The first thing I noticed when reading looking at this poem was "woah!, it's aligned to the right" I don't know if you meant for there to be any significance in this, but I do think it added to the piece. It made me have to pay attention to the beginning of each line and made each line more abrupt. I think the topic works well with this abruptness though.
I think the two lines "Broken strings" and "Split ends" because both have double meanings. Broken strings makes me think of broken guitar strings or just literal broken strings and then split end makes me think of hair split ends. Having two phrases with double meanings so close to each other leaves room for misinterpretations.. You could potentially have someone reading this thinking that "split ends" just indicates a bad hair day.
Actually a lot of your lines have dual or vague meanings. This is probably okay it just makes some of the lines open to interpretation but it adds to the tone of confusion. And I think anyone walking around the devastation after Hiroshima would have been struck with confusion along with horror. I think you portray the destruction, confusion and maybe guilt (last 3 lines and 9th line) but I think you're missing the emotion of sorrow. If you add anything to the poem keep that in mind.
I like how you don't clarify whether the character/narrator is a Hiroshima citizen or a soldier.
Also the last 2 lines are a little odd because the line "Blanket" just as a stand alone line doesn't make much sense.
Overall I think there is some great imagery in this but I think you're are portraying emotion more than any sort of message and it might worth the edit to go back and try to add some sorrow or some personal connection to this. I mean you describe physical destruction but there's no real mention of the people who were destroyed or their lives. Actually the only real mention of human beings in this is the last line and the one about "maimed hands". Good luck in future works and thanks for posting!
~alliyah
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