Golden Bird, Red Fox: Chapter six

by Ventomology

Published February 22, 2014

12+

In Golden Bird; Red Fox

Braxton had not settled into his brother’s absence very easily. Without two siblings around, Ferrell focused all of his antics on Braxton, leaving a trail of papery mayhem every time he left the office. Picking up papers, Braxton decided, was a very time-consuming thing. Maybe he needed a secretary to do the more menial tasks.

And so, after cleaning up the fourth mess Ferrell had caused by rifling through the drawers of Braxton’s desk, he decided he needed a break.

The forest felt chillier than usual that day. Even with perfectly green leaves, and the heat of summer, something about the place was uneasy. Ferns rustled restlessly with the swaying of deciduous tree branches, blocking out the usual chatter of birds.

“Hey!” he heard. “Hey! Prince!”

Braxton jerked at the reins of his horse, glancing around as she slowed. He couldn’t pinpoint the sound with all this noise.

“Right here!” the voice said again, “to your left!”

He turned left, facing a tree with a burl near the bottom of its trunk.

“Never mind. My bad. Right. Your right.”

As soon as he faced his right, Braxton’s lips curved into a smile. The red face of a fox stared back at him blankly. “Randall! It’s good to see you again.” Leaning over in the saddle, he asked, “how is Gordon?”

“He… he didn’t listen to me,” Randall said. “I told him to not go into that fancy inn, but he didn’t listen to me! Just walked into the fancy inn and didn’t come out this morning! Oh, Prince, I’m so sorry!”

Braxton straightened in his saddle, processing what he had heard. “Wait, but what’s so bad about the inn he stayed at?”

Sniffling, Randall told him about the fate of those who entered that inn. “They can’t leave if they eat anything there, and the food steals souls! Then the body is left there while the poor person who stayed there has to wander the world as a ghost. It’s awful!”

“So Gordon can’t leave? What happens if his body leaves the inn without his soul?”

The fox hung his head. “I don’t know, Prince. I saw one person leave, but after that he committed a crime and was hanged in the town square. And you know, Prince? That person who left talked so strange. It was like some enchantress had bespelled him, or someone had killed his wife or something. And the way he moved…” Randall shuddered, the white tip of his tail twitching anxiously. “Promise me you won’t go in there.”

“Was he possibly possessed?” Braxton asked.

“I don’t know. I never saw someone get possessed except the time I caught a guy who had the head of a donkey, and the time I saw some fellows chasing after a girl who thought they were both after her friend’s hand. But that was caused by fairies, so I don’t think it’s the same magic.”

“Huh,” Braxton grunted, “What would happen in we took the body from the inn? Would his soul return to his body?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” the fox said, suddenly sounding devious. He licked his chops and his tail began swishing in long, fast strokes. “I can get you there by tonight. Would you like to come?”

“Naturally,” Braxton said, “I’ll let my family know I’ll be gone for the night, and then I’ll join you immediately.”

Luckily, he managed to avoid Ferrell while reporting to his mother and father. He lied though, saying he had found a lead on the whereabouts of the Trador children. It would be easier to just set Gordon back on the quest and return empty-handed.

Braxton met Randall again at the stables. Hay rustled underfoot, and the constant kicking of the more anxious horses kept Randall from being heard outside.

“Why did you come in here?” Braxton whispered.

“To make sure you didn’t bring your dumb horse. I’m an enchanted fox, you dummy. I can get you to the inn in uh... two seconds, give or take.”

Sighing, Braxton stood up to check for meandering staff. He couldn’t have a stable boy, or worse, a guard, seeing him talk to a fox, let alone lead one out of the stables. Since the area seemed clear, he creaked open the barn gate and led Randall to the orchards.

“Okay, how exactly are you planning on getting to the inn in two seconds?” The sun already shone from the western sky, and it was setting fast.

“Well, it’s obviously not just two seconds. More like, I don’t know, sixty?” Randall swished his tail casually along the ground, grinning like a fool. Definitely suspicious.

“A minute, then. How exactly do you plan on getting to the inn in a minute?”

“Well, you know. Magic. Your brother let me drag him. Why won’t you?”

Finding it hard to argue using anything other than the inn as a point, Braxton relented and stopped asking. He grabbed onto Randall’s tail, per the fox’s instructions, and held tight. It was not an easy task, because Randall’s fur was silkier than expected.

“I half expected you to be covered in knots,” Braxton muttered.

“Excuse you! I take great pride in appearances. And just for that, I won’t count to three before I start.” Between Braxton’s fingers, Randall’s tail twitched. Suddenly, it was like the world had begun spinning twelve times faster than it should have. The ground beneath them blurred into a patchwork of brown and green, with the occasional clear, sparkling stream flowing through like a seam. Like Randall had said, it felt like two seconds when they finally stopped.

“That was nothing short of impressive,” Braxton heaved. He collapsed onto his bottom, blinking away the dizziness.

“Was it? I never get to see the scenery because I’m the one running. Got to make sure I don’t trip.”

Braxton nodded dumbly. He stood up, wobbling for a moment, before taking a look at the scene before him.

It was hard not to gasp. On the left stood a sprawling mansion of an inn. Its windows gleamed with white, inviting light, and the front sign was brightly painted. Something deliciously aromatic drifted past Braxton’s nose, making him almost drool. The light wood stood out against a darkening sky, and everything about the inn seemed comfortable and delightful.

On the right, there was a misshapen assortment of wood. It looked so run-down, so decrepit, and so dark, that Braxton almost didn’t believe it was an inn. Did the chicken scratch on its sign even spell words?

“I understand why Gordon didn’t listen to you,” he murmured.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’ll get in and save him quickly.” Braxton steadied himself and glanced down at Randall for reassurement.

“Before you go,” Randall said, “you should know that that inn absolutely reeks of magic. Not only that, but lots of different kinds. I won’t call you a wuss for deserting now.” His white sideburns drooped slightly, and his black, watery eyes reflected the sunset.

“I couldn’t just leave my brother in there,” Braxton said, bending to pat the fox on the head, “and don’t worry. I’ll be out in a jiffy. No food or drink and I should be fine, right?”

Randall nodded, leaving Braxton to stroll to the fancy inn’s front door. Interesting. He couldn’t see into the windows, regardless of how much light glowed from them. The front door was painted red, its bright brass handle brandishing the elaborate seal of a master smith. Braxton pushed the door open, his mouth watering as savory scents burst out at him. Inside was a bar with all its stools filled, and the dining tables all had clean tablecloths. A young girl stood at the ready and eagerly asked Braxton if he wanted a room.

“We’ll see,” he said, holding up a hand and smiling. He searched the lobby for Gordon’s enormous body, and was disappointed to find him neither sleeping nor awake. Boots padding noiselessly on a floor made of new boards, Braxton swerved around drunken dancers, trying to get to a different viewpoint.

Even after ten minutes of searching, Braxton could not find his brother. He wondered if Gordon had actually eaten anything. Maybe the first prince had just stayed the night, and left late on an empty stomach.

As he neared a hallway that must have led to the rooms, Braxton realized that several of the people in the inn were watching him. He was quite conspicuous in his suit, which he had foolishly forgotten to change out of. Deciding to ask Randall to sniff the area outside, Braxton made his way back to the front entrance.

“Where do you think you’re going?” spat a sweet voice. It was the young girl who had welcomed Braxton. He turned to her, noticing a sneer plastered on her face. The neck of her blouse was cut too low, and Braxton looked away, only to meet the eyes of a group of brutes. Each of them looked larger than Gordon, with belly fat sticking out under old shirts. In a split second, it seemed as though everyone in the inn had transformed. The dancing drunks staggered dangerously nearby, cackling and hiccuping. A grease-covered cook stumbled into the room with a butcher’s knife in his meaty hands.

Braxton backed away. He reached the front door, and his fingers groped at the door handle. His feet scraped against the ground, trying to carry him away, but not moving any further. Then, as the crowd of possessed staff and visitors pressed closer, Braxton remembered something. This front door opened inwards.

He was trapped.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
BrumalHunter
Review
BrumalHunter wrote a review Review · Jun 14, 2014

Salutations.

Finally, some action! I think Braxton is a fool for having refused the woman, though; he should simply have agreed and attempted to stay incognito. I suppose it is difficult to stay calm in such situations though, so he should not be judged.


Maybe he needed a secretary to do the more menial tasks.

That's what I've been saying the whole time! *sighs*

Ferns ruffled restlessly with the swaying of deciduous tree branches, blocking out the usual chatter of birds.

Uhm... I think feathers or hair is ruffled, but leaves rustle. Also, I think along with would have worked better than with alone. It's just a suggestion.

He couldn’t pinpoint the sound with all this rustling.

I am still uncertain as to the presence of a this in third person narration, so I would suggest replacing it with a the.

“Never mind. My bad. Right. Your right.”

3-| I suppose some humour is in order. ;)

“They can’t leave if they eat anything there, and the food steals souls! Then the body is left there while the poor person who stayed there has to wander the world as a ghost. It’s awful!”

I always say you can never trust a soul-eater. Except for AriaAdams and Iggy, perhaps. Or at least, my soul is safe from their appetite...

“What would happen in we took the body from the inn? Would his soul return to his body?”

Typo: if

“I half expected you to be covered in knots,” Braxton muttered.

“Excuse you!

Agreed.

It was hard not to gasp. On the left stood a sprawling mansion of an inn. Its windows gleamed with white, inviting light, and the front sign was brightly painted. Something deliciously aromatic drifted past Braxton’s nose, making him almost drool. The light wood stood out against a darkening sky, and everything about the inn seemed comfortable and delightful.

Is this inn by any chance based off the Greek legend of the Lotus Eaters?


Congratulations on a nearly flawless piece of work - I actually had to reread my review to see why it was so short. As for Braxton... My, my, what has he gotten himself into? (Excuse the end-of-sentence preposition.) Why do people never listen to enchanted foxes?

(This is usually the place where I would give my rating, but I am currently awaiting the response to my question of whether or not I should rate works. You can rest assured though, yours is good!)

*cackles evilly* I have very terrible things planned out for everyone. And rest assured, you shall hate Ferrell even more.
Anyways, thanks so much for catching that typo! (I can't believe I left one in!) And thanks for everything else, of course!
Catch you later!

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review
TimmyJake wrote a review Review · Feb 23, 2014

Timmy here for a review!!

So this is really the last one now, right! xD No more that are behind a tree somewhere in your world?

Nitpicks

“Hey!” he heard, “Hey! Prince!” ---You should have a period after heard


but after that he committed a crime and was hanged in the town square. ---I think hanged should be hung


I’m an enchanted fox, you dummy. I can get you to the inn in like, two seconds!” ---I think that a fox from the olden days wouldn't say like. That is something that modern day teenagers say. It seems out of place to me. :D


Faving time and Style

Your story is really unfolding! I am starting to really like your characters, especially Randall for some reason. I don't know why i like him so much, but I do! :D

So great job! Normally, people don't ensare me for six reviews in one day... But you got me! Your story is action packed, sticks very close to the times. I love the dialogue and the relationship with everyone is always tense, which adds to the story as well!

Your descriptions are so perfect they don't leave anything to the imagination. They are wonderfully vivid! I am loving this piece...

I apologize for the short review. Your pieces are getting better and better as you go!

I am off to annoy someone else now! Happy Review Day and Keep writing! :D
~Timmyjake

Oh my goodness... Did I never get back to you on this review?
I feel kind of rude.
I'll check back for those things you pointed out. Thanks!

User avatar
LemisaLeaZeor
Review
LemisaLeaZeor wrote a review Review · Feb 23, 2014

“Where do you think you’re going?” spat a sweet voice. It was the young girl who had welcomed Braxton. He turned to her, noticing a sneer pasted on her face. The neck of her blouse was cut too low, and Braxton looked away, only to meet the eyes of a group of brutes. Each of them looked larger than Gordon, with belly fat sticking out under old shirts. In a split second, it seemed as though everyone in the inn had transformed. The dancing drunks staggered dangerously nearby, cackling and hiccuping. A grease-covered cook stumbled into the room with a butcher’s knife in his meaty hands."

The first line is very good as you have used spat in stead of said or asked.

Instead of saying pasted you could have said plasted, like a plaster (sorry if you don't understand, I'm English).

You added some humour into this paragraph, which makes me as a reader want to read more, since I enjoy things like this.
How you described the brutes was very well done by using the style of the average "brute" as drunk.
The next part though confuses me, though I might be mistaken, but you suddenly say that everyone in the inn had transformed.
But why did the mood change and why did everyone start to act differently? Either I've probably mis read it or something, though if not could you rewrite it slightly so it's easier to understand.
You could explain how the atmosphere around the character became cold as everyone in the inn had transformed into an evil form of mind.

I know I've already reviewed on this already, but this is just something I wanted to add.

From LLZ.

The inn is explained in prior chapters... (cackles evilly) And thanks for the idea to use 'plaster'... I shall use it!

You're welcome. I like your evil laugh. Hee hee. :)

User avatar
LemisaLeaZeor
Review
LemisaLeaZeor wrote a review Review · Feb 23, 2014

I love this story! It's very well written and keeps the reader hooked into the story.
I love the idea of the story and everything about it.
You used a wide range of vocabulary, making it more affective and suitable for around the time this story was based on.
I found it funny when they mentioned that it wasn't the inn that made people do strange stuff, it was the fairies. I don't know why, but I found that part funny.
It's definitely a piece I would recommend to people, to read.
The talking Fox, Randall, was a great character to use. Obviously, because it was a talking Fox.
A great companion to have.
Great imagination.
It's good how you didn't continuously repeat yourself, you moved on and didn't become stuck in some parts for too long.
Which is great for the reader, so they don't become bored.

Good job, keep on writing. :D

From LLZ:)

Thank you so much! (I was worried I'd go the whole review day without getting a review...)



The only proper way of drinking Capri-Sun is from your great-grandmother's gold-plated cups reserved for special occasions.
— NovemberCrow