(1158 words for the LMS contest.)
_____
The room is just dimly lit. The voice is strong but calm. Gentle, but demanding.
"Kneel."
The ground is hard under his knees; cold stone feels slightly wet as he lets his fingers touch it, and he can feel himself starting to tremble. It's cold, but not as cold as he knows it can get, and he closes his eyes at the sound of the steps. He can hear a sharp hiss of the fire, and then again nothing but steps They circle around him, stopping behind him. He feels warmth close to his skin, warmer as the steps approach closer, and his back automatically arch to escape it.
"I want you to do something for me." The voice's tone is unchanged, but he can almost see its owner smirking slightly. "Don't move and don't make a sound."
He nods, staring into the space in front of him, and bites his lip hard as the burning hot object presses against his skin, forcing the tears into his eyes. His hands curl into fists on his sides, fingernails boring into his palms, but he makes no other move, although his body seems to be screaming at him to pull away.
The man behind him repeats it three times - the fourth, a silent sob breaks the order of not making a sound, and the warmth disappears.
There's silence for a long moment, in which he can feel the skin of his back burning - four thin lines parallel with his spine, longing to be submerged into cold water.
"I want you to do something for me," the voice repeats, a hand softly stroking his hair. "I want you to go on a trip with my brother and your sister."
Carefully, unsure whether he's allowed to speak, the boy just nods, and the man crouches next to him, speaking close to his ear.
"Observe, and listen. I don't ask for anything more. Will you do that for me?"
*
The carriage jumped over something on the road, making Phys stir and pulling him from his dream - his memory - in a suitably gentle way. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed his fingers and for a moment closed his eyes again, before looking out.
Through the window on the side of the carriage, and the transparent orange curtain covering it, he observed the village getting closer, trying to keep his mind off the pounding of his heart. At the very edge of the Woods, its houses nearly touching the trees, it seemed made of gold through the coloured fabric, the woods behind it looking as if they caught on fire.
Village of gold, Phys thought to himself. It was no secret anymore why it was called so by many a traveler, and he guessed it had nothing to do with what colour was the curtain someone looked at it through; for the past nine days, they'd been traveling with no other living being anywhere near and the only manmade buildings being the arch marking the New Larinthian Border and a pile of wood which once could've been called a cottage in the middle of the Valley of Ice. The food supplies they've gotten in Byr, before they even crossed the Resting River and three days before reaching the Old Border, thinned out to the point of hunger threatening to consume them, and Phys was sure he'd already seen a few guards eyeing each other's horses with strange expressions.
He sighed silently, turning to look at the other two occupants of the carriage.
The Emperor's eyes were closed, his hand resting on the hilt of the long thin dagger on the seat next to him, but Phys was fairly sure his father wasn't sleeping. In all his fifteen years, he had never seen Valevari sleep in presence of other people - a part of him doubted anyone had ever seen him sleep at all.
"You should try sleeping too," princess Sinarai's voice pulled Phys from his thoughts. "We'll only be spending a night in the village, and after that you'd be stupid to fall asleep while we're traveling on through the Woods."
"You're not sleeping," Phys noticed, turning to her. She looked up from the map in her lap, her eyes boring into his, reminding him of his place.
A son of the Emperor. Not an heir or a true part of the family.
He frowned as she spoke. "I have better things to do than sleep. Besides, I am the heiress to the throne." She folded the map carefully, a smile playing in the corner of her lips. "Each of these guards would rather die a hundred times than let me get hurt."
"As long as you're that confident," Phys muttered. He glanced at the Emperor - if he was awake, he did nothing to show he was listening to his children's conversation. "I don't think you should really test that, though. Riralai is still alive, you know. And she's older than you."
The princess smirked. "Rile? She's marrying an enemy."
"She's marrying a count, Sina. A son of the Naavian's king. That might mean alliance--"
"The Naavians will never be allies," Sinarai's voice reminded Phys of a sharpened knife, making his heart skip a bit and his memories silence the sound of his half sister's voice.
Don't think about that. Not now, not here... You can't be punished here. He licked his lips, barely aware of doing it, repeating the thoughts to himself like a chant. Nothing at all can happen to you here, and nothing will happen at home either if you just do what you were told to.
"You're not listening, are you?" Sinarai sighed frustratedly. "Why am I even bothering... You're about as good at understanding these matters as Rile is at caring about them."
Without another word, she unfolded her map again and locked her eyes on it, leaving Phys to his thoughts. For a moment, he wanted to tell her she's wrong, and that he understands more than he shows - but then he just shook his head, barely noticeably, and turned his attention to the window and the village again. She sounded older than her age - or perhaps was it that he, as most other people, acted younger than his when talking to her? - and he knew well enough that it wasn't on him to reason with the princess.
Your job is to observe and listen, he told himself, and report upon your return.
He closed his eyes, letting the soft rocking of the carriage calm him down. Nothing bad was going to happen. The Emperor had traveled down the same road many times before; the only difference was Phys - instead of his older brother - and Sinarai - instead of their older sister, and the princess was right. They were as safe as they could be, and will stay so all the way to the Larinthian castle and back.
Nothing will happen, he repeated to himself. You won't need to get hurt.
*
End of chapter
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
Hey there Aria!
I apologise for taking so long to get back to your story! I am here now and eager to keep reading. I liked the beginning of the chapter, it was perfectly daunting and mysterious. It makes me wonder who this could be happening to, and what they will end up doing. Who is the person who is inflicting the pain as well? All these questions and I really can't wait to have an answer. I am looking forward to when we get to know it as well ^^ I would just like to say that a lot of people have said a lot of things which are really appropriate and there isn't much more for me to add. So I will keep this short and to the point.
I would cut the word 'just' out of this sentence. When you speak, people often put the word just in there somewhere, and that comes naturally. But when it comes to writing it is an unnecessary word and usually doesn't really add anything to the story. Which means it needs to be taken out! Try and avoid using them too often.
I wondered why you wrote that little snippet in present tense. Even though it was a nice change, it would be good to keep it in past tense, because if it is before or coinciding with the events we are reading about, then it would also be in the past. So maybe change the tense of that part? Then again, it was nice to see a different style in there, so it's up to you. I would advise a switch, though. Oh, and I think you mean 'arches' and not arch.
I think it's great to see a new POV. Again, I am wondering how all these separate strands are going to come together and make this story weave into ways that make me go oh, look how they all connect! I can't wait to see how it is all going to work out :3
But then again, we haven't really gone back and revisited any of the other POV's we started off with and I am forgetting all those storylines. What you need to do is be careful not to add too many. The reader needs to remember what is happening with all of these various people as well as names and situations surrounding them as well. So make sure you don't make it too complex with having too many characters. And make sure we get to revisit them and see what they are up to as well
The last thing I want to mention is when we were introduced to Phys. We get little narrative and actual fiction story going on there. All we really get is a detailed description of setting, and a description and informative bit about the heritage. I felt like it was a tad bit info-dumpy? It work to have more story in there, if you understand what I mean. I know it is fairly limited because they are in a carriage being taken somewhere, but if you manage to think of something, it would be worth putting in there
I hope this was a helpful review! I will be back for more real soon!
Deanie x
Hello AriaAdams! Back once again!
Another character change! And this time it's the son of an emperor that wanted the throne of the previously known king. I wonder how all these people will fit together, forgive me, my curiosity knows no bounds. I could find no mistakes in this chapter. I feel that I must get to the next part though, fare thee well!
~Kelpies
Hi there!
I totally promised to be on time with these reviews and this happens -_- But I'm here for a review now!
The room is either dimly lit or it's just lit. I think you might be mixing two different descriptions here.
Ah, another character! At least, I think. The name sounds familiar, but maybe I'm getting him mixed up with another character? That's probably it. Anyway, he's a rather interesting character. Mainly because of the memory in the beginning. I'm left hanging here, wondering who this person is who branded him and is demanding he goes on this journey with the man's brother and his sister. Now my brain hurts trying to figure out who this man is xD
So you've got a nice scene here with Phys and his sister. We learn about the Emperor and his children, the people we've been believing are the enemy thanks to the first chapters being about the "royal family". One thing I find interesting about this chapter is this single thought:
How does this even work? From what I understand of monarchies and dynasties, any son or daughter of the ruler is an heir and a part of the family. But I guess the Emperor runs his family differently? I guess I'll have to read on to figure out more. Or at least to get my brain to understand xD
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hi there! I'm here to review this chapter for you!
I saw that this one was one of the chapters with fewer reviews so I went ahead and tackled it first. 
Also, this is my first review in about a month, so I'll be knocking the dust off a little bit here.
This novel seems awesome in general and I really hope you continue to make it even better! Never stop writing! 
*clears throat*
First of all, I really love the way you;ve thought this thing out. Now, I haven't read any of the other chapters, but I like to think that any good chapter of a book should be able to stand alone pretty well. This one does that. I can tell that a ton of thought has gone into writing and planning this novel and it seems like you've gotten a very good handle on your ideas here. Often, writers of action-adventure/fantasy have enormous let their imaginations run wild when they write. That;s excellent, that;s exactly what you want, but sometimes (I know because I've made this mistake before) inadequate planning can leave you without any means of reeling that imagination in. Too much "winging it" without enough planning can work sometimes, but the greatest works are those in which you can tell the author has been able to strike just the right balance between his or her imagination and their actual planning/formatting of ideas. I must commend you on having struck that balance here.
The best thing about the chapter you've got here is the way you have given life to each your characters and your descriptions. Something that I pride myself on in my own writing is the ability to create characters that the readers can actively interact with and understand. By this, I don't mean that the character has to be realistic, because when you're writing something that takes place in a fantastical world, how can they be? Rather, I'm saying that your characters should have several dimensions, should be dynamic, should have personalities, and should have both inner and outer conflicts that are manifested through their descriptions of things as well as their interactions with other characters. I especially love the whole thing you've got going on here between Phys and Sinarai. They both seem to have their own agenda on this journey here and I love the way they're sort of butting heads here and there as this thing progresses. The dynamic between these two characters is a perfect example of something that a reader could follow and become actively engaged with. That's always good when dialogue is entertaining like that.
As far as things that I think you could do better, the biggest suggestion I'd have for you is just to go back and evaluate your word choice in some areas. All of your narrative and descriptive elements are in a very, very good place, but I feel like a few small tweaks here and there could definitely put this thing over the wall between GoodTown and AwesomeVille. Also, I think that you could spend a little bit more time drawing out the flashback at the beginning here. I like the way you;ve got this sort of ambiguity thing going on with that, but I feel like a little bit more time spent there could turn that into something even cooler than it already is. Flashbacks are cool regardless, but I think adding some extra flavor with the description there and really pushing the envelope with the mysteriousness and ambiguity of it would be well worth your time.
I hope this review was helpful and thanks so much for being my first Review-ee after quite the extended hiatus.
-GL24
I haven't read the previous chapters, so this review will be concentrated more on the writing than the plot itself.
You start out really strong. In this case, the short, dramatic sentences work for you and you've got some great details, even though the sentences are so short.
"the fourth, a silent sob breaks the order of not making a sound, and the warmth disappears."
If the sob is silent, it doesn't make a sound.
"The food supplies they've gotten in Byr," they've should have been they'd.
There's a lot of details of their travelings, and while I like all the landmarks listed, I think there might be a few too many to hold our interest. Of course, these places might be more relevant if I'd read the other chapters.
"He frowned as she spoke. "I have better things to do than sleep. Besides, I am the heiress to the throne." " The frowning sentence seems oddly placed, and I don't see what being the heiress to the throne has to do with not sleeping; he didn't tell her to sleep, he just observed that she wasn't.
I really enjoyed your writing style and hope to read more of your work when I have more time.
Well, I'm back again after a well deserved (at least I think so) brownie break.
Main Points
When you write a sentence like this it almost seems to introduce something new, however you're still talking about the village. I would suggest adding "Located" or "situated" at the beginning.
I feel that this would sound better as "it seemed to be made of gold"
This sounded a little clunky. Maybe try: it had nothing to do with the colour of curtain that someone looked through. That took me forever and it still sounds funny, that was a tough one :/
Woah, I just realised that is actually one sentence. I strongly suggest making the orange bit into a new sentence.
On a side note, it's great that you've been mentioning all these new and cool places, though I'd really like to now the greater lay out. At some point we'll need to know where everything is relative to one another.
When you say this it sounds like the the guards are looking ate each other's horses? As in one guard looks at the other guard's horse with a strange expression? Maybe it's a thing guards do there? Look at each other's horses?
Woah! Plot twist! The Emperor is in the carriage too? Did not see that coming, awesome stuff. Brilliantly done.
Ooooh, interesting chapter. Me likey, the coffee's just gotten thicker. I'm am going to boldly assume that the brother in the instructions was Iluan? And that the sister was Riralai? If I am right then that would mean that whoever is instructing Phys is a sibling from the Naavian family. Or I could be completely down the wrong road. Either way this is becoming very, very intriguing and I can't wait to read the next one.
One thing though, as I've continued reading your noel I've begun to notice two chronic problems. One of them is your overly long sentences. Try to pick them out and ask yourself where can I cut this into two? Where can I split this into a new sentences. Some of them like the one I pointed out before was glaringly obvious where to cut it.
Second, is that some of your sentences can get overly wordy. Descriptions are great but clarity is better. Sometimes over wording something (is that an accurate term?) can make things difficult to read and understand.
Besides that I am loving your story and can't wait to read more! Keep it up and happy writing!!
Silverlock