Since you gave it to me,
I wear your sweatshirt quite often,
almost as a second skin.
When I wear your sweatshirt
I find myself asking so many questions
about what you do
when you wear your sweatshirt.
Do you sit in your sweatshirt and drink coffee like I do?
Do you curl up on the couch in it and read a book like I do?
Do you sleep curled up in your sweatshirt the way I do?
Do you wear it while doing laundry like do, because it's the only thing clean?
Do you walk around the house in your sweatshirt and underwear the way I do?
Does it comfort you the way it comforts me?
Does it make you feel as safe as it makes me feel?
Your sweatshirt is more than a sweatshirt to me.
It's the little piece of you that I get to keep with me.
It keeps me warm when your arms can't.
I love your sweatshirt and the way it makes me feel.
Because even when I have to endure the nights without you,
I still have your sweatshirt to make it through.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,830 Reviews
This made me smile. I felt happiness as I read this, because its romantic, and it does a good job of being just that. There are a few grammatical errors, however, that I feel I should make a point of.
"I wear your sweatshirt quite often.
almost as a second skin." I'm not sure if you meant it to be two lines or not, but if you did, then I think the 'almost' should be capitalized. If not, then the period should be a comma.
"Do you sleep you sleep curled up in your sweatshirt the way I do?" You repeated 'you sleep' unnecessarily, so one of them should be removed.
"Does it comfort you the way it comforts you?" This should be, 'Does it comfort you the way it comforts me?'
Other than that, I really enjoyed this poem. I hope to read more of your work soon!
"Do you sleep you sleep curled up in your sweatshirt the way I do?"
*just take out that second "you sleep"
"Does it comfort you the way it comforts you?"
*Does it comfort you the way it comforts ME?
This is good, but I feel like you are stating the same thing over and over. I know this is about you and another person, but you could try and cut down on the amount of "you"s and "me"s. And maybe just add in more description.
I only found a few grammar errors and I really like this topic. Good job!
Beauty!
So Laughmaster here to review your poem.
Hello there, blocked-writer (That's a supercool name, I wish I had chosen this
This was a thoroughly offbeat topic to pen-down. Few days back I was planning to write a poem on my alarm clock and something hilarious about it. This reminds me that I have a long way to go to catch up with some of the awesome writers/poets here.
My first thoughts were - ' That's an exciting attempt
I'll be honest here. This wasn't extraordinary. It wasn't a poem which deserves standing ovations or something but this was neatly done. It was sharp, poignant and made its point neatly.
I do have some suggestions here.
Ok so one rhetorical question is nice, two is great, three is perfect but 6 makes me bog down. One after the other those six questions literally slaughtered down my attention and broke the rhythm of this beautiful poem. I think you need to do some sharp editing and edit out at least 2 questions here.
This might be a personal suggestion but it's really important to keep your reader's hooked.
I ought to admit that this was a really engaging start to your poem. Kept me glued.
To conclude it, your poem makes a poignant point, a really hooking opening stanza and a beautiful ending. A bit of revision/editing will help you improve its pace.
Keep writing!
Laughmaster's rating: 7/10
This is such a sweet poem. I loved how much value and emphasis you put on the sweatshirt, as if it is the only fabric chain link that connects you to a lover miles away. Wonderful. Sort of reminds me of the song Sweater weather. Have you heard it?
I want to point out, though, that you should probably edit this poem. There were a few spelling errors that sort of distracted me from the rest of this lovely poem.
I do hope that you continue to write.
This was a very beautiful poem.