- I got really bored one day and started writing, don't judge me.
ATTENTION! Some of the words/phrases in this passage are not real words, I AM VERY SORRY. Please contain yourselves. -
The Alliterist
The Illiturate Alliterist arrested a rhyme that rang loud proud strong over a crowd of booming beluminous belloing bellowers. He congenially costuosly conjured a big black bird that bickered and bellowed at the pestering patrons, "Back, Before, Behind!" he screamed as he besmirched the authority of his author.
Afterforth the Alliterest ceremoniously returned to his soforth sanctioned shack of a dwelling. Whereupon he wondered wistfully through a white speckled forest of wonderence. Whispering to himself as well as the bird as he wondered wonderously.
What a merry damned depressing day? He thought to himself.
Why must the gods expunge the extent of their anger upon me the Illiturate Alliterist?
Tis not the gods whom toil and tousle upon the towering heavans that hate you so my dear Alliterist, I suggest foul play!
What? The Alliterist questioned.
Who? Why? When? For What reason would someone wish harm upon me the Alliterist?
Perhaps the envious interloping meddling intriguer that you once called brother.
The Rhymer? My brother whom besmirched the being of my family and is now traveling the wild windy seas in his big blue boat?
Indeed my dear Alliterist, the Rhymer is out to seek revenge after feeling regret and disgrace after despairing your house, the damned intruiger him. Hoping to burn that sorry soul of his.
Hey there, Senshi! I’m here to review for you!
I’m not sure if you spelled this wrong on purpose or not, but Illiturate should be *Illiterate – unless it’s one of those spelling differences that are present in Canada and British English. I’m not sure. The first sentence is oddly entertaining though, I like it.
As for your use of words that don’t exists, I’d rather you took on the challenge of finding real words to match your alliteration. It would make this more interesting & understandable as well as realistic and if you have time to give this piece more of your attention, I suggest you do that. ^^
However, because you gave the protagonist the name of ‘illiterate’ alliterist, it kind of works to have messed up words that don’t make sense because of the ‘illiterate’ aspect of this. Written in his perspective, of course he wouldn’t be able to make sense of correct alliteration by using real words because he’s uneducated – illiterate. So, with that point taken, this makes it difficult to really conjure a stand point. I’m conflicted in whether or not using right words is better than made up words, lol.
*Intriguer? I don’t think there’s a need to spell this incorrectly.
Overall, I find this piece quite entertaining. I wish there was an end to how our little Illiterate Alliterist dealt with his brother the Rhymer and this “Intriguer” though. It seems like the story was cut short with no resolution. Perhaps you can further this little experiment of yours?
Keep writing and sorry if this review wasn’t very helpful. I did like the story but if the story doesn’t have a solid ending, it’s hard to really put all the pieces together. It’s like a puzzle with a few missing pieces. You can’t tell what the picture is but it’s incomplete. Do let me know if you need anything else though and even drop me another request if you finish this story, I’ll be happy to read the complete version of this.
All the best,
-Pink
You have such an affinity for words (or non-words?)!!! This technically is not a poem, but I'm reviewing it anyway because it was so much fun to read! Okay, so I am totally lost on the plot/character/setting elements, so you might want to develop those a little bit more (or at least the setting). The dialouge was great, but it could have used quotations. I loved how you used words with the same firsr letter in a sentence; it flowed so nicely! If you had a plot for this, it could be amazing! Keep it up!
Wow! This is something wholly new and strange! I loved it. I instinctively started whispering the tongue-entwining phrases and grinning at some choice passages.
Just check your spelling for "alliterist" and "illiterate", because it isn't constant throughout the piece. And in the last paragraph, "intruiger" can be made "intriguant", which is an existing word. "Belloing" should be "bellowing". "Heavans" should be "heavens". I also think that the "whom" in that same paragraph ought to be "who".
Otherwise I really enjoyed this piece and hope to read more of you soon.
Keep the ink flowing!
Woah. Very detailed. I like how you used tounge twisters. I was reading it out loud and kept saying it wrong. XD.