Once upon a time,I thought I wasA potted plant.Set aside for you to love.All alone,In this little pot.Once upon a time,I thought I wasA potted plant.You cared for meAnd me alone.Once upon a time,I thought I wasA potted plant.I was special,Because I thoughtThat I was your only plant.But as it turns out,I was just another flowerIn your garden.A garden filledWith other flowers.I was not special,And I was not your only.I was just another flowerIn your garden.A garden filledWith other flowers.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
I like the idea that you are going with by being representative but I think this might be a little to representative. I want to understand more of your emotion and different ideas and analogies with the flowers. That is by far my favorite part I love your flower analogies, so I would just like to see more. Like what did he do or how did you feel all of time or just little things like that. I really did like this poem but you have room to create something even better. I can't wait to see more of your writing.
Keep up the creative writing!
-Roxie Rain
Here to review!
or because they aren't really alone if they thought the gardener was with them..I really like the flower metaphor, this is a really cool idea!
The first three stanzas I think might be a little too repetitive I'm not sure what the 2nd two actually add to the poem that the first poem doesn't already say. It's a little odd that you put the line
Overall I like the whole idea of this poem, but I think you have a lot of room for more imagery. You could have a stanza describing the gardener or the colors of the other flowers or how the gardener cared for the flower or anything! I think this poem has potential but just needs a little more development.
~alliyah
When I said "all alone" or "and me alone" I was saying I thought I was the only woman in his life, the only one he cared for. Just a single plant. But then, as it turns out I'm just one of many women he feels for. Just another flower in his garden, filled with other flowers. Hope that cleared things up a little. Thanks or the review!
Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.
The ending has made me sad..
I felt the emotion the plant was feeling because it didn't feel special.
I like the font you used, classy c:
The only thing that has me concerned are the lines:
I just don't think they are needed in this...
It's only a suggestion, so you don't have to change it.
Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more c:
Hello, love. Aurora here for a little post review day reviewing. Like I haven't reviewed enough. :/
Also, I'm a member of the After Watch. Woo!
I have to say. I like how this starts out. It's really nice metaphors, but it's open ended, too. It could be perceived as nearly anything, and it tells a good story. A quality of the poems I can usually say that I like.
You start off your first three verses with the words 'once upon a time'. I liked this repetition, and although it's usually the rule of three for repetition, I don't think that counts for a five verse poem. Now if it was longer... Well, that's a different case. Anyway, I'd have liked to see you incorporate that into the other two verses too.
I like the way you describe things, but you could definitely have more imagery in there. Throw in some personification, too.., they are flowers.
Keep writing, love.
Awesome job, it was a good read.
Aurora
hey BlockedWriter! Interesting username I must say.
Sooo, lemme start out with some good stuff. I really liked your font and format to this poem. Generally I don't like short line (except in rare cases) but this is a time where I think it is fine.
However . . . I know you are wanting there to be repetition ,and there is! I also understand that repetition is often used in poetry or short stories, and it's not a bad technique to use. However, I think that it's a little over done in this poem. not because repetition is bad, but because the rest of the poem is really short. It feels like the repetition overwhelms the meat of the story, and that means there are tow things to do: a) cut down on some of the repetition, and/or b) just add some more storyline here. I can see there is a lot of room for improvement and development here!
And lastly, I think this is the first time I've see flowers used quite like this. It was nice and fresh in my mind (I don't read a whole lot of poetry) it was nicely executed, fi perhaps a little overdone. I really would love to see you expand on this torn relationship, and maybe use some more metaphors of the garden to explain the whole chain of events leading up to the person finding out that they are just "another flower"
Hope this helped!!
~Messenger - For The Knights Of The Green Room, and The Afterwatch