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Knight In Shining Armor - Chapter 2

by FiguringOutLife


As soon as I heard the front door slam shut, I screamed in frustration. I knew I shouldn't have trusted Genevive! It was because of her that I was in this mess now! I hit the door with my fist and then slumped down next to it. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, holding myself tightly. 

I looked at the room I was trapped in, searching for something to help me escape. There was a bed to the left wall and a dresser to the right. The flooring was wooden and showed years of wear and tear.

I hopped off the ground quickly and walked over to the dresser, looking through it's contents. In the several drawers it had, there was absolutely nothing. I slammed the drawers shut one after the other in frustration and turned my attention to the bed. It was tall and wooden with black blankets and pillows, but I paid no attention to what was on the bed. Instead, I knelt down and searched underneath for something- anything- to help me. When I found nothing, I stood up and looked around the room once again. This time I noticed a small window on the farthest wall. I walked over to it and peered outside, looking for someone to help me.

The area outside the window was an abandoned alleyway and held no signs of life.

I held back another scream and leaned against the wall in defeat. I wasn't giving up on getting out of here, but there was nothing I could do at the moment. I simply had to wait until Alexander got home or someone came next to the window.



Several hours had passed, and I must have fallen asleep in my position next to the wall. For when I awoke, the light in the room was quickly fading to darkness. I looked around the bedroom and wiped the drowsiness from my eyes, when I stopped mid-breath.

The door across the small room was open, and inside the frame stood Alexander. He was leaning on his side against the wall with his arms crossed in front of him, half smirking and half glaring at me.

His expression caught me off guard, and I stood still on the floor, waiting for him to say something. When he didn't, I slowly stood up and dusted off my dress. I put an icy calm expression on my face and walked over to him, my goal to get through the doorway. Not surprisingly, when I reached the door and tried to push past him, he held out his arm and blocked the doorway. I held my composure and looked up to him, meeting his glare. 

"How was your day, Grace?" He said my fake name with acid.

I sighed and walked away from him, knowing he wasn't letting me out of the room anytime soon. I met his questions with mock excitement.

"Oh, my lord! You'll never believe the wondrous day I've had." My voice dripped with sarcasm and I could tell Alexander wasn't pleased with it. "I toured the city and had lunch with the king. It was absolutely stunning." 

What ailed him anyway? He left it an absolutely wonderful mood, and now his dark stare wouldn't leave me alone.

I went back to my spot at the far wall and slid down to sit on the floor. The entire time, Alexander's eyes glared at me. Minutes of tense silence passed between us before I finally broke it.

"Please, do tell me, why is it that you've had that sour look on your face this entire time?" My voice was light, and I kept my expression the same. I didn't want him to think I actually cared.

He responded in a dark tone. "Oh, dear me. Let's see. Perhaps it is because I attended a certain someone's trial today who seemed convinced that your name is Angelique?" He paused and glared at my amused face. "Now, do tell me, where would she get an idea as preposterous as that?" 

I smirked at Alexander's anger at finding out my lie. Yes, I told him my name was Grace, just like I told any other commoner. The only ones who knew my real name were fellow thieves I associated myself with. I realized now, that even that was a mistake.

"Angelique? Now, that name does seem familiar." I sarcastically spoke to him, relishing in his confusion. 

Alexander grew angrier and strode across the room towards me. Once next to me, he took my arm and lifted me up next to him. I fought in his grasp and screamed in protest, but his grip held firm. 

"You will tell me the truth. What's your name?" Alexander growled in my face and took my other arm in his hand. He held me threateningly against the wall, crushing the air out of me.

I tried to ignore the pain he was causing me and responded sarcastically. "But my Lord! I already told you my name was Grace!" I paused and tried to catch breath that was being forced out of my lungs. "How could you forget after so kindly helping me home the other night?" 

Alexander pushed closer into me, abandoning all concepts of personal space. "You listen closely, Angelique." As he said my name his voice dripped with venom. "I am no fool. And I will not be spoken to like an ignorant man!"

I devilishly grinned at him, mocking what he claimed. "If you are no fool, then why would you fall for a simple thieve's trickery?"

Alexander stepped back an inch and brought his hand up. Before I knew it, his hand was coming down across my face. The slap echoed through the small room and left me stunned.

Never, in my life, had I been hit. 

I brought my hand up to my cheek, and glared ferociously at Alexander's fuming frame. My rage burned within me and threatened to erupt, destroying everything in it's path. How dare he hit me. How dare he have the audacity to think I was inferior to him. 

I felt a burning heat emerge from within me and grow until it was bursting underneath my skin. At that moment, I knew all I had to do was let my rage overcome me, and my troubles would be solved. I looked up to Alexander once more and saw a hint of fear in his eyes as he looked down at me. 

I don't know why, but suddenly the power within me started to subside. As I looked into that arrogant man's scared expression, something within me shut off. 

When the anger inside me was gone, I slumped to the ground in defeat. I was exhausted, and didn't feel like standing up to Alexander anymore. I sat on the hardwood floor with my head in my knees, breathing heavily.

Alexander's voice echoed in the room around me. "You need to learn your place. Don't forget, I could have you executed for your crimes."

He spit on the ground next to me and walked out of the room. 

I sat in my position for what felt like forever. I didn't have the energy, or the motivation to move. That was the closest I had come to unleashing the bubbling powers within me, in a long time. I forgot how exhausting it was. 

It's not like I had ever let myself fully lose control. There had been countless times I felt the boiling rage threaten to erupt, but each time I was too scared to let go. I had no idea what would happen if I did.

After I gained a little energy, I lifted myself off the ground and slowly walked to the bed. I slipped underneath it's blankets and sheets and felt myself engulfed in their warmth. As I drifted off, what I thought were just dreams crept into my slumber. 



"Why should I help him? He's nothing but a filthy piece of scum!" I screamed in protest to my mother.

I looked across the way at the bully in front of me. His leg was broken and he was crying uncontrollably from the pain. I remembered as I watched this boy tease another girl, then fall of the swing while jeering at her. I always watched this bully torment other children, and always wondered why his mother never taught him otherwise.

My own mother's beautiful voice came to my ears. "Because, darling, he is in pain. I'm sure you can talk to him about how he treats other's once you've healed him."

I looked at the boy once more and my heart softened a little as another tear rolled down his cheek. I still felt resentment however, and protested to my mother once again. "Why can't you do it?" I whined.

"Angelique. You know it is your place to help this poor child. it's the order of things around here." She rubbed the long black hair on my head and gently pushed me forward.

I walked until I reached the now abandoned play ground. Once this boy came, all the other children left in fear of him.

Once I reached the boy, I knelt down next to him, sighing.

"Where does it hurt?" My tone was monotonous and unfeeling. I still had no desire to help him.

The boy cried pitifully and reached down to point to his leg. I looked at it and spoke again, this time with a little more sympathy in wake of his cries. "I'm going to help you." 

I brought my hands down to his leg and gently laid them atop his broken bone. I felt a warm power emerge from within me, and threaten to burst underneath my skin. Instead of containing it, I let out a breath and the heat flowed from my fingers. The aura from inside of me spread from my hands and onto the boys broken leg. It glowed like the setting sun and the boy cried harder, until suddenly he stopped.

His leg was healed and my powers were subsiding to reside within me once more. As I felt the rest of them return, I let out another sigh, this time out of exhaustion.

I fell to my side but was caught by two small arms. They held me up steadily and gently caressed me into relaxation. I recognized the boy's voice as he spoke to me. "Thank you. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you." I felt a tear from him escape onto my shoulder and trickle down.



Soon enough my mother was at my side and lifting me off the ground. She picked me up and carried me gently, while whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Right before I fell asleep, I heard her whisper to me.

"You did wonderfully, my darling."


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Thu Jul 03, 2014 2:37 pm
Brunnera wrote a review...



Hello there~ Here to review on the second chapter as I promised xD

I shall start with nitpicks:

" I knew I shouldn't have trusted Genevive! It was because of her that I was in this mess now! I hit the door with my fist and then slumped down next to it. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, holding myself tightly. "

The first two sentences-- the ones with exclamation marks-- should be in italic, in my opinion. This was more or less a thought to herself than to the readers, and I think it would be much more impact if it was in italic form.

" I brought my hand up to my cheek, and glared ferociously at Alexander's fuming frame. My rage burned within me and threatened to erupt, destroying everything in it's path. How dare he hit me. How dare he have the audacity to think I was inferior to him. "

There were two issues with this part. First, is that the last two sentences should be in italic, and exclamation marks, maybe-- I mean, she's so angry, the rage is burning within her, right? Besides, with the anger describes immensely, the italic thoughts would be much more powerful and flow nicely, adding pressure to the thoughts of him violating her in a way.

" "If you are no fool, then why would you fall for a simple thieve's trickery?" "

"thieve's" doesn't exist. "thief's" is what you meant to write.

Okay, here's where the nitpicks get a bit tricky...if you increase your vocabulary and add more interesting words, the chapter wouldn't lack...well, not that I'm saying it's lacking or anything. But from the point of word usage, the language is pretty dull and common. You should spice it up, like...for example....

" I looked at the room I was trapped in, searching for something to help me escape. There was a bed to the left wall and a dresser to the right. The flooring was wooden and showed years of wear and tear.

You could fix it up to : "I scanned the room I was trapped in, hoping to find something to help me escape. A bed sat to the left wall whereas a dresser was to the right. The wooden flooring hinted years of wear and tear."
Throughout the story, many parts could be fixed up to spice it up a little, and to make it more interesting. This really isn't something easy to do, but expanding your reading circle and getting advice on creative writing is sure to help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay then...I'll get on to what I thought about this!

First, I noticed how much shorter it was compared to the previous one, but that really doesn't matter. It was a really good chapter, anyway!

Like when Angelique was so busy finding for something to help her escape. It conveyed her desperation, the frustrating feeling of being helpless and unable to do anything, the disappointment in the air, the anticipation by the window...all of these hidden meanings are indirectly sent to the reader whether it is realized or not, and that's what is so nice about it.

It was very much amusing when she replied to Alexander with sarcasm! It just showed she still had the fight in her, and she still had the humanity in her, and just like everybody else, she was disgusted by her 'master' and liked to make him irritated. I couldn't prevent the smile on my face. Had lunch with the king? Genius!

Oh, and the anger she felt when he hit him-- well described! Though it would be much more powerful if you fixed it up according to my advice ;)

I also liked how you included the fear in his eyes. It would just be unlike a man to not be scared of hitting a woman. The humanity and realism was excellent...it just delivers the fact he has a heart and conscience.

The flashback was especially meaningful...so she has powers, eh? And when the first part is included, I believe Angelique has a gift, able to make her power healing or destructive...it's really interesting, that. I couldn't bear the suspense! Just wondering and thinking without a firm clue.

Overall, this was just another wonderful chapter. I hope you've taken my advice well, and that you would update soon! ^_^

~Brunnera




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Thu Jul 03, 2014 1:19 pm
r4p17 wrote a review...



Knight r4 here to review this work and send it sprawling out of the Green Room Figuring! I certainly hope this helps. Now onward I go into the review but nitpicks first. Surprisingly though I found almost none, which is good. It shows you have good grammatical skills!

He spit on the ground next to me and walked out of the room.
This is just a small error I found. You need to change spit to spat since this is in the past tense.

I didn't have the energy, or the motivation to move.
You need to insert a comma after motivation here since that clause was an appositive.

The flashback/dream scene confused me a little bit. I thought that Angelique had destructive powers. This scene seems to go against the previous part of the chapter. I am not sure if you are trying to make this build up to what is going to happen such as her repenting and trying to live a better life or not, but right now this scene seems a little out of place. It isn't a bad scene it just confused me a little bit.

Overall this story sounds interesting. One thing you did do well was to make the reader empathize with your MC even though she is bad. But I still hope that she tries to change her life and try to help others! I don't like bad characters. I always wish they would do the right thing. I hope this one does!

Oh, there was one more thing I was confused about. This story is supposedly romance though I don't see any signs of it. But I am sure that will come in later. Also the title of this book doesn't seem to fit very well with this chapter. However I think I may have a good idea of where this story is going. :p Well I think that's all it have to say. Happy writing!!!:D




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Thu Jul 03, 2014 5:57 am
tgirly wrote a review...



Hello!
First off, love your avatar! Turtles are awesome. But onto the piece.

'looking through it's contents' should be looking through its contents.

"there was absolutely nothing" If there wasn't anything in the dresser, there was no contents for them to look through.

"half smirking and half glaring at me." Maybe it's just me, but I'm having trouble picturing this expression.

That's the only inconsistencies I caught; though it's always good to read through for them, just in case.

You've got a really interesting story premise here and I'm interested in seeing what you'll do with it. My biggest critique would be a slight overuse of the term 'glare'. Try to think of other ways you can show different characters' anger and frustration that isn't so overused. Maybe show them biting their words, pacing, hands in fists, breathing heavily as if preparing for a fight, etc. Get creative with every little detail.

I hope this review helped.
-tgirly





"Think of all the beauty still left around you, and smile."
— Anne Frank