Young Writers Society

Hey there, Senshi! I’m here to review for you!

The Illiturate Alliterist arrested a rhyme that rang loud proud strong over a crowd of booming beluminous belloing bellowers.

I’m not sure if you spelled this wrong on purpose or not, but Illiturate should be *Illiterate – unless it’s one of those spelling differences that are present in Canada and British English. I’m not sure. The first sentence is oddly entertaining though, I like it.

As for your use of words that don’t exists, I’d rather you took on the challenge of finding real words to match your alliteration. It would make this more interesting & understandable as well as realistic and if you have time to give this piece more of your attention, I suggest you do that. ^^

However, because you gave the protagonist the name of ‘illiterate’ alliterist, it kind of works to have messed up words that don’t make sense because of the ‘illiterate’ aspect of this. Written in his perspective, of course he wouldn’t be able to make sense of correct alliteration by using real words because he’s uneducated – illiterate. So, with that point taken, this makes it difficult to really conjure a stand point. I’m conflicted in whether or not using right words is better than made up words, lol.

the Rhymer is out to seek revenge after feeling regret and disgrace after despairing your house, the damned intruiger him

*Intriguer? I don’t think there’s a need to spell this incorrectly.

Overall, I find this piece quite entertaining. I wish there was an end to how our little Illiterate Alliterist dealt with his brother the Rhymer and this “Intriguer” though. It seems like the story was cut short with no resolution. Perhaps you can further this little experiment of yours?

Keep writing and sorry if this review wasn’t very helpful. I did like the story but if the story doesn’t have a solid ending, it’s hard to really put all the pieces together. It’s like a puzzle with a few missing pieces. You can’t tell what the picture is but it’s incomplete. Do let me know if you need anything else though and even drop me another request if you finish this story, I’ll be happy to read the complete version of this.

All the best,
-Pink