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140,764 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
it's a very beautiful poem. It's also very well written. You should be very proud of yourself, you definitely have talent.
This is so simple and sweet with an air of underlying passion that I loved. Your tone and voice is quite natural (not forced like in some poetry I've read, and in some I've even written myself). I usually can't stand it when the rhythm of a piece is not precise, but although yours was off, it was kind of quirky and somehow acceptable and I really liked it. I do have one bit of constructive critique though: with poetry, the beginning of each line should be capitalized, and there's no punctuation in here either which I found a bit odd. I'm ok with no punctuation in lyrics, but I usually like to see it in regular poetry. Sorry, that's just the grammar Nazi in me showing its teeth. Change it if you want to, but don't feel obligated to just because I'm OCD about it.
I never punctuate my lyrics so I'm not really one to speak. But you feel free to do whatever you want with that bit of critique. All in all, you have a gem here and I really like your style!
~Jess
I really tried, I really tried to add in commas, but half way through, I thought they made my poem look really ugly. So I decided against it, but hey, It's got Capitals!
I don't see much (if any) flaw in your poetry.
Guess the only thing I can really say is that I enjoyed it.
Not much for romantic-type things, personally, but I did like the flow of it - How every line seemed to fit. Seemed to create a story right before my eyes (So to speak).
Keep it up. Your work hasn't gone to waste; I can tell yea that much.
Was extremely difficult to write, tried to capture bits of reality and romantic fantasy.