Young Writers Society

Ooh! Feels like a song to me!
Okay, down to business:

To be honest, there really isn't much wrong with this poem. There are some technical things (that I could totally overlook, given that the content makes up for it) like punctuation. I would understand not using commas in the right place if the rest of the poem was consistent to that, but it's not, so that means you gotta put those commas where those commas belong!

As for the CONTENT: I really enjoyed how you combined life passing by with love. Because that's just how it is, isn't it? I'm really glad this isn't one of those poems where there's no happy ending. I liked the smile I had by the last line. Very nice -a hundred kudos to you!

Wow! In this poem, you have combined two different topics: life and love. Although they are related, it is confusing figuring out the message(s) that you wish the reader to take away from this poem. However, it was very visual. You did a great job of painting a picture of each of the different stages in life: kissing in the rain, proposing, etc. However, you mentioned heartache and loss in the middle of the poem, and you say "she is always there in the end". Then you use the pronoun "she" again to describe "the one" later in the poem. Maybe you could explain how heartache and loss shaped a life and makes a person more grateful for love in the end. Also, it had punctuation in some parts, but not in other parts. I would consider revising that. Overall, it was great. I could feel the emotion in this poem, and that is what poetry is about--emotion.

OH MY GOD! I was crying! It's amazing Vamp! It's so emotional and it's like you've already lived the moment! Great job!

Totally agree with tgirly's post! Great job!

Oh, I love it! So romantic and beautiful; I feel like I just watched the most emotional parts of someone's life flash before my eyes. My only critic is the flow at the beginning of the poem is a bit rough, but other than that, it's really good.