new friends,
People seem too different to me,
They all follow the new trend,
Don’t even know what they want too be.
But not here.
Here anybody can stretch their mind,
Here we find support in the smallest things,
Just a simple statement that I find kind,
Makes me want to spread my wings.
I feel at home here.
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I liked this. I loved the way you said "But not here" for 4 stanzas and then you changed it to "I feel at home here". It just hits you in the face *slap sound*.
I also like the fact that you actually *thought* about YWS, lol. SO yeah, I want to read more works of art from you.
P.S. Gold star, definitely!
Hello mathais,
I can seeeeeeeeeeeeee you
I like ur poem
2 be honest, I knew that the "but not here" didn't flow very well but I don't really like writing poetry much and i didn't write it to be good, just as an expression.
Decided to check out Lyric poetry. Glad I did.
So, I really liked most of this, but in most cases, I found the "but not here" repetitive and something that stopped the really good flow. I would nix it from the end of every paragraph, and just put it as it's own line before the praise of YWS.
Other then that I really, really liked this and found it hit the nail on the head!
If you have any questions, send me a PM.
~Rosey
I have to say that it's nice to see a poem that is positive instead of gloomy like most of the stuff on this site.
The "But not here" repetition is cool. I like how that flows.
Oh yeah, I didn't mean the YWS big brother or the 1984 one, but the one that produced people like Chantelle. If I had thought of the YWS big brother I might have said celebrity big brother or changed the line. To be honest I was really worried that people would tell me I'm being weird writing this but I love the feeling of being in a group with people from all over who all share one passion and talent. Before it made me feel kinda alienated. Thanks for the comment
Eek! *flattered*
Plus, I sort of fail at poetry, lol. But I did want to comment and say that I read this!
I don't really want to comment on the style of the poem, just because I'm afraid I'm too biased, being completely obsessed with this site, you know?
Anyway, is this an intentional play on words?
I ask because the moderators of YWS (geep, myself included!) are in a moderating group called "Big Brother." At first I thought you meant us, and then it looked like you were talking about the 1984 Big Brother sort of thing.
Just wondering.
Thank you. It's appreciated.
Want to be. Don't forget: "too" is also. It never means anything else.
A comma really isn't the best ending for this line. Try "I find it hard to make new friends.
They all seem so different to me."
That was a good read. It's nice to know people get something out of this site.