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The New Generation--Chapter 16: Hope

by erilea


       With a groan, Leia sat back on her heels and arched her back. "You guys haven't found anything yet, have you?" She asked, looking at her companions. They all shook their heads.

       "I would've told you guys if I did," Bianca said. 

    Even though they had been hopeful when Sammy suggested the Fields of Asphodel as a searching place, now she wondered if it was such a good idea. They'd been searching for an extremely long time, and they were all fed up. Besides, Leia's back was practically breaking every time she bent over.

     "Look, I think we should give up. I hate to disappoint you, Sammy, but maybe you haven't inherited your mom's power. Whatever we're looking for, it doesn't seem to be here," said Silena. Leia nodded in agreement. Even the mysterious wren that had helped them earlier wasn't here, having conveniently flown off.

      Still, Sammy looked pretty desperate, and Leia wanted to keep her group out of hysterics. "Just one more minute, and we can go," she said. Silena glared at her, seemingly wanting to mutiny. Leia tried to ignore her and turned to face the others.

      "If we can't find anything in here, then we can go confront Hades. But try not to get yourself killed," she added. "Just tell him that we couldn't find anything and ask permission to leave. Now, make the most of the minute that we have left and search." 

       Bianca agreeably started delving through a thick clump of white flowers, and after a few seconds Festus reluctantly joined. Sammy had eagerly plunged in and was covering many flowers at a time, happy that Leia had granted him extra time. Silena huffed and began looking again.

      But soon the minute passed, and they had found nothing. With a relieved sigh Silena got up and waved her hand at the rest of them. "Come on, guys, we have to go ask Hades to leave."

     Sammy, with a desolate countenance, slowly rose up with Festus. Festus, however, seemed more determined, and shrugged off Sammy's hand. Then he dove back down and frantically dug through the asphodel.

     "Come on!" shouted Silena, yanking Festus up. Festus yelped and fell, landing on a cushion of flowers. 

     "I didn't go on this quest so you could beat me up, lady! Use someone else as your punching bag," Festus cried indignantly.

      "Well, punching bags are a lot better when they're someone I can pick on easily."

       "We've got to--" Sammy began, but he was quickly cut off as he stared at something behind Festus.

      Leia gasped. The air behind Festus was now shimmering, wavering as if something had distorted it. Before she could say anything, a small circle appeared in front of her. Silena yanked Festus away and warily looked at the circle, weapon ready.

      "What's with all the battering, Silena?" grumbled Festus, picking flower petals off his sleeves. She ignored him and glanced at Leia, asking with her eyes what the circle was. She shrugged. Honestly, Leia had no idea.

      But soon her question was answered. The circle expanded, twisting around and around as it did so. Now it was more like a large oval. It hovered a few inches above the flowers, the insides now warping and twisting so that the surface was never still. Leia stared in amazement at it.

      "What is that?" wondered Sammy, his eyes reflecting back the swirling pattern of the oval. 

      No one answered him.

     Bianca, however, stepped forward and reached out as if to touch the oval. Sammy grabbed her outstretched arm and pulled her a few feet away. "Don't, Bianca! The thing might be dangerous!"

    Festus payed no heed to his warnings, though, and ran forward. He tried to touch the ever-changing surface of the oval, but instead his hand went right through. Festus stared in awe at his cut-off forearm.

     Silena shrieked, but Leia's heart was pounding so loud that almost didn't notice. The swirling could only mean one thing.

     "This might be our only hope," she said to the others. "Let's go in."

              


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Sun May 29, 2016 8:46 pm
Rydia wrote a review...



Hey there ^^

Specifics

1.

"Look, I think we should give up. I hate to down your hopes, Sammy, but maybe you haven't inherited your mom's power. Whatever we're looking for, it doesn't seem to be here," said Silena.
I think down your hopes sounds a little weird. Maybe it should be something like, 'I hate to disappoint you' or 'I don't want to be the one to say it but'.

2.
Bianca agreeably started delving through a thick clump of white flowers, and after a few seconds Festus reluctantly joined. Sammy had eagerly plunged in and was covering many flowers at a time, happy that Leia had granted him exterm extra time. Silena huffed and began looking again.


3.
Festus payed paid no heed to his warnings, though, and ran forward.
Payed is usually used in relation to money.

4.
Silena shrieked, but Leia's heart was pounding so loud that shealmost didn't notice. The swirling could only mean one thing.


Overall

There's not as much fun dialogue in this chapter as the other I read but that may be because Festus doesn't get many lines but it's a shame! The conversations feel a bit flat and that makes the emotions in this part less strong. I don't really feel the sadness or frustration, except perhaps from Silena.

There's some nice plot advancement though and the description of the portal is nice. Maybe a few little pieces more of description of the kind of things they're digging through would be good, especially if you can include a bit more on sound or touch. What do the objects sound like as they're thrown one on top of another and what do they feel like? Smooth metals or jagged rocks etc.

Also, maybe don't end the chapter there - I think it would be more interesting to see the other characters' reactions to the suggestion. Does Silena think it's a terrible idea? Is everyone else up for it or are they a little nervous too? Why has nobody asked Festus what it feels like yet? And why hasnt he pretended he can't feel his arm any more - he seems a bit of a prankster from the other part I read so I'm surprised that wasn't his first response.

Thanks for the read!

~Heather




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Sun Apr 03, 2016 10:24 pm
KaiRyu wrote a review...



Yolo peoples!!!!!! LadyRanicorn here for another AMAZING review!!!!!

So, I just picked this chapter up without reading the other chapters. So I'm sorry if I ask any unnecessary questions, okay??? I love it. I love everything about it. Okay so what I liked about it is the Percy Jackson theme.

Some questions now. So, this part didn't really make any since "Festus stared in awe at his cut-off forearm." How could he stair if you said yourself that he was cut off?? That just really confuses me. Please work on that part.

What I like about this chapter is how brave that they're acting, going to confront Hades and all that, or maybe this is how they act all the time. I don't know!! :P

Another question that I have is why were they in the Underworld in the first place??? I know that this question, like all of the others, can be answered in the other chapters, but I had to ask. This is it for now, until next time, LadyRanicorn out!!!!!




erilea says...


What I meant was that he stared at the general area, kind of amazed at how it was actually cut off. Thanks!



KaiRyu says...


You be welcome!!!!




In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
— Robert Frost