jehan. free verse
Alright, Ventomology! It’s Kara here for a hopefully quick review! I’m listening to my pump-up music and feel like reviewing, so why not? I’m going to do the review much like Lightsong in the way how I’ll go through one stanza at a time, okay? Just warning you before you think that I’m copying Lightsong, since that I actually do review like this. I might also get a bit blunt and rude, so I apologize ahead of time. I’m not the greatest at sugar-coating reviews. Just know that you don’t have to take my advice
you in your bowtie
Hi! I'm here to leave a short review. 1st stanza: So the first line is good. Sufficiently interesting, if I may say so myself. The action and description is laid out neatly, and sets up for something that is adventurous and whatnot. My only nitpick is the part where you said 'you take my hand', then followed it with 'fingers fitting into...' It just seems redundant to me. Pick one; take my hand, or fingers fitting. Preciseness is key.2nd stanza: With the departure of fairy to prince, the atmosphere of of the poem changes a little bit. The part until royalty still maintains the theme of spending time together in private, but the part in the backyard makes me turn back to the 'you are a prince part' to see how prancing with garden tools fit in the narrative. I'd suggest to introduce the energy that comes from the prancing right at the start of the stanza.3rd stanza: At this point I think I can pinpoint something that I feel off from this poem. When I read herald, I imagine someone that comes from the ancient time, wearing ancient garments with ancient ways of showing manners. The gold and silver horns work with what I've envisioned, but the black concert dress and bowtie clash with the imagination. It feels like all this imagery is put together without any cohesion.4th stanza: No issue with this one. I love how you depict his actions as an artist. I can relate with the admiration that comes from seeing someone who's so passionate about his work that you want to be just like him. I'm confused about the part where the freckled actor-boy comes in though. I don't know what you're trying to deliver there, so perhaps some enlightenment? ^^'5th stanza: Love, love, love this grand description of being a scholar. To be paraded as if you're royalty, 'glorious and imperial'. What a way to elevate the status of a scholar to where it should be. The second part is bitter-sweet - I wonder what happens to 'you'.6th stanza: I would say this is less transparent than the other stanzas in the sense where I have to think how exactly the persona is portrayed as a queen. I guess the idea of having ownership of yourself, and the idead that you can lead others in ways that don't need to be authoritative, is sufficient for you to be queen - a ruler. I would like it if there's an elaboration in this stanza because the message isn't strong enough.All in all, this is a lovely poem. The words used are tender and smooth, and the magical feeling that comes with this poem is refreshing. Creativity is definitely put to maximum use here. Kudos!
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