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Young Writers Society


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Devil Touch - Chapter Five

by SushiSashimi333


Cerys watched as the girl's body slowly started to glow, getting brighter and brighter as the seconds passed. What was happening to her? Might this have anything to do with the fact that she was an Elemental? Perhaps, and maybe it didn't. Whether it did or not it didn't look good.

She rushed to the glowing girl's side and grabbed hold of her arm, forgetting the nonchalant facade she had been working so hard to keep. Her skin was cold as marble, so much so that Cerys' hands started to turn grey with frost bite. Quickly she tugged them away, her skin pulling away slowly from the girl's cold body.

Rubbing her hands vigorously together, Cerys looked up from her hands to see no longer a girl, but a full grown man standing before her. His long white hair was almost translucent, cascading down his bare muscled chest to stop at his waist. Black cotton pants covered his long, probably muscled, legs. Cerys' mouth hung open in awe at his angular face, skinny and handsome despite his slightly over sized nose.

"You know bugs will fly into your mouth if you leave it open like that?" The sudden response from the man startled Cerys, but she did her best to hide it.

His voice was high for a man, but it wasn't quite shrill. It had more of a soft tone that makes one feel as if they're floating on gentle ocean waves. Cerys couldn't help but almost lose herself when he spoke.

"And just who do you think you are?" She shot back. "I don't think it's quite polite when you take over another person's body do you?"

The man smirked and rose to his full height. A full head taller than Cerys, he was definitely intimidating, but Cerys was not about to show it. The man looked her up and down, not afraid to express his thoughts with a raised brow or a chuckle every now and then.

"You know you shouldn't accuse someone of doing something before you know the whole story. I, in fact, did not take over her body, she simply preferred it if I did the explaining. She's not that much of a talker you see."

No, Cerys didn't see, but she really wasn't in the mood for a fight. It amazed her how normal she reacted to this sudden turn of events. Normally she would be freaking out, but for some strange reason she felt relatively calm. Perhaps it was his laid back attitude, or maybe even his casual expression, whatever it was she felt safe around it.

"Let's get to the explaining then. Just what is that girl?"

"Oh. Marya you mean? She's a normal human just like you, her Touch was just different from most. She's what you might call an abomination, kind of like you really."

The last phrase struck her. She had never quite met anyone quite as blunt as him. Sure the people in her village knew she was Devil Touched and hated her for it, but they had never been so blunt about what she was. To have it pointed out was like telling an ugly person that they were ugly. They knew it deep down but never before had they faced it so head on. A moment of silence enveloped Cerys and it was a while before she was able to speak again.

"So exactly how is she an abomination?" The man looked surprised at her simple question, but really, what else was there to say?

"Well there are several reasons, a couple I probably shouldn't tell," He looked up then, a twinkle in his eyes. "but seeing that look on your face I can probably guess you would find a way of making me tell you." Just what look on her face was he talking about?

"I guess I should probably start from the beginning if you're to even grasp a sliver of who she is. You might want to sit. This may take a while."

And so he spoke. His voice like a cool autumn breeze to her ears, not hot and not too cold either. He told of how he was not human, but in fact a Celestial. A body not of Orbis, such as God, Angels, Demons and the Devil. He told of how there were many, yet only one Celestial. He was the embodiment of air, his brothers and sisters the materialization of the three other elements.

Then he went on to explain Celestial Touch. Unlike all the other Touches, Celestial Touch worked a little differently. It could happen to anyone, from someone who had been Demon Touched to someone who had been God Touched. It normally happened later in the person's life, years after they had been born. Once you were Touched by one there was no going back, for you or the Celestial unless Mother Fortuna allowed it.

Until then you were bound by body, soul and essence. It sounded like a pretty big deal to Cerys, but Sanna assured her it wasn't really anything that important.

Maybe for him, thought Cerys. He was the one messing with the lives of mortals after all. Giving them powers and almost permanent immortality until he was forced from them by Mother Fortuna.

When he finally got to Marya Cerys couldn't help but show her curiosity.

"Why was it Marya that you Touched? Couldn't it have been any random person that happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time?"

"No no no my dear. You see you have it all wrong. If it worked like that then they would number one, be a lunatic for all we know, and number two they would be at the right place at the right time. Something you need to understand about being Celestial Touched is that it's a blessing, not a curse like you so believe."

In the light of the rising suns Cerys saw his hair sparkle in the sunlight and become almost transparent in appearance.

"Okay, so if it's not a curse then explain why Marya always seems so sad. She's always wearing a scowl on her face. I've never once seen her smile." Cerys asked, a frown forming on her face.

"You said you've never seen her smile before but you've seen her only once, and that was just for a couple of seconds. Elaborate on what you mean." Sanna replied, his eyebrows furrowing to create an almost thoughtful look.

Cerys thought for a couple seconds, wondering if it really was a good idea to tell this complete stranger who she didn't even know the name of about her dream. Well he had already told her more than enough about himself, so she figured she owed it to him.

"I had a dream when I was out." She stated flatly. "Marya and another girl that looked just like her were in it. The other girl was smiling and laughing happily, but Marya just scowled the entire time." At this Sanna's face dropped, the twinkle disappearing from his eye.

"Oh."

Nothing happened. Even the morning birds seemed to think silence was best at that moment for all the sorrow in Sanna's eyes.

"It was supposed to be her." He said, a melancholy smile taking form on his face. "It's quite a long story. I'm not quite sure Marya would like it if I told you."

"And I'm not quite sure I would like you if you didn't. Marya won't know you told me if I don't say anything and I swear I won't speak a word."

"Well, if you really want to hear it I guess I will tell you."


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Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:47 pm
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TinkerTwaggy wrote a review...



Hey Sushi! I finally had the time to read this chapter, so let us get started on it.

The first thing I'd like to talk about (and probably because it's the first thing I noticed) is the fact that they were more typos here than in the last chapter. Because it was longer, yes, but the explanations of Sanna were flawed because of the typos. That's really too bad.

"You know bugs with fly into your mouth if you leave it open like that?"
I believe it's "don't you know".

"She had never quite met anyone so blunt as him."
It's "as blunt as him" instead of "So blunt".

"His voice like a cool autumn breeze to her ears"
did you mean "his voice was like a cool autumn breeze"?

Those are the only ones I noticed, but they could be some other typos that I missed so you might want to re-check that. They were also a few repetitions at the beginning, but I don't think I should classify those as mistakes. It's more something you like to do, your style.

But don't think I'm gonna stop at the negative points! Let's talk about the numerous positive parts of your chapter. And there are quite a few of them :)

Aside the typos, the grammar was pretty good. As for the vocabulary, I loved it! The narration was pretty poetic at times, and straightforward when it needed to.
"His voice like a cool autumn breeze to her ears, not hot and not too cold either." I love this one especially, and I also enjoy Ceris' reactions to Sanna's explanations.
Speaking of those...
"Unlike all the other Touches,"
There are other type of Touches?! They happen differently? Do they have links to one another? Also:
"he was not human, but in fact a Celestial. A body not of Orbis, such as God, Angels, Demons and the Devil."
What?! So there are different kind of being in this other world Sanna comes from? There's a Devil? Gods? And other beings such as angels and demons? HECK...YEAH!!! :D Now I'm really starting to enjoy this, knowing that they are other Touches, and not necessarily good. Because that implies that there is going to be some scheming and confrontations at some point, and THIS is what I'm eagerly waiting for :D Don't answer to my questions above by the way: that would ruin the suspense. But now I REALLY can't wait for the next explanations, as well as the apparition of the other Touched.

Please, PLEASE tell me when the next chapter is on, because with the explanation you managed to get me interested. And that is a talent that you must keep and improve: manage to keep people interested in your story, no matter how many mistakes you make. You're here to improve your writing skills anyway, so you already know that. I hope you'll be able to correct the small mistakes too, I know how irritating they can be (my worse enemy being the comas...), so good luck with that.

Onward fellow writer! Keep going :D
~Shell Master Tortwag~






XD Thanks so much for the review! Those are quite a few typos huh? I guess that's what I get for putting it off for an entire month then typing it all in one night XD I'm so glad that you enjoyed this! I'll definitely make sure to notify you when chapter six is out. ^_^ Thanks again!



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Sun Nov 03, 2013 11:45 am
Dreamy wrote a review...



Hey there!

This was a funny story, I don't know why but it just kept me laughing especially these lines

"Do close your mouth dear. Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to gawk?" The voice was high for a man, but it wasn't quite shrill. It had more of a soft tone that makes one feel as if they're floating on gentle ocean waves. Cerys couldn't help but almost lose herself when he spoke.


I know you wanted him to be blunt, but it just appeared that he was way too blunt. And also spoiled flow of the story. The bluntness made me hate the character, if that was you were intending to do. Other than that, this was a good story and I liked it. Keep up your good work!

Keep writing!!!

Cheers!!! :D






Hey! Thanks for the review! That input actually helped me, now I know something I need to fix ^_^ I'll try and smooth that up a bit. So glad that you were laughing! XD It definitely is one of my lighter chapters. Thanks again!




You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh