z

Young Writers Society



you were hidden by shadows

by alilovessandy


You were hidden by shadows.

Trying to find your way
back home.

Trying to find your way back to me.

Tears run down my cheeks.

Falling towards empty
space.

I am floating above the
world.

Above the black hole where
my heart once was.

All I see is you face.

Lost and alone.

Consumed by pain and fear.

Trying to fly home.

Lifted by your wings,

Strong and sure,

Weak and broken.

I have been peering out a
window,

Trying to find my heart.

Trying to see a glimmer of
hope.

If we could have held on
for one more day,

You might not have slipped
from my view.

Cradled in my arms.

Drifting away from all I
love.

You were hidden by the
shadows.

Trying to find your way
back home.


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110 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 110

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Thu Sep 05, 2013 6:48 pm
ImHero says...



This poem lacks imagery and description, I weirdly liked the line breaks though.

The poem is good in general but really could use some concrete content on it. For example, describing the path and the home and all that.

The whole shadow thing is getting old and is pretty cliche, also I don't see much point for the metaphor.


Hero




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13 Reviews


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Reviews: 13

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Thu Sep 05, 2013 6:15 pm
Zawaa wrote a review...



Hi there, here to review briefly :)

Okay, the beginning is stunning "You were hidden by the
shadows" - just reminds me of the chorus to my favorite love song and seeing that you've repeated this line i see it as a chorus.

However, after giving us the impression that this poem is about one's way back to one's love, you begin to speak of your personal pain - a little disappointing and cliche for me.

By the end however, i managed to forgive you due to the lovely conclusion.

Well done






what song were you thinking of because it was partly inspiered by a song



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109 Reviews


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Reviews: 109

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Thu Sep 05, 2013 5:39 pm
rbt00 wrote a review...



Okay I am here to review this piece. When I started reading it the first three lines went good. But when I came on the 4th line "Tears run down my cheeks.'' it seemed unusual. You were writing something and you changed and wrote something else. The next lines also seemed different and weird
" Falling towards empty
space.
I am floating above the
world."
I like the lines "Trying to find my heart."
and
"You were hidden by the
shadows."




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46 Reviews


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Reviews: 46

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Thu Sep 05, 2013 5:13 pm
NicoleBri wrote a review...



Hi! Pandabear here to do a review for you! :) I like the poem and I have noticed a lot of people, including you, have relatable poems. You are good at structuring the poem and I don't see any grammatical errors. Faboo! :) I would like to see more poems of yours so keep it up and don't forget to post them here!

Have a good day, sincerely,

the lovely pandabear7! :)




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53 Reviews


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Thu Sep 05, 2013 11:44 am
lyricalrebel wrote a review...



Hey there, lyricalrebel here to make a review of your work.

This line, "All I see is you face.", I'm not really sure if this is a common typographical error but nevertheless, it shoul be, "All I see is your face."

So far, there's no other errors.
Personally, I think your poem is great. When I analyzed the poem, I see a long distance relationship between tow persons. The emotions were depicted neatly and though I don't relish the time of reading poetry that doesn't rhyme, I've liked it. Keep up the good work! Cheer!





Generally speaking, a howling wilderness does not howl: it is the imagination of the traveler that does the howling.
— Henry David Thoreau