I have two clocks in my room
But neither tick in unison.
One is always slightly ahead,
The other a little behind.
I have two decision making organs inside me
But neither tend to to agree with the other.
My heart beats for emotion and feeling,
While my mind thinks for logic and reason.
We are two clocks residing together, with our own hearts and minds
We do not tick in unison
And we rarely agree.
But we reside soundly.
Like the clocks in my room
And the organs in my body
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Hey, Chips here to review! Welcome to YWS as well
I really liked the concept of your poem, it was slightly philosophical. It seems as if a lot of thought had gone into writing this poem, it was interesting indeed.
However, there is always room for improvements, so here are some suggestions.
"I have two clocks in my room
But neither tock in unison.
On is always slightly ahead,
The other a little behind."
Here, in the first stanza I felt like the word, "tock", stood out in the wrong way. I know its the most obvious word choice in reference to a clock but it interrupted the flow of the poem so early one. Perhaps even "ticked" would have worked, if you still want it in past tense. I liked the rest of it though.
"I have two decision making organs inside me"
Full stop or comma needed here. This line, to me felt awkwardly phrased, I know what you were trying to say although its not written in the most poetic of ways, so perhaps try to rephrase it slightly.
"We do not tock in unison"
The "tock", here did not fit at all, so again you could use a different word.
Overall this was a very nice poem, keep writing! Hope this review helped.
--Chips
Hi there! Since you reviewed my poem, I decided to rifle through your portfolio a bit, and I found this!
I think you meant "one"I like the concept of this, and the way you illustrated the difference between logic and emotion.
That being said, there are a few things that I think could be improved upon.
(now that that typo is out of my system,)
In the second line, I don't know if "tock" is the right word. I understand that you're trying to do something other than tick, but it was kind of jarring because at first I thought it was a typo. Perhaps find a much different way of expressing this idea.
This is the one line that made me squint at the page. Does your heart actually make decisions? No. This line sounds very factual, and it just struck me as off. I think that you should say something more along these lines:
"The two most vital organs inside me
tend to disagree." That way, you can continue the heart metaphor, but not sound quite as... Egyptian (the ancient Egyptians believed that the heart was the decision maker for the body, not the brain).
I'm not a big fan of this line either because it tells rather than shows. Also, it seems like a rather big part of the poem because even though the narrator and this other person have different feelings and ideas, they can coexist. Show us how they coexist, rather than telling us outright.
Altogether, I really liked this. It needs a bit of polishing, but what poem doesn't? I hope that this review proves useful to you. Happy writing!
Thanks for the review! I will definitely look at these and make some changes. But as for saying the heart is a decision making organ, I was kind of playing off the idea of how people say "Listen to your heart" or "Follow your heart" but I do respect your opinion on that. This was very useful. Thank you for taking the time to review my work.
Wow, succinct, short, and beautiful!
How are you doing, BlockedWriter? (Love your username by the way) and welcome to YWS. A very nice piece of work you have here!
First of all, I really liked how you compared the narrator and the other unspoken person with the clocks in the room. The rhyming lines, the honesty of the words-- they grasp the soul of the reader and drag them into your world of emotion and feeling.
I love how you ended it-- it was really well-defined, everything. I hope to read more wonderful poems from you! You'll be popular here in no time
Sorry if my review wasn't helpful from a technical view. I found no errors, although I'm not one to judge.
~Brunnera
Hey, this is Irum
I absolutely loved this piece. It is fairly simple and accurate at the same time. Hope to read more from you 
Hi, Blockedwriter21. This is pinkie here for a review for tonight. I hope you like it.
Like Neverland said, this is a great poem. It is very creative and the lines are perfect. This piece is wonderful! I didn't see any grammar errors on here. Great Job! You are very amazing poet for your second day on YWS. I love this poem! I enjoyed it so much! I hope to read more for you.
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
P.S.: Welcome to YWS! XD
Hey it's Neverland here to review your marvellous piece!
Oh. My. Gosh!! This is absolutely wonderful! I LOVE IT!!! Not only the imagery you use but the idea of the poem itself. Not only is it different but it's relatable. The way you use imagery in this piece is unique but it's absolutely there.
Overall I can't really find anything to pick at that needs fixing, you're very talented.
Good luck writing and I look forward to seeing more of your work in the Greenroom.
Until then,
Neverland.
Also like to say congrats on posting a piece so new to the site. Very impressive.