[Writers note: I know the middle looks weird. The stanzas should be divided by fours but the site wont do it. Enjoy.]
I’m in a grainy black and white screen.
Cigarette smoke, lingerie, heels.
It feels like watching a strange figure come toward you
In the shadows at midnight, but not being afraid.
It’s putting on red lipstick, knowing your about to be kissed.
It’s when not even a mask can help because you have too much to hide.
It’s having a dirty little secret that’s killing you inside.
It’s eating, chewing, swallowing you whole.
But it secretly calls for you to ignite it, to lean over and part your lips.
Let the words tumble out.
It’s having his hands tug at your hips.
His lips drag across your skin.
When his eyes look at you so intensely, you think you might burst into flames.
It’s every song you’ve ever heard and forgotten.
It’s having his body over yours, skin on skin, and then opening your eyes.
And realizing it was just a dream.
It’s standing on the railroad tracks, the sound of the train in the distance.
It’s every forbidden, passion-filled moment that you never had.
It’s every glance, where you think of all the ways your skin could touch.
It’s like missing a shooting star.
It’s the sound of their laughter echoing in your ears.
It’s how the rose slowly dies in its vase.
When you wonder who you can trust, who tells the truth, who knows what’s right.
It’s like staring at the painting and can’t understand the meaning to save your life.
It’s the feeling of something creeping up your spine.
Feelings that wrap around you like the warm breathe of a grave.
Being a writer and suddenly can’t find the words.
It’s the fantasy you have, that you wish you didn’t.
Not trusting a word anyone says.
When it would be easier if you just gave up.
It’s hearing your phone ring when it never did.
When love becomes a losing game.
It’s the misunderstanding.
The moment you revealing the losing hand of cards.
It’s when your reflection isn’t the same as when you started out.
It’s the blinking light in the distance that frightens you, but it calls you still.
It’s the danger of leaning against the buildings ledge.
You’re only scared because you might let yourself fall.
You wouldn’t be scared if you knew you wouldn’t let yourself.
It’s the feeling of falling, falling, falling. Down. Down. Down. Forever.
No.
It’s a smile on a sunny day.
Warm ocean waters brushing up against your feet.
Being kissed like you’ve never been before.
It’s when you play the hand you’ve been dealt.
Stop letting the past dictate your future.
You have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.
Take off your heels and put on real shoes.
Stop thinking that you heard the unspoken words.
Let go.
Trust your heart to give you what you need.
Stop thinking about the bad things.
Live life for all it’s worth.
Take what you’ve been given and leave your mark upon this Earth.
Let it be. If it was meant to be, it’ll happen.
Play the guitar next to the open window.
Forget broken promises and half-finished loves.
Find yourself.
You’ll find the one you don’t have to fantasies about.
Because he’ll be real.
The screen isn’t grainy and dark.
It’s clear and in Technicolor glory.
So let go.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I enjoyed the vivid imagery and use of metaphors in this poem a lot, and the character of the narrator cracked me up at times and also made me think about the idea of love and loss.
"It’s the feeling of falling, falling, falling. Down. Down. Down. Forever.
No."
Those lines definitely made me stop, a little startled, and laugh. The personality of the narrator is spunky and likeable and I enjoy how personal the poem gets.
With the ending lines, I feel like you could end it at just "it's clear and in Technicolor glory." I think that would be the perfect ending spot, instead of extending the poem to "So let go."
Hi lovethelifeulive, have a good day! Well Dream here with review on your poem.
Things that I like about your poem is the feelings that you have provided inside are really impressed within my heart. At first I wondered what this poem really want to say, but then in the second verse I got a little clue.
A romantic poem, full of twists that have to be faced.
The only odd thing here is the exchange of the character voice. First stanza, you're talking about yourself by using 'I'. Then next you start talking to the reader by using 'you'. It changes dramatically. Actually better if written like this.
I know what you're trying to do. You want the reader to feel that feeling by giving the character 'you' in this narrative poem. But by just telling the way you feel(I), the impact is enough.
Overall, good poem to read. We got the lessons from your poem! Keep it up
Kudos,cheers.
I really like this poem!! Some parts I felt I connected easily with and others I didn't get. But that's probably because I haven't experienced that. I liked how it was about letting go of what was and finding what is to be. Also how it focuses on finding yourself and the rest will follow. Great poem! Loved it!
Thank you!