The sky shatters into a thousand pieces.
Glass rains down like knifes
Darkness closes around me,
As I fall to my knees.
“Got you.” He whispered.
His tone full of the hate of 3 lifetimes.
I pushed him aside and stood up.
My legs spasmed and I staggered forward,
My heart in my ears.
I felt the blade at my back and stopped dead in my tracks.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
I tried to turn around but staggered and fell.
I am weak. I can feel myself healing.
“It will be a pleasure to kill you.” He said.
The knife pierced my skin, just below the heart and sunk in
to the hilt.
I stared at the dagger protruding from my chest then back
to Sebastian.
He stared at me with a look of horror, his mouth working but
nothing coming out.
“Got you.” I said.
Let my fangs fall free from my gums and before he couldn’t
move or speak,
Sunk into his neck muffling his screams.
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,028 Reviews
That is a pretty good horror poem and I love how the end brings out that surprise. Love how the end came at you i have to know if she is a vampire because that would be cool. But in all i loved this poem and hope to see more like this art. I loved the way you wrote this poem because it is suspenseful and i like that sort of thing.
thxs so much for the review. and yes she is a vampire. i dont usually write stuff about vampires but its alot of fun to write sometimes.
This is my first review, so this may not be the best review ever. I thought it was a good poem and I think you told the story well
Is she a vampire?
thxs for the review. yes she is a vampire
Woah. Deep, so she's a vampire? Is that why he was trying to kill her? How does she feel a dagger in her back and what is this hate from three lifetimes?
It's good it's just that the story kind of confuses me. ;p
like i said to your other review i cant tell u. but if it is killing u i can tell u in a private message
Wow! This poem is really too good!
The way you portrayed yourself and the killer is amazing.
I also like the way at first you describe yourself as helpless in the enemies arms but finally you
win, that's a very good twist which I liked the most.
I can find no mistakes in what you wrote at all.
And the best part is even though it didn't rhyme it was amazing.
Hope you write more amazing poems!
LOIS
thxs for the review
I like the twist. It was fascinating and very unexpected. I like the way you included dialogue in the poem because it gives it this story-like feel to it (I apologize for my terrible wording). My absolute FAVORITE line in this would have to be: His tone full of the hate of 3 lifetimes.
Now that, right there, is genius.
omg thank you so much
Hi there, alilovessandy,here i am to make my review on your poem!
Like usually,you always impress me with your poem. It is full of emotion and surprises that makes the poem more interesting to read.It's also very creepy with the details in each lines;
#His tone full of the hate of 3 lifetimes.
I pushed him aside and stood up.
My legs spasmed and I staggered forward,
My heart in my ears.
I really like it,when you write this poem in narrative form .I enjoyed reading your poem,and I wish to see more from you in YWS!
Cheer,kudos!
~NightWalker
thxs so much
Wow, cool twist at the end! I want to know more...I want to know the back story of what happened to cause this fight! The poem is well imaged, and very cool! It's unusual to tell an action/fantasy story through a poem. I like it! I did notice one little thing. You say "I started at the dagger" and I'm pretty sure you meant "I stared at the dagger." Otherwise, great job!
thxs for the review. i will change that mistake now
Again, awesome. Good twist at the end, I thought he/she was a goner haha. A few things that confused me, though. Who is Sebastian? And is this attacker like a monster hunter? Is Sebastian the 'killer'?
thxs for the review to answer your question its a secret. i love to keep my poems vage and leave people asking questions at the end
Alright, I respect that
. I'm the same way, sometimes people just bash me for it a lot 