Yellow skies are all I see
Dull, flat, and stained with age
Splashed with glass words gleaming with empty lures
And falling around me like rain
But seeping into my soul like acid
I am trapped between your pages
Blanketed beneath the fragile sheets of love and uncertainty
Like a rose, pressed under the weight of your book
I tried to resist, but with time, my resolve flattens
I am not meant to live like this
Incarcerated in this forced role
As the understudy for your drama
And forever trapped between the yellowed pages of the past
Roses shouldn’t be treated this way
They are meant to be admired for their ephemerality
Instead of displayed in a gilded glass cage for all to gape at
Because eventually their faultless beauty bleeds out
Weighed down by the desperation for immortality
Like these pages that once gleamed white with youth
I am not meant for this life, either
Lying bent and broken
Ensnared in your plot, awaiting the climax
As I grow sickly sprinkled with falling particles of dust
That glow like murky stars
Under your yellow sky
Forced to hear the echoes of your shadowed words
Over the faltering drum of my heart
One day someone will open you up
And turn over your torn sheets
Daylight will dazzle my eyes
And for the first time in eons
Sunlight will kiss my skin
And melt my icy veins
But it won’t dissolve your shadow
That eclipses my identity
Until I am molded into the villain
Even when all your sheets are turned over
And your story-our story-draws to a close
I will still be trapped between our pages
Lying, bent, shattered
With my face upturned
To the yellow skies
Until they are
all
I
see.
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137,557 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
Hey there. Review for you.
I really enjoyed reading this poem, just because of the way you conveyed the narrator's emotions and thoughts about the complicated relationship they are in. It's almost as if they're making a futile appeal to their significant other about how this relationship is negatively affecting them. I love the phrase you employed about being "trapped between pages." I interpreted this as if the relationship were a book, and the narrator is trying to get the most out of it (I.e the words) but is literally trapped between the pages without anything to convince them to stay motivated towards continuing it. I'm a sucker for romantic elements, so I thought this was really nice. Possibly my favorite part of this poem is the very end where you break the last sentence up into three different lines. It shows a shift in the narrator's mood and provides an interesting rhythm to finish the poem. I also liked the recurring theme of the "yellow sky." I found it interesting that you didn't say "gray sky", which would be an indicator of a melancholy tone and feeling. By satin yellow sky, you acknowledged that things aren't completely indictable, but that the narrator's situation is still slightly uncomfortable and a little different than what we'd think.
Now for the negatives...I have none. Sorry if I over-analyzed this poem. But I like to do that haha. My best advice would be to keep doing what you're doing. If u like, Hmu and I'll give ya some more reviews. Good job with this one.
-GL24
Please put your poem back. I read the first few lines from the description and it sounds like a very nice poem. I don't know why you removed it. It sounded like you had some great metaphors and similies going. Why have you removed this poem? Now like the user below me said, we just have this empty poem taking up space in the green room! Now please unpublish this or paste the text back into the box. I'd love to read it! I really liked what I saw from the beginning and I'd like to see more.
I just posted my poem again, in case you are still interested in reading it
....
Gr....
Please put it back up so it can be reviewed and we can help. If you take it down, we can't review it, and then we have this empty box sitting in the Green Room, waiting to be reviewed. Please put it back, so we can help.
Thanks!
Hi bluewater!
I feel like we have met several times before and yaaay! poetry! Not many people attempt long poetry, usually because it's difficult to maintain one idea over all those lines! Thankfully you happen to have that skill, you definitely keep the theme going without dropping away for the whole poem, nice work!
I do think this is too long, though. You start to get really repetitive in your imagery and we're not left with very many interesting images to run with. It also gets a little boring, to be honest. I stopped caring in the middle what was happening, I just wanted to hit the end. A lot of that will be personal preference but I think that it is also important to consider what your reader might enjoy!
Try cutting this into stanzas to begin with, I think it will show you how repetitive you get in the middle there, and then take out all of the adjectives. Once you have, only insert one per stanza and work your way up from there. That should force you to consider how you're using language and why you're using the words you do.
I look forward to seeing any changes you make to this - please tell me if you do!
- Penguin.