Not What You Expected

Hi alilovessandy,Dark with review here!

I love your poem here,kinda mysterious and full of un- expectation 'drama' between you and him.Just let me review in each lines to make sure I get the meaning here;

# I can see him.

In the trees, staring at me.-->So I saw him in the trees?I mean trees is 'more tree' and he was there in each trees?A bit confusion here,my dear.The woods is more fit through this line

I don’t know who he is or why his here.

I don’t think he knows I can see him.

He is slowly moving out of the trees. --->This part can be improve to make it more 'dramatic' thus bring impact to reader.

# I can see the sun shining off the dagger in his hand.--.>I think of serial killer now.

The woods are quiet but for our breathing.

he take another step forword.

He raises his hand.

The dagger looks menacing sitting above his head.

I do not move as he brings in down in my back.

I turn to look at him. -->Dramatic action,I love the description you gives.

# His face is white with shock as I give him an evil smile.

I slowly stand up so I can look him directly in his eyes.-->This is like a prey becomes hunter,now the hunter is haunted.I like the concept here.

The sound of his heart beat rings in my ears.

Its so much easier when you let them come to you. -->This is the part that he does not expected would happen to himself.

Very good diction and nice rhythm.Keep it up,kudos!
dark

As a poem, this doesn't impress me much at all. I'd much rather see it as prose.

I respect the choice to do a 'horror' poem or whatever you want to call it, but your images are weak and crippled, your flow is nonexistent, and you give us nothing poetic at all. So face is. It's a few sentences with line breaks.

Let's talk flow. Flow is the breath of poetry, the stuff that keeps its heart anticipating another beat. Flow takes the reader by the hand and carries them along the piece, and when you take out flow, you just throw words at your reader. So thank you for throwing words at me. Google poetic flow, study it, and apply it. You'd be an accomplished poet if you managed a horror poem with spectacular flow. Until then, you have nothing.

Imagery is more the muscle and sinew of poetry--it helps our words move, and it gives the reader something to sink their teeth into. What we have here, though, is a skeleton poem. You're walking in the woods, he stabs you, you grin, turn around, and bite him. That's all. That's. All. There's no reflection on the imagery of blood. There's no imagery of the cold, of the dark, of the trees. You have SO MUCH potential here, and you waste it so you can hurry to the end and say "I'm a vampire".

Slow down and rewrite.

Nice poem but I don't get it. How is she seeing him if he's behind her?

Then this line needs to have one fix.

"I don't know who he is or why his here"

to
"I don't know who he is or why he's here"

Other than that there are no more mistakes. How can the dagger sit atop his head, and what did she do?o_o

This is a good piece, but I feel it sort of lacks the poetic touch. It's more narrative(ish) than like a poem. For example:
"I can see him.

In the trees, staring at me.

I don’t know who he is or why his here.

I don’t think he knows I can see him.

He is slowly moving out of the trees."

You might want to try something like: 'I can see him/ Who he is, or why he is here/ I don't know./ I don't think he knows I can see him/ And he moves from his shelter, slowly...'
And then again:
"he take another step forword.

He raises his hand."
First off, there's a typo here. Second, you're using "he" entirely too much. Instead of "he raises his hand," try 'and raises his hand.'
Also, over here:
"The dagger looks menacing sitting above his head."
You could change the structure of the sentence slightly so it's more effective: 'And sitting above his head, the dagger is menacing.'
I hope this helps!

wow! Creepy poem. totally didn't see that coming. That was terrifying. very good description, i liked how you wrote it. you had a part you wrote beet instead of beat.

The sound of his heart beet rings in my ears.
It was a great poem, the title fits it perfectly, i didn't expect it at all.
Keep it up!