Golden Bird, Red Fox: Chapter nine

by Ventomology

Published April 26, 2014

E - Everyone

In Golden Bird; Red Fox

The Avondale estate was not particularly pretty. A few years ago, it had been owned by an old-fashioned grandpa who absolutely hated the ‘new fads’ of marble buildings and pastel walls. He had left the mansion as a stone castle and only now were renovations finally beginning. According to Gordon, they still had a moat.

“What are we doing here, again?” Braxton asked, glancing at the dismantled drawbridge on the front lawn.

Randall’s tail flicked irritably. “I swear, all you princes are so dumb. We’re here to make sure the test on the golden bird hasn’t been rigged against your brother, and to see if your other brother’s ghost turned up here. He’s engaged to Lady Avondale, isn’t he?”

“Yes.” Braxton was reminded of his brother’s wish to stay with Theresa instead of hunting for the bird, then somehow got the impression that ghosts turned up by the side of people they longed for. He dismissed the thought.

The prince and fox snuck around through the back of the castle, Randall pausing to sniff everything in sight.

“Do you have to do that?” Braxton asked, tapping his ghostly foot on the courtyard tile.

“Yes!” the fox said. He looked like he’d been insulted. “I’m sniffing for the bird! Then after we make sure it’s not cursed, we’ll climb those vines over there,” he swung his nose to the shorter, east wall of the yard, “and get into Theresa’s room.”

Somehow, Braxton was uncomfortable with the idea of sneaking into a lady’s room, especially when she couldn’t see him. He trailed Randall into the great hall of the mansion, where the Avondale family probably held their parties.

It was nothing short of shoddy. The stone floors were in the middle of being covered with marble tile, and the walls were only half plastered over. In one corner sat a large crate with part of a chandelier sticking out of it. A ladder stood in the middle of the room, where the chandelier would probably be hung, and Braxton’s eyes flew towards the ceiling.

But the proper preparations for chandelier hanging were not yet in place. Instead, golden feathers flashed momentarily overhead, partially blocked by a battered wooden cage. Braxton glanced back at the chandelier crate to see Randall poke his red face out. He gripped a sturdy golden cage in his teeth and leaped out to drag the cage over.

“Climb up there and leave this on the top of the ladder, will you?” Randall said, dropping the cage from his mouth.

“You stupid fox,” Braxton muttered, nonetheless picking up the cage. It was quite heavy, as anything made of gold should be, and Braxton’s first thought was to wonder how Randall picked it up in the first place.

Setting his mind on the task at hand, Braxton scaled the ladder. By the time he placed the cage at the top, his ghostly brow gleamed with sweat. A precarious near-topple set him even more on edge, and Braxton descended with utmost care.

“You could have just floated down,” Randall pointed out as Braxton stepped off the last rung.

“How was I supposed to know that?” Braxton snapped. He did not enjoy being exploited to help his brother succeed at this stupid quest. “Let’s just talk to Lady Avondale and get this over with.”

After tiptoeing back to the courtyard, Braxton found himself standing by a thick mess of vines under Lady Avondale’s window. Why they couldn’t have just gone through the castle was beyond him, but per the fox’s instructions, he gripped Randall’s scruff and clambered up the wall.

If he’d been a physical human being, Braxton’s fingers would have been covered in blood. He gasped, finally pulling himself and Randall through the window at the top. There, in front of a vanity on the right side of the room, sat Theresa of Avondale.

She looked a lot like her estate, halfway through a make-over. Her dark brown hair was only partly unpinned from some complex bun, and the cloth in her hands was smudged with cream-colored powders. Braxton looked back out the window. It definitely wasn’t dark enough for most girls to be taking off their make-up already.

“Fox!” Theresa cried out, seeing Randall plop onto the floor. She jumped up, still quite ridiculous in her current appearance, and knelt by Randall. Coddling his cheeks with delicate hands, she began examining every inch of him.

“Please don’t, Theresa,” Randall complained, shaking himself free of her grasp. She let go. “Anyway, have you seen Gordon around lately? I’m making sure he’s alright. Little fool decided to ignore me and go into that wizard’s inn.”

To Braxton’s surprise, the lady rolled her eyes. “Of course he’s not here, and you don’t have to go insulting my fiancé. Which wizard was it, by the way?”

“Oh, you know, the gold one.”

Lady Avondale seemed to understand immediately, but Braxton certainly didn’t. As she tensed, wrinkles showing on the clean side of her face, Braxton could only wonder why Randall had so conveniently left out that ‘wizard’s inn’ part earlier.

“You mean you got Gordon involved in this? How could you? You know he’s not bright enough for this sort of thing. Now, if it had just been the part with the Tradors, I would understand why, but why would you get him mixed up in the middle of this mess?”

Randall’s tail swished nervously along the floor, and Braxton could tell this was a question the fox did not want to answer. “If I could have it my way,” Randall said finally, “I would have picked Ferrell first. He’d pass the first test, and then be stupid enough to trigger the next three once, but not twice.”

“What about Braxton?”

The temperature of the room dropped, as though Braxton’s ghostly presence had finally gained the ability to cause suspense. Waiting for Randall’s answer, Braxton found himself feeling cross. There were so many things about this quest that he didn’t know, yet he trusted this fox enough to help with it.

“Braxton…” Randall trailed off, “Braxton isn’t right either. He’s too trusting for him to get exactly the right set from the clause. Besides, the poor bloke already got caught trying to save Gordon from the inn.”

Something about the smile on Lady Avondale’s face caught Braxton off-guard. Pity. That was it. “Oh, Fox,” she whispered, just barely audible to Braxton’s ears, “I’m so sorry. You really liked him, didn’t you?”

Crinkling his nose, Randall stuck his snout in the air. “I do not. Braxton’s nice, but I’m here to fix things, not make friends. Have you called the unit yet?”

Theresa nodded solemnly. “I hope your plan works, little Fox,” she said, “because if it doesn’t, we’re going to have a very harsh ruling family from now on.”

Randall did not say anything back. He glared at Braxton, and the prince scurried to the window to help him down. Once they were out of the mansion and back in the forest, Braxton grabbed Randall’s scruff and let his anger run free.

“What happened in there?” he yelled, “What’s this about failing and succeeding and some clause? Does it have something to do with those magic contracts you mentioned? Tell me what’s going on!”

Randall’s black eyes lost their gleam. He blinked, shivering under Braxton’s touch. “I-I-I can’t say. The contract, it, it…”

“The contract what?” Braxton barked, “I order you as second prince to tell me what this contract says!” Even in his ghostly form, he felt his blood boiling. In a moment of curiosity, Braxton wondered what his soul’s touch inspired in Randall.

“I can’t,” the fox admitted. He looked close to tears. “The mannequins, the gold, the inn, it’s all one person, but I can’t say more than that. I swear!”

“You had better be right,” Braxton hissed, throwing Randall back-first to the ground. The fox yelped, landing on pine-needles. He rolled back onto shaky feet, head hung.

“I’m so sorry, Braxton. If I could, I’d tell you everything, but some things aren’t meant to be said, and some actions aren’t meant to be taken.” Turning around, Randall shook himself free of his guilt. “Let’s go. I want to make sure your brother ends up in the right inn.”

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
BrumalHunter
Review
BrumalHunter wrote a review Review · Jun 17, 2014

Greetings. :smt006

Hmm... This little detour was useful not only to Randall, but to the readers as well as Braxton, as both parties have been equally neglected in the sharing of information. I also found that I shared Braxton's attitude towards Randall up to the last few paragraphs, when I relented. I was still angry at him though... :smt012


“I’m sniffing for the bird! Then after we make sure it’s not cursed, we’ll get climb those vines over there,”

Why on earth is the bird at the Avondale Estate? And how does Randall know that? Oh, and you should remove the underlined; I think it is part of some text you had intended to change.

A ladder stood in the middle of the room, where the chandelier would probably be hung, and Braxton’s eyes flew towards the ceiling.

flew is perhaps too swift an action. Perhaps gazed would be better?

Instead, golden feathers flashed momentarily overhead, partially blocked by a battered wooden cage.

If the bird is already trapped, as the wooden cage would suggest, then why all the fuss?

“Climb up there and leave this on the top of the ladder, will you?” Randall said, dropping the cage from his mouth.

In addition to my previous point, why would you use a golden cage to catch a golden bird? We've already seen how that went...

It was quite heavy, as anything made of gold should be, and Braxton’s first thought was to wonder how Randall picked it up in the first place.

The fox can accelerate from zero to a hundred miles per hour in one second, and he still wonders how that very same fox can pick up gold? You know you've been in the presence of an enchanted fox for too long when you start forgetting it's enchanted.

“You could have just floated down,”

Incorrect word order - the just should appear directly after the could.

“How was I supposed to know that?” Braxton snapped.

Even though this is not a short story, this an example of foreshadowing - it is the part where the attentive reader realises for the first time that Randall has not been as open with Braxton as he should have been.

“Let’s just talk to Lady Avondale and get this over with.”

End-of-sentence prepositions...
Spoiler
Relax, it's direct speech, so it doesn't count. (I made you look though!)


Coddling his cheeks with delicate hands, she began examining every inch of him.

A caring woman... Gordon chose his fiancé well.

Little fool decided to ignore me and go into that wizard’s inn.”

Is this an intentional pun? (Just say yes.)

“Oh, you know, the gold one.”

It's at this point where I began to wonder whether or not the wizard is the bird, but if so, it doesn't make any sense.

Lady Avondale seemed to understand immediately...

This Theresa reminds me of a certain blind seeress...

There were so many things about this quest that he didn’t know, yet he trusted this fox enough to help with it.

“Braxton…” Randall trailed off, “Braxton isn’t right either. He’s too trusting for him to get exactly the right set from the clause.

Too trusting of Randall perhaps? If Braxton were the spiteful type (which he partly is, come to think of it), he would only continue to help Randall until he could get his body back. Sadly for him though, he's a prince, so he has a responsibilty to help Randall.

Crinkling his nose, Randall stuck his snout in the air. “I do not. Braxton’s nice, but I’m here to fix things, not make friends.

Ouch! I hope Randall realises how that would have hurt, and for the sake of pride, of all things.

He glared at Braxton, and the prince scurried to the window to help him down.

After what Randall just said, he has the audacity to glare at Braxton?!

He looked close to tears.

Supposedly, most animals don't have tear ducts, but I guess normal rules do not apply to enchanted animals. And anyway, it's a little too late for tears now.

“The mannequins, the gold, the inn, it’s all one person, but I can’t say more than that. I swear!”

Aha! So the wizard is behind everything! I knew!

Turning around, Randall shook himself free of his guilt. “Let’s go. I want to make sure your brother ends up in the right inn.”

Randall's show of indifference by "shaking himself free of his guilt" is all a façade; he wants to get moving because he cannot bare to look at Braxton.


*mutters about untrustworthy foxes* I think the princes were right not to trust Randall - he is a fox, after all. Braxton deserves more credit than Randall is giving him.

With your work, however, I cannot find anything about which to complain. Brava!

Oh, I love puns! I've gotten to most of those points by now... so onto the next one!
Thanks as always!

User avatar
Aravis10
Comment
Aravis10 commented Comment · Jun 11, 2014

Hi Buggiedude! I have been keeping up with this story and I want to know... where is the rest of it? What happens? You can't leave me hanging like this!

Don't worry; I'm still working on it! Hopefully I'll get the next two or three chapters up this month.

Oh good. I was afraid that you had given up!

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review Review · Apr 27, 2014

Hello there, Wolf here to review!
Let's start off with some nit-picks...

covered in marble tile

The 'in' makes it seem sort of awkward, I would recommend to replace 'in' with 'with'.
In one corner...

Where is this corner relative to the character?
She looked a lot like her estate, halfway through a make-over.

I get what you're trying to say here, but exactly HOW does she look? Is her hair tucked back? Is she wearing an evening gown? Something casual? I can't seem to picture this Lady in my mind. Some more description may help, but also try not to over describe it.
Overall I really liked this. I was a little confused (mostly because I haven't read the other chapters) and had some questions that may be answered elsewhere.
Great job, anyway, and keep it up!

Ack! Poor Lady Avondale. Thanks for pointing out her lack of appearance. And I'll get to that marble bit there.
Thanks again!

User avatar
ERZA
Review
ERZA wrote a review Review · Apr 27, 2014

Wow nice suspense :-)

This is my first time reading this story and I must say the plot is very different and original. I really liked the way this story was wrote. The talking fox, the ghost everyone was in their character. I can say this because even though I have only read chapter nine, I could clearly make out the personality, the nature of the characters. There were parts which I could not follow (maybe because I have read only chapter nine so far) but other than that every thing was well written ^^~
Thats all I guess ~

Yay! Thanks a ton for reading through this. I know jumping into the ninth chapter of a novel can be confusing...



Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
— Sigmund Freud