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137,940 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hello there, @DreamGalaxy! Though you will likely never see this, congrats on being my 75th review!
My first impression is that you are a really skilled poet when it comes to rhythm and rhyme. If I could keep a beat half as well as you do, I'd be proud of myself forevermore!
Apart from a minor spelling error with "becomes" in the Second Stanza, there are no grammatical errors that need to be fixed here!
I really love this poem! You are extremely skilled, and I'll have to check out your others sometime!
Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!
A pretty flower laced with the light of gold
I really enjoyed the stanza especially the imagery of the world sharing the light of the moon. That's what I always think about when I stare at the moon.
whispering the secrets of the old ---- the secrets of old... if you say the old it sounds like theres something this age is descibing
softer and softer, until the sun falls away, you have an extra space after the first softer
'til should be written like this
2nd stanza - becomes you put a V in it
I do enjoy the ending but its a little confusing to me. I guess the secret of old is some kind of pure enjoyment in the moonlight but saying its their darkest will makes it seem kind of evil personification of the flowers.