Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
I sit here at night, can't sleep because my mind is going 100mph. No matter what I do to try and just go to sleep nothing work. So my mind is just rambling on about stupid shit from today or from the past. It seems like my brain never stops going over my shitty past... So then i turn on a show that bores me, that don't work. Totally hate having ADD it drives me crazy. I'll be telling someone a story and then get sidetracked and talk about something totally different, when the story I'm telling is important. UGH life with ADD sucks most of the time, but some days are pretty cool if you ask me. Cause I do some pretty crazy things, and i get moments where I'm really hyper and I talk super fast and move like I'm on fire ( totally love when that happens when I'm at work).
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
I think this might be a missed opportunity to really go crazy and experiment with your writing. Rather than just saying 'I can't sleep' and 'ADD sucks,' you could have gone all-out with surreal imagery and rambling, pseudo-random metaphors to really explore what it means to be in that particular frame of mind.
Grab the biggest spiritual knife you can find, and carve a big old gory square in your chest for us - your monstrous readers - to peer into, as you pluck out your heart and present it to us; let us know what it really means to have your attention constantly swept away like a child in a tornado; help us to truly feel the intense moments of hyperactivity that seize your brain-cells and muscle-proteins in an electronic burst of energy.
Or something. I don't know.
Hey!
So you're not the first and you won't be the last to do this. This seems more like a blog entry, right? We have a blog section, so I suggest you post there next time to save points.
And to get this out of the Green Room, I shall help you edit this.
I suggest replacing the bolded word with unable to.
You need a comma after "sleep."
1. In poems, capitalization doesn't matter, but in stories, it does. So uppercap that I.
2. I feel like a better substitute for the bolded would be which doesn't.
You need a semicolon after "ADD."
I hope that helps! This made me laugh, by the way. Thanks for sharing! I look forward to reading some of your blog posts.
thank you for the help with editing but the way i wrote this is just expressing how i feel...
i take the MC is you? i don't know whether this is intended as a literary work, but you submitted so i'll review.
you mention your crappy past and all the crazy things you do, but you never go into detail about them. if you had, there might have been a story here. i might care about you and your ADD if i knew more about you.
well that's my review! byeeeee
i rather not go into detail about my crappy past cause its quite disturbing and horrifying