Young Writers Society

Hey there. Review for you.

I really enjoyed reading this poem, just because of the way you conveyed the narrator's emotions and thoughts about the complicated relationship they are in. It's almost as if they're making a futile appeal to their significant other about how this relationship is negatively affecting them. I love the phrase you employed about being "trapped between pages." I interpreted this as if the relationship were a book, and the narrator is trying to get the most out of it (I.e the words) but is literally trapped between the pages without anything to convince them to stay motivated towards continuing it. I'm a sucker for romantic elements, so I thought this was really nice. Possibly my favorite part of this poem is the very end where you break the last sentence up into three different lines. It shows a shift in the narrator's mood and provides an interesting rhythm to finish the poem. I also liked the recurring theme of the "yellow sky." I found it interesting that you didn't say "gray sky", which would be an indicator of a melancholy tone and feeling. By satin yellow sky, you acknowledged that things aren't completely indictable, but that the narrator's situation is still slightly uncomfortable and a little different than what we'd think.

Now for the negatives...I have none. Sorry if I over-analyzed this poem. But I like to do that haha. My best advice would be to keep doing what you're doing. If u like, Hmu and I'll give ya some more reviews. Good job with this one.
-GL24

Please put your poem back. I read the first few lines from the description and it sounds like a very nice poem. I don't know why you removed it. It sounded like you had some great metaphors and similies going. Why have you removed this poem? Now like the user below me said, we just have this empty poem taking up space in the green room! Now please unpublish this or paste the text back into the box. I'd love to read it! I really liked what I saw from the beginning and I'd like to see more.

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Gr....
Please put it back up so it can be reviewed and we can help. If you take it down, we can't review it, and then we have this empty box sitting in the Green Room, waiting to be reviewed. Please put it back, so we can help.
Thanks!

Hi bluewater!

I feel like we have met several times before and yaaay! poetry! Not many people attempt long poetry, usually because it's difficult to maintain one idea over all those lines! Thankfully you happen to have that skill, you definitely keep the theme going without dropping away for the whole poem, nice work!

I do think this is too long, though. You start to get really repetitive in your imagery and we're not left with very many interesting images to run with. It also gets a little boring, to be honest. I stopped caring in the middle what was happening, I just wanted to hit the end. A lot of that will be personal preference but I think that it is also important to consider what your reader might enjoy!

Try cutting this into stanzas to begin with, I think it will show you how repetitive you get in the middle there, and then take out all of the adjectives. Once you have, only insert one per stanza and work your way up from there. That should force you to consider how you're using language and why you're using the words you do.

I look forward to seeing any changes you make to this - please tell me if you do!
- Penguin.